When Is Too Much Enough?

So yeah it's day three of the Patrick Stone drama, and believe it or not, not only is he responding to each and every one of my emails, he's demanding that I send MORE! In his words,

" hope your week has been going well and I really hope that you will write back quicker this time.. I've been looking forward to your messages. I miss you big man..hope to talk to you real soon! Take care of yourself broham..cant wait to hear from you!"

Um...whoa. In the entire time of knowing Mr. Stone, he has NEVER. And I repeat, NEVER sent me this many messages on a repeated kind of base. I mean I talked about with my Writing Poetry class today, and Sara (with an H) told me that if I could somehow reconnect and rekindle the relationship that we used to have with each other, that'd be like totally awesome, and she's right. I would love to finally get a chance to connect with him, (not only for the fact that he's STILL gorgeous-give me a break!-) but also because he was a really funny and nice guy. Right now, we're trying (MASSIVELY I might add) to coordinate this effort where we're gonna get together and chill and hang out and catch up on the three years (well technically 3.5 if I count the last semester I didn't want to breathe his name) that we've been out of our lives. And I mean after reading the message, it seems like he geniunely wants to hook up and chill. I mean granted, the last time we spoke was via IM and on there, I was on way heading to Germany the next day and I realized that I might die on the plane ride or over in another country, and I didn't want to go anywhere without telling him about what he did and how he makes me feel and everything.

In truth, I went off on him. Maybe I went a little overboard. Because I let him have it. I really did. I told him any and everything that was on my mind since the day I met him and how much of a fucking asshole he was being my Senior year and how I wanted him to die, no how I wanted to kill him myself, and I let him get the full blast of the treatment. I mean like afterward, I remember that it took him a little while to process what I said, but he just kept apologizing profusely about how sorry he was that he made me feel like that, and how he didn't mean to treat me that way, and how he had so much on his mind that year that he neglected everything and everyone and all of that.

And as I read his messages from Facebook now, though I get the sense that he wants to connect, I also can't help but feel this sense that he's still trying to apologize for what he did. And I don't want him to feel that way. I don't want for the only reason for us to hang out together is because he feels bad, and he thinks that by hanging out with me, he can atone for what he did. I mean what's done is done. He treated me like shit in high school, yes. I tried to get over it, but I don't ever think I will. It may seem minor in many people's eyes but in mine, it was very, VERY major. And now, I sense like this is a ploy (I've been using that word a lot lately) for attention. And if that's what it is, I don't want him to waste his time. I'm worth more and so is he. But...if he is trying to fix what he fucked up, then perhaps it's better than anything either one of us could've hoped for.

I just hope he doesn't become stalkerish and try to call me at all hours of the night and all of that. The only person who's allowed to do that is Jessica and even with her, there are limits as to what can be be/said, and what can't. But secretly and simultaneously, I kinda hope he DOES get stalkerish, so he can need me like I wanted him back in the day, and then maybe then I'll play one of his cards and act like I don't give a fuck. Hmm....very Cruel Intentions meets Basic Instinct. It's a possibility. Not one I'll likely entertain strictly for his cuteness factor, but possible.

Oh yes and before I forget, so last night I asked someone out. Can you believe it? Yes me, I asked out none other than Matt Blue. Yes I know. As far as personal standards go, I had a particular blueprint in my mind, and he totally doesn't fit that, but there's just something about him that I'm intrigued by. I love being around him and he's funny as hell. So we'll have to see where that goes. I see him again tonight at musical rehearsal (ooohhhh god, when will this show be done?) but we're not scheduled for anything till next week. Dammit, when can this week be done? That's one step closer to Matt, Trick and NASA. Come on Father Time! Work your damn magic already!

P.S. What the fuck is "broham"? Can anyone tell me? I'm out of the "caucausian lingo" loop.