Say Hello To My Little Friend!

This, blog, is my new mini netbook which I purchased yesterday. Okay...did I really have the money to buy it? Not...really. But to be fair it wasn't exactly an impulse buy. My laptop is like six freaking years old and it's large and clunky and while it works fairly well to type on, granted the keys were starting to fall out and it can no longer reliably serf the Internet. I'll be fair. It has served me well (reasonably, not counting the last year.) And it is time to let go and move on. It's a Dell 910 mini and it's soooo cute! I bought it because I'll be traveling quite a bit upon my return to the States, and I figured, I can use it to be doing my writing and surfing the net, without having to lug this ugly box around which will be nice. Now I can be trendy and sophisticated for all of three seconds as I work on my novel at the airport and the train station, lol.



In other news, let's see. I found out from Sarah Solly that I officially passed my poetry module. Yay! (Like I didn't know that, but with Jeff it's always a wildcard.) So that's good. Now I can officially move ahead and submit this dissertation that's been a massive pain in my ass for the entire summer. I'm looking forward to finally getting this thing out of my hands for good. Well, at least over to the teacher before it goes on my harddrive for a little while. If nothing else, I guess it's nice to be able to spend your day writing and planning and plotting as you please. I suppose this is the life of a writer. If that's the case, I'm going to have to develop some serious discipline. lol. Then again, Louise did tell me the trick was treating it like a job. Getting up at 9 to work till 5 and so on. I just don't know if I can commit to such a thing at the moment. But I am at least eyeing to have the first book "The Unravelling" ready for agent review by next summer. Ugh. A whole 'nother year. Oh well. We shall see.

Tom. Hmm....that's a complicated issue. He came through on Sunday, after flaking out I mean developing some kind of eye thing on Saturday after I went with Sajitha to her church. That was interesting. I headed along trying to see what Seven Day Adventist was all about. And afterward, this lady was trying hardcore to get me to go back and join and all that. I....don't think that's gonna be happening. These people were like, hardCORE about their bibles. Seriously. No makeup. No earrings. And every line was spoken with the unspoken utterance of "fire and brimstone" in it. Not a bad place, though. Good singers. I enjoyed the music. And the word. That kid who was preaching was good. A bit long winded. Okay, very long winded. The church was supposed to be out by 12:45. At 1:30, he was still going strong. Anyway, after a brief argument with Sajitha's friend about why it's supposedly impossible for people to be both Christian and gay, I came back to chill until Sunday when Tom came.

Well. His coming didn't exactly work out like I or he planned. To be fair, I was still a bit miffed about his not coming for over a month. I mean I'm starting to think that this was another Andrew affair without the shocking revelation behind it, (by the way he totally called me the other day with this thing of "I wish you weren't leaving the UK..." HUH? really? YOU DO? Cause I had no damn idea....but anyway) which is a bit disappointing. I gave him two opportunities to speak up and tell me what he wanted to do, and when he didn't take the bait either time, I was just about over it. I told him about what Andrew did to me, and I was waiting for him to respond with a "oh well our relationship isn't like that. I enjoy hanging out with you and I know your place isn't a hotel." Did I get it? No. He just said, "huh" and moved on. Strike one. Then we went to Nando's for dinner (mmmmm) and while there after loving me some Dani, we got to talking about our plans once we were both back in the States. I was just trying to see if he wanted to see me there, and he's all like, "you could come to New Orleans but I don't know if Baton Rouge would be good for you." Huh? That's not what you're supposed to say. Considering that your ass will have a car now, you could be like, "yeah it might be a little hard, but hey we'll get over it. Because I really want to see you, I'll make it work."

*sigh*

I didn't hear any of it. And it was disappointing. So when we made it back to the crib, and we're playing Lego Harry Potter (which is fun, mind you) he goes to try and kiss me when he starts to announce that he has to go. I wasn't feeling it. I felt like this whole trip was leading up to him trying to do something to me for some reason, and that he'd be disappointed if it didn't happen. Well considering at this point, I'd be disappointed twice, I wasn't in the mood for games and just spun around and dipped out. When he followed me to the kitchen and tried to kiss me a second time, he correctly guessed "I think I've pissed you off. I'm gonna go." My response? "later!" Yes I was pissed. You didn't say anything to me all day about what you wanted to do, especially when you know that we're on borrowed time as it is. So I took that is a fine. This is done. Could I have asked? Gotten my all consuming burning question? Yes. Did I want to? No. I'm sick and tired of being the one that does all the soul-searching. Let someone else ask ME for a fucking chance. I'm done with it. So I guess it's back to the drawing board on this one.

Am I upset about it? Yes. I know I had a lot in common with Tom. Writing, games, cooking, there was a lot to go on there. But I'm learning. Even that isn't enough some time. I know what I want for myself. Someone that cares about me. Truly. I want someone who calls me out the blue randomly just to be like, "I was thinking of you, so I just wanted to say hi." You never hear about that anymore. Am I being unrealistic? Maybe. But I know what I want. I deserve it. I have a lot to give. But only to the one who deserves to get it. Anyone else, can just get in line. Take a number, bitches.

:(