I Have Few Options, So...Now It's Up to God.

So the unthinkable has finally occured. I lost my SSI. Due in part to taxes filed from April in conjunction with the fact that the government has scaled back on resources, I'm no longer receiving the nice cushiony check that helped out so much from school.....oh Lord, now what? It would've been really nice if this would've lasted until at least August, as then I could be preparing for other things but as things are, that hasn't happened. And makes me sad because I can see a large crack appearing in my plans to head to London in the Fall, because now, I don't even have the check to depend on monthly...(maybe. A thought occured to me because the woman on the phone told me that while I'm in London I wouldn't receieve the money, but...if they know I plan on going here, then that problem would be solved....so perhaps I'll play the system.) But now things are going to get even crazier because now without the monthly check that means I'm relying solely on my income and things are going to be stretched farther than they are now.

However. Lisa told me that God wouldn't have given me this chance to go to school in another country if I wasn't meant to go. I have to hold on to the belief that it is meant for me to go to England and to get this degree, regardless of the kind of obstacles that get in the way. That will have to be the one thing that I hold on to, in the belief that if I have to, I'll take another loan to pay for the plane ticket that will get me to Europe while I'm trying to get everything situated. It's just that it seems like everytime things look like they're going to be alright, something comes along and destroys that image, and it makes me wonder what I'm going to do next. I mean, it's like a $200 Sprint bill here, $300 Costa Rica bill coupled with a $60 hotel stay, somehow a $500 loan has to be repaid, I need another $220 for a student visa, and close to $400 for a plane ticket to London, all while dealing with the last two months of rent (plus a month where I don't know where I'm going) but it's looking like subletting may be the best way to go, now I just gotta tap into the networks of the people I already know.

I just have to believe. And so I will keep believing that this IS what I'm supposed to be doing. That I AM supposed to live my life, and travel to Costa Rica, and return to move to England, and that all of my bills will be paid out and finished on time. I have no choice. This is the decision that I make, and so I this is me stepping out on complete faith though I haven't seen the end of this mess, and I know not how it's going to end, but I do know that every single time (and I do mean EVERY) single time it looks like it might be really, really bad, something happens to pull me out and everything works out just fine in the end. So I am praying for strength and guidance in the name of Jesus and already knowing that he will work all of this out for my good.

Amen.