Okay so this has been a completely shitty week in the relationship department. Quite frankly I have just about had it with this bullshit that I keep hearing from these fools online. The way it usually works I'll hang out for a while in some cyber lounge and some will message me or something or I'll message them and we'll start up a cute conversation or something like that. And then we'll get to the interesting parts about what we wanna do later and how we wanna do it, and they'll be all gung ho about it and we'll get excited about the prospect of getting together to do something and then because I'm an honest person and that's just the way I am, I'll tell them that I have cerebal palsy and that is normally where the conversation comes to a complete and abrupt halt. And it happens nearly everytime I have a conversation with someone I like. It's happened so often that it's about to make me just give up on the Internet after all. The shit is just annoying! Not to mention it really hurts the ego. And then the nuke hit this morning when I finally got a chance to confront VJ about why he hasn't been making an effort for us to hang out.
Turns out he feels like his work is too important and that his life is too complicated right now for some kind of relationship. To me, that's bullshit. And as I told him, he makes me feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for someone to come and sweep me away and that I have nothing better to do with my life than to wait for some man. That's BULLSHIT! I'm currently working on three degrees here at this damn school (of which I have one already) and I'll be graduating next Spring so it isn't like I have all the time in world like some princess locked in a tower to have some prince just come and rescue me. Secondly he tried to use the trick of: "well my parents and I aren't really getting along with this gay thing," and mine are? FUCK that! God I swear guys can be so stupid! For him to have all those brains and to be so brilliant and intelligent, he has the dumbest responses!!!! But it made me really upset not at the fact that he doesn't want to see me right now, but at the concept that I actually waited for this fool. I gave up god knows how many chances in DC over the summer because I felt like it would've been wrong to do that and head back to NC to someone I thought was waiting like we had agreed to do back in June. So he makes me feel like a dumbass. And yeah I was hurt. I still am. Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like whenever I meet a guy who's nice and sweet and caring and beautiful the only they see about me is my disability, but you know what? I'm gonna fix that. Most definately. It just gives me another reason to sign up for that rehabiliation. And then once I got my shit together, we'll see who's laughing then. When I become a model and a chereographer and a dancer who's designer clothes, killing the runway and dating five and six people simultaneously, I'd like to see their faces then. Cause then I won't have to put up with this bullshit anymore!
God I fucking hate Cerebal Palsy sometimes.
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