Hello, My Name Is Jello.

And I feel like a quivering mess. Damn Andrew. Really. Damn him. I just got done taking a bath and it was the worst bath ever. I brought Charlaine Harris along to cheer me up and I couldn't even crack the cover. So after that fantastic day like a week and a half ago (yeah something like that) I haven't heard from him. Not once. Well that's not entirely true. We talked for 47 seconds the day after and he sent me a single text yesterday after not hearing from him for 5 days. Saying he's in Belgium on business with friends. With friends, it's always WITH FRIENDS. Okay. So I can see this now. It's going to drive me insane unless I get a straight answer. So that is what I will do.

....So Now What?

Yeah. I'm just upset right now. Just in general. I feel like there's so many other things I could be doing like working, making money living and not going further in debt trying to pay off this or borrow money for that, it's just ridiculous. Hence the convo I had with mom last night.


[11/1/2009 6:41:23 PM] Darryl Neal: How do you feel son?
[11/1/2009 6:41:36 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean I don't know really. I mean I thought about it
[11/1/2009 6:41:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and it really is the same as coming back
[11/1/2009 6:41:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as I'd have to do the same thing either way
[11/1/2009 6:41:48 PM] D'Arcee Neal: when I'm done
[11/1/2009 6:41:56 PM] Darryl Neal: do you like it there? Can you see yourself staying?
[11/1/2009 6:41:58 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and again, I'd have to look at what city I like
[11/1/2009 6:42:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean...I guess. It's like DC. I can get around, go places and all of that. So I mean transportation's wayyy better than say NC
[11/1/2009 6:42:51 PM] D'Arcee Neal: the cost of living is outrageous though.
[11/1/2009 6:42:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at least, that's what I hear.
[11/1/2009 6:43:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they say London's the most expensive city in Europe
[11/1/2009 6:43:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and one of the most in the world
[11/1/2009 6:43:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Well, that's what this is all about. Finding yourself, and finding out what you like.
[11/1/2009 6:44:46 PM] Darryl Neal: You have to investigate whether you want to be there, how affordable it is for you, can you find the right job to afford you to live there, and so on and so on.....
[11/1/2009 6:45:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I'd also have to do back in NC
[11/1/2009 6:45:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was telling dad
[11/1/2009 6:45:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: that I was looking on Facebook
[11/1/2009 6:45:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I felt kinda bad because
[11/1/2009 6:45:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I can see a lot of friends I had in high school or college
[11/1/2009 6:45:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they've graduated and they're actually working
[11/1/2009 6:45:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: whereas all I have to my credit is schooling and a bunch of internships. there's nothing really permanent
[11/1/2009 6:46:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and so I'm like, everyone's talking about doing this or moving there for this job, and I'm like, what am I going to do? just keep bouncing around?
[11/1/2009 6:47:34 PM] Darryl Neal: BABY come on, how many of them are getting their Masters and PHD, don't you dare short change yourself. We are so proud of you D'Arcee, don't you realize what this means for you?
[11/1/2009 6:47:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I know.
[11/1/2009 6:48:02 PM] Darryl Neal: You can come back here, or go anywhere and WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET...
[11/1/2009 6:48:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I guess, I don't like the open-endness of this.
[11/1/2009 6:48:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I don't know what I'm supposed to do when this is done
[11/1/2009 6:48:22 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I can't just up and say, oh I'm going to stay
[11/1/2009 6:48:25 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at the end of this
[11/1/2009 6:48:30 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'd have to start that in like February
[11/1/2009 6:49:11 PM] Darryl Neal: Then start it, even if you don't stay, at least have the option open to you to stay if it works out for you, and that is what you choose.
[11/1/2009 6:49:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 6:49:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean that's what I was thinking at least
[11/1/2009 6:49:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: but dad was saying
[11/1/2009 6:49:41 PM] D'Arcee Neal: in order to have a work visa you have to actually have work
[11/1/2009 6:49:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: or you get kicked out
[11/1/2009 6:49:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so I guess I'll be looking for all of that.
[11/1/2009 6:49:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: starting early next year
[11/1/2009 6:50:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as far as the PhD goes,
[11/1/2009 6:50:34 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll do it if I can, but it all depends on whether or not CFNC is going to just give me the same amount twice. I figure they might, since I'm already here and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:50:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as the school offers it but then again,
[11/1/2009 6:51:02 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I told dad these classes are crazy. and apparently
[11/1/2009 6:51:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: unlike undergrad you only get one chance to pass
[11/1/2009 6:51:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well one chance in a year. so hence why I'm asking him all these crazy questions and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:51:40 PM] Darryl Neal: But, I want you to know that now is not the time to get depressed or feel dejected about your choices. Know that you're doing the right thing. By going back and finishing what SO many people wish they could do, you are setting a HUGH example for many of your friends, and definitely for your brother.
[11/1/2009 6:51:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I asked Matt about that the other day.
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I assume everything is going okay with ya'll? with no one in the house at all?
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lo
[11/1/2009 6:52:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so-called "Empty Nest Syndrome?"
[11/1/2009 6:52:24 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I don't think they wrote applying it to you.
[11/1/2009 6:52:41 PM] Darryl Neal: OH, we're adjusting....LOL
[11/1/2009 6:52:45 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:52:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure.
[11/1/2009 6:52:58 PM] Darryl Neal: Shon and I was talking about you the other day
[11/1/2009 6:53:17 PM] Darryl Neal: He is so, so , so proud of his big brother.
[11/1/2009 6:53:35 PM] Darryl Neal: Whether you realize it or not, you are such a hero for him.
[11/1/2009 6:53:53 PM] Darryl Neal: He talks about his big brother to people all the time.
[11/1/2009 6:54:06 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol. I know you do. I saw that at the mall.
[11/1/2009 6:54:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: LOL
[11/1/2009 6:54:11 PM] Darryl Neal: He's telling people about you, and your accomplishments..
[11/1/2009 6:54:12 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was like, "do I know you people?"
[11/1/2009 6:54:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they were like, "no, but we know you!"
[11/1/2009 6:54:45 PM] Darryl Neal: and he just told me the other day, I want to do something with my life like D'Arcee did
[11/1/2009 6:55:00 PM] Darryl Neal: I want to go back to school and get my degree like my brother...
[11/1/2009 6:55:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean I think our paths are different.
[11/1/2009 6:55:34 PM] Darryl Neal: I told him, good he should because it's going to take that to get ahead in this world.
[11/1/2009 6:55:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure his credit is better than mine and he doesn't have $60,000 to pay back
[11/1/2009 6:55:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and whatnot.
[11/1/2009 6:56:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Believe me, you are in the best possible position you could hope to be in baby. Hang in there, it will get better. You're just feeling a little lonely right now, and missing your friends.
[11/1/2009 6:57:37 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I mean you know hearing about Big Jon and Matt and Efrain,
[11/1/2009 6:57:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and how even though they're not going for a Master's.
[11/1/2009 6:57:53 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they've all got good jobs
[11/1/2009 6:57:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and nice places
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] Darryl Neal: But your friends will be even more happier to be your friend when they can introduce you as Dr. D'Arcee Charington Neal, and so will your parents. WE love you man, and we're already so, so proud of you.
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they're off being you know, productive American citizens
[11/1/2009 6:58:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I just feel like I have to play catch up 10x more when I get done
[11/1/2009 6:58:38 PM] Darryl Neal: No you don't, that
[11/1/2009 6:58:55 PM] Darryl Neal: that's the beauty of a PhD....!!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: ....I guess. I just gotta get through this Master's first!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:59:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: did dad tell you why i need to email Cousin Angie?
[11/1/2009 7:00:13 PM] Darryl Neal: They're going to have to play catch up to you, don't you know that? You'll come out making a hundred grand, they'll be working making only 50......
[11/1/2009 7:00:44 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean we talked about that in class the other day
[11/1/2009 7:00:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: about how people are viewing advanced degrees only for the money
[11/1/2009 7:01:01 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and not for what they represent
[11/1/2009 7:01:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and for a lot of teachers, it's completely the wrong reason
[11/1/2009 7:03:05 PM] Darryl Neal: That's not what I meant, I'm saying it from the reality that it's more respected wherever you go, your opinion means so much more when it comes from a Doctor opposed to someone else. You know that. And of course the money doesn't hurt....! Yeah, Dad mentioned you're writing a paper, and need to get some info from a cop's perspective.
[11/1/2009 7:04:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 7:04:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I guess I should just start scoping around then.
[11/1/2009 7:04:55 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I wish I could talk to Aunt Dyann. ask how Chicago is
[11/1/2009 7:04:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as a city
[11/1/2009 7:06:47 PM] Darryl Neal: yes babe, you'll be fine. Aunt Dyann doesn't have a computer, but I could ask her questions for you if you email them to me, then when we skype i could give you that info..
[11/1/2009 7:07:09 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah. doesn't she stay with you guys though?
[11/1/2009 7:07:58 PM] Darryl Neal: no not yet, not until next year in april.
[11/1/2009 7:08:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: oh I thought she was there.
[11/1/2009 7:08:21 PM] Darryl Neal: nope
[11/1/2009 7:09:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I see. okay. well I'm going to go and cook something for dinner.
[11/1/2009 7:09:14 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll talk to you guys soon.
[11/1/2009 7:09:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: hope you like the Mariah stuff!
[11/1/2009 7:09:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: don't forget to click it!
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] Darryl Neal: ok baby, promise me you'll hang in there, OK We love you.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: otherwise it won't download.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 7:10:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I'll keep working.
[11/1/2009 7:10:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: love you tool.
[11/1/2009 7:10:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: *too.
[11/1/2009 7:10:17 PM] Darryl Neal: OK


I don't know. It just feels like everything's always about catching up. you don't ever seem to be on top of anything. Which is not what I came here to do. Not when I could be climbing the ranks somewhere going up in my life instead of sitting here. *sigh* I don't know.

I'm Going Down Like London, London, London??

So let's see here. It's been like a week and a half since I got here and I will quickly try and describe both the bad and the good of what has gone down, as there's been plenty of both.

I hung out with my parents the night beforehand which was kinda nice as I barely got to see them while I was there. They've opened up a new business there in the mall in Morrisville which looks really cool but that mall is kinda scary. There's like no business. Which is odd being that it's right next to the airport, but whatever. Mom and them must know what they're doing, so yeah that was fun. We got up on Tuesday and we all went to Perkins and had breakfast, and then they took me over to the airport where I got rushed onto the plane at like literally the last minute and had to throw my wonderful blue comforter away (I'll miss you comforter!) because it was taking the scales over and I would've had to pay $150.00. So yeah got rushed onto the plane, and realized as I flew away that my father left the wheels for my manual on the other wheelchair frame in the car, so yes as of now I have a manual wheelchair frame but no wheels. Quite annoying.

But anyway, on the plane over to London, sat next to this lovely elderly lady and we talked about everything including her love for (dare I say it) black pudding, an her friend's revulsion to it. lol. So that was fun. Then I got here and the drama started right away. I didn't even get an hour to get used to it. As when I got off the plane, the people in the airport couldn't figure out how to release my chair straps, and they wanted to cut them off, which I didn't want. So yeah that took like 30 minutes of nothing, and then I got to th top of the terminal and couldn't find any representatives from the school so the airport had to make an announcement and put me on the spot, but I finally found them, and we got going.

I met some new people including Natalie, who's been my godsend through this thus far. She's another person in the Creative Writing program (her stuff is like whoa) and she's also from North Carolina-Queen's city!-so that was really cool and we hit it off like right away. I got to the school and discovered just how cold London can really be from the Carolinas, as it was an immediate 55 off the plane I wa it.s frickin' freezing. Our guide from the airport, Mark (who's actually kinda hot in a retro Beatles kinda way) was really nice, and I got moved into my room with relatively little fanfare (unlike the situation that was Ludwigsburg, Germany). So yeah but then the problems began again.

Apparently, like in other parts of Europe, people in wheelchairs are eitiher A) elderly or B) not in sight, so like they have laws that forbid people from riding the buses or public transportation if we use scooters and whatnot. Case in point, I do. So at this moment, I'm kinda stuck as to how to get over this, as buses are the primary mode of transportation for this part of the world followed by of course, the freakin' Underground. So yeah, that's a major problem. But with the school and all, everything is progressing albeit rather slowly and classes officially start Tuesday for me. So that will be interesting. I'm laughing at some of these choices on our reading list like Steven King's "The Long Walk" which was actually pretty good. A group of boys who volunteer to walk in this race where everytime you fall below 4mph, you're killed and the last person standing gets The Prize, which is whatever you want for the rest of your life. So yeah it was weird, but good. Now I'm reading E. Anne Proulx's "The Shipping News," which is also interesting about some nobody kind of guy who up and decides to relocate his life to Newfoundland, after his whole life goes wrong in all sorts of ways.

Have I covered the basics? Oh wait not quite. The men. So yeah the people here, not so sure that's going to work, whereas in Germany I had an absolute blast with the international team, this time's a bit different as there's like this wall behind us (the people who've done this "school" thing before) and them (those thare like oh so psyched to be starting it for the first time. I suppose I can't begrudge them their chance at happiness but damn! do you have to be so damn drunk all the time? I mean in America even WE have limits as skewed as they are. But anyway, lot of guys trying to holler, don't want to them all but there's Graham, a hot 45 year old who just wants to get off on my feet, Sven, 27 from Germany who just suddenly disappeared off the earth after supposedly to meet me here at the University (didn't happen), and the one I'm most excited for, Sean, 23 who just graduated from Kingston University down the street here and spent a semster at UNC-Charlotte. So I'm getting my Brit who already knows a bit about the Carolinas! Score! But I haven't met Sean yet. We're planning on getting together Monday night. That should be fun I think.

So more updates in the future including, how after a year and a half of not getting sick in DC, I move to London and get violently ill in the first week, as well as the infamous "squash" ordeal. Later!