Still Counting Down 186 Days Left....

I can't believe it's been almost a full month since I've last posted in this thing. Time really is flying too fast for me to keep up with. Yet at the same time, it's not moving fast enough to allow me to play Assassin's Creed and Mass Effect...grrrrr....anyways....so yeah what can I do as far as an update? Well the past month has been pretty interesting to say nonetheless. There's been some renewed interest in the love life department as I met and hung out with Max, but that's an interesting dilemma that I'm not sure I'm ready to tackle with. True, I've been wanting someone to hang out with for quite a while now so I could get to know and develop into something more substantial than just a light night fling, but I'm realizing that this is my final year in Pembroke and after May I probably won't be back to this town for the next two to three years again. So anything and anyone that I get involved with is going to have to be real down played. Anyway....


Max showed up and and we started to hang out and he's really cool. The thing about it is this. I know I'm not like Big Kevin. He's one of those guys who thinks that just because he's gay and "straight-acting" that this fact alone should automatically land him a man. I don't think that way. I've already come to terms with the fact that my mannerisms would be considered in the middle. I'm not ultra-macho with the whole "nailing bitches...playing football" thing but yet not ultra feminine either with the "let me get my MAC on first" kinda thing. I like the freedom that I get from having a little bit of both sides. However that doesn't mean that I'll date someone that's on either end of the spectrum either. I don't think I'd date an ultra masculine guy because he'd be too much into sports, which generally don't interst me, which would mean we wouldn't have a whole lot in common, while at the same time, I don't want someone who spends eight hours in the bathroom either. Not to say that Max is one or the other, but just for me personally, having just met him, he's a bit too much on the queeny side for me. He shows up to my apartment decked out in gold hoop earrings with this ponytail bun thing looking like he just put some foundation on and it was kind of embarrassing to have him introduced to my roommates. Now if I were alone with no one else there, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but they've been harping and harping on this same fact, so I didn't know what they would think about him. And I don't know what their impressions are nor do I want to. However, it was a little bit scary for me to bring him in there. But we did have a good time and we hung out and he's funny so maybe I'm not giving it a proper chance but at this point in the game, I already asked him what he plans on doing in the next year and he's staying here and creating a business. That's not my plans cause they sure as hell don't involve Robeson County, so we're not even in the same mainstream. And then you have Jamie who's been trying to talk to me for a while but honestly I didnt't want to hurt his feelings or anything. But he's not my type. Not that I have anything against guys bigger than me, but I don't see how that would help us in the long run. If I needed you to get my chair out of the trunk and you couldn't do it, where would that put us? Looking like dumbasses. So I don't bother. So I don't know. There's this guy Jose, but that's a warning flag if I ever saw one. For one thing he's 19 (which I normally don't do either way. Too young), but he's cute so I gave him the time of day. To which he responds that he needs to borrow his sister's car to come and see me. LIES and DECEPTION. I don't have a car myself but that's because of extinginuating circumstances. There isn't a whole lot of a reason why he should be borrowing a car like that. So yeah....

That's issue A. Issue B is the ever looming closeness of this situation with Grad School. I want to go to Fashion School. I really do. But I don't want to start over again. With another four year degree. And I don't want a degree lower than the one I've got. So what do I do? I could look other places but it's San Fran. I was so highly looking forward to going there for the life and it's looking like it's slowly slipping through my fingers. I haven't given up hope yet. I'll find out more and figure something out.

Turns out VR decided to do something right for a change. Delora Jacobs, who works with Ronnie Sampson told me that they decided to actually try and help pay for rent, which would be fabulous. So I'm supposed to be meeting up with her to discuss something to work something out so I can sign up papers and get some checks....which would be great.

Man I can't wait till this semester is over and I'm chilling with Julia over in Nashville. The end of this year just can't come fast enough. And yet I know that next semester will be complete torture. I can see it coming. Complete and utter SENIORITIS....

P.S. I almost forgot to add (and I can't believe I almost did) the new Britney Spears' album is the SHIIIIIIITTTTT!!!! Man I love her! Though she's losing her damn mind, she still knows how to make kick ass music. Thank you for that Brit!

The Ultimate Final Countdown Begins...198 Days and Counting...

October 17, 2007 - Wednesday

The Ultimate Final Countdown Begins...198 days and counting...
Current mood: calm

So just shy of my 200 day mark, I officially have 198 days left before I graduate with my degree on Saturday, May 3rd 2008 with my Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and two minors in Creative Writing and Musical Theatre. And I just can't wait for it. It's getting harder and harder to focus on what I've got to do for it. And yet at the same time, it gives me the boost to get up and do what I need. I just won't know what to do with myself after I get this degree. I've been in school so long, I don't know what else to do with myself. But I've dedicated myself to what I think I want to do afterwards, and I think it will be a fabulous opportunity for someone like me, and give me the chance to get out there and live life at the same time. I want to teach English internationally in other countries. And there's a lot of opportunities to get there, I just have to find the right avenues to do it. I'm not exactly sure what mom and dad think of the situation since I told them that I don't want to go to NASA and that government jobs are just not my flow. But I'm sure once they see that things will work out, they'll come around.

I'm doing better in my classes than I originally expected, though at this time in my graduation career, the GPA is becoming less of an issue as opposed to me just getting through the class with acceptable grades. I just want to be able to get through and get above a 3.0 and be good. That's all I want from all of this. So I can say I finished above average. So things on that front are pretty good.

I've found some amazing music tonight that I have completely fell in love with and ended up spending close to another 10.00 on Itunes tonight, between the new Underworld cd named "Oblivion With Bells," and believe it or not, Telepopmusik's "Angel Milk." I had no idea they had a new cd, and it is absolutely goregous. The song I have totally fallen for much like I did for their first cd, is now on my profile, "Don't Look Back." It's so beautiful. Much like my life after all this strife, when everything is finally over. I will be so ready. So ready. I can't wait to just cry it all out and move on.
Currently listening:
Angel Milk
By Télépopmusik
Release date: 21 June, 2005

And 1 Year Out of the Blue....

Frank. All I have to say is that one word, and immediately that's the end of the conversation. So after not hearing from him for like a year, over a year actually except one quick Happy New Year and a belated Birthday wish, I finally get a chance to have a conversation with him right before my 12:30 class. Dammit! So I come back and I sit and we chat. For a hot minute. And we go over everything. I mean I've thought about him, I've missed him, and apparently so has he, but things have changed like I was dreading they would. Now in a perfect world, he would have been waiting for me to contact him and he'd be single, ready and waiting for me to enter his life full-force so we could continue our relationship as though nothing was wrong and nothing had ever kept as apart for the last 13 months. However, this is not a perfect world. A fact that was painfully obvious to me as he started telling me about this Jason guy whom he met shortly after I left in LA and who he started dating and they've been dating for a year now. That fact is painful. Pretty painful when I think about the guy that meant so much to me is now with someone that I don't even know. But it just goes to show that he's moved on and I guess I probably should too. But the fact that he just appeared out of nowhere is amazing to me. I can't believe I actually located him enough to talk. That made my week. I only hope that it's not another year before we talk.

And just now Madonna's song "Nothing Fails" just came on and it's sooooo appropriate for how I feel with Frank. I just love Itunes. They know exactly what to say when I need it.