The Flash of the Razor Blade.

Okay so like yesterday at like 3:00 in the morning the realization hit me square in the face, when I went to my answering machine and lo and behold who leaves a message? Michael of all people. Yes, Mike from the email, Mike. I was actually quite shocked and he sounds so cute over the phone! Dammit I wish I would've heard the phone ringing...I'm gonna have to stick around more often so I can catch those. However last night I saw a flash of the razor. Last night I came to the realization that I'm almost finished. I'm almost done with school. This time next year, I'll be god-knows-where doing god-knows-what with the rest of my life with no one to account for besides myself. No more waking up at ungodly hours to attend some class that has little meaning on my current lifestyle. No more eating out at places that have no particular bearing on me and what I like. And finally I'll be able to go out on my own terms and meet people, greet them and bring them back to fuck or whatever I please with them, with little or no interference in the process. I've been looking back over my time here at UNC-Pembroke, and though I've still got a little left to accomplish, it doesn't seem nearly as open-ended as I had originally thought. The sad part is, I can still remember the first day I was in college, granted because some crazy ass shit was going down that night, but I can still remember the feeling that I felt, the excitement and the long sadness in my mind that I was leaving behind something casual in exchange for something new. Even now I can remember my high school and what it looked like, but slowly the walls are fading from my mind, the colors, (what were the school colors?) are draining from my psyche, and I have to realize that many of these people I'll never see again, never talk to. Quite frankly, I got up and went to class today with the revelation that these people still have a long way to go before they leave, and I'm getting out. I'm leaving behind (once again) many of the people I knew that I came here with, and in return of me leaving the school behind, I get to jumpstart the rest of my life.

But with that presents a whole new set of problems that I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with. I thought about it yesterday and I have to think of quite a few things before I get out of here in December. I've got to set up some kind system where I can fly away and move to a new city into a new apartment (since that's where I'm thinking of going first before all that other stuff), where I'm gonna have to look for a roommate to help out the first year or so, (since I can cut my costs down that way) I've got to find an appropriate city in which to move to, and if at the same time, I can set up a job in the city, that'd be great. Hmmm.....