Do I Fuck Him Or Not?

I'm gonna post this quick cause this connection is shaky as hell. I met a guy on Gay. com, and he's really nice, an English professor in Raleigh. We got to talking and he eventually asked me to have lunch with him so he could get to know me better. First off, the guy isn't single, he's been with his Asian partner for like six years, but their both involved in an open relationship, which tells me he's only using me for the ass, and then when he's through he'll leave me alone. But now, I'm not sure whether or not to do it. I'm supposed to meet this guy named Daniel tomorrow at Bennigans for lunch, and he wants to talk and all that, and then afterwards go back and have sex. Now in my mind I'm thinking of the pros and cons of the situation, as I so often do. The pros: A)the guy is older and so he'll have experience as to show me what to do and what not to do B)He's been with his partner for six years now, and he says he's HIV negative so that should be a sign he's alright C)It could just be plain old-fashioned fun. But always at the other side of my head, it's telling me that there are cons to the situation to. A)I've heard the shit hurts like a motherfucker, and if I don't know what I'm doing I could hurt myself B)Frankly, I don't know the guy and he's a perfect and total stranger. He could be a freak psycho who tries to kill me and all that. And on top of that, this isn't anything like what I thought about in my mind as my first time, and C)Above all else, this guy could be positive. With the open relationship that he has with his partner, it's not guarantee that he's been completely honest, and that's the side that I need to be worried about. Not to mention he could be completely ugly.

So right now, I'm shitting bricks as whether or not to think about what I'm gonna do. And in my mind it's telling me to enjoy the free lunch have a nice chat with the guy, and based off the way he looks and the kinda of man he presents himself to be, figure out what I wanna do. He already presented some of kind of iternary for what's going down. A little kissing, a little touching, some oral, and because he's top, finally some anal. He even agreed to let me do the foot thing if I wanted, which is a plus. But in truth, I'm just scared shitless about what to do. In my mind, I've always wanted to do this, but I didn't wanna do it at this minute. But I'm thinking that I'm growing older and I need to get a grip on the kind of lifestyle that I'm potentially choosing to be mine. At least if I let him fuck me, then I get to know what it feels like from one side of the line, which leaves the other side open, which isn't really that hard to do. Hint: Jay down in Orlando. But either way, I'm totally confused and I need a serious and unbiased opinion about what I should do. So I just called my sister Kimari, and I called my cousin Dale, cause I've got to get a second opinion on this shit. There's no way I'm about to do something this big without some kind of back up approval or disapproval. I'll let you know.

Another Finale Approaches in the Distance...

Since I've taken to acting like my life is a tv sitcom in the last few months, it's only appropriate to mention now that today was another near season finale. Apparently, it's gotten to the point due to my actions from my last blog that people are attempting readjust themselves to make my lives more difficult. For one thing, my father decides out the blue to snatch a thousand dollars from my account so that way he can get his money back for the laptop. Then, I went to Orlando Florida for a week to visit Jessica and in the process attempted to move there by asking Diane and Charles, who are her friends to drive me back to my house. So nine hours and five states later we get to the house only to have my mother unload a load of bullshit on me about how I shouldn't have left in the first place and about how more expensive it would be to live with Diane. In truth, she's right cause Diane was charging me a full 400 dollars a month to live with her, though she's living with Jessica and Walter (Jessica's current boyfriend, who's in jail for a misdameanor and a felony) and she intends to charge them both a full 2,000 dollars, though neither of them knows it. Though considering that she's let Jessica stay there so far, I doubt she will turn around and charge her, though she is running out of money. So my mother paid Diane to go back home and pack up my stuff including that brand new Xbox 360 and send it back. Which I found today that a guy in Singapore is trying to pay me a thousand to get it, which I will gladly give it to him and buy it again in April. So we shall see what happens with that. But what I hated most was she had Diane and Charles sitting on the sofa and they sat there and berated me for a full hour in front of them both, making me look like a liar and a petty crook, saying I manipulated Charles and Diane into thinking that they were horrible parents and that I ran to Diane to get away from their tyranny and the whole nine. Overall, it was utterly and unbelievably ridiculous, and it was making me look horrible in front of Diane. I started crying when I realized that cause I didn't want Diane to get a bad impression of me, cause I wanted to keep the chance to be able to go back to her house in the future. At this point, I'm not really sure what she thinks about me, but I just hope it's not bad. But now, through a whirlwind scene over the last 24 hours, I've ended up back at my house hopefully for the last time till I finally leave and go to Germany. And that in itself is a completely new schedule to keep.

Spiraling Into Madness....A Foam-At-the-Mouth-Craving for EBAY!!!!

Well well now. Quite a few updates now. Including the purchases of some truly outrageous commodities on my part. Let's see here. I've got the passport done, I've got my state license (which officially lists me as an organ donor, though I was not prepared for that question.) Quite now, I'm officially broke at the moment, meaning that nearly all my scholarship money is gone for the moment. And what did I spend it on? Random stuff really. For the most part, but then at the last minute when I get told that I might be able to take my chair to Germany, I thought about it and decided that I had to have a new chair to take to Germany since the manual I have now is definately not going to work. So I went to the wonderful virtual marketplace that doubles as Hell, and I logged onto Ebay. I found what I was looking for and after two weeks of watching like a damn hawk, I slipped in at the last five minutes and stole that bitch away from like 27 other people. I just love being malicious! So anyway, that cost me like 400 dollars, but on the plus side, it looks like a really nice sports chair and has red flashing lights in the mini-wheels! You know how I do! Gotta pimp it, hoes! Well that was that, though I had to into a serious bid-murdering rampage in the last ten seconds of that bid. Apparently a bunch of people wanted that thing really bad, but I wasn't having it. And so now I own it, and I'm just waiting for it to arrive, so I can see what the damage is. But...there's another side to this madness. And that's why I hate Ebay with a passion. Cause you're there and you bid on one item, and on your way out you see other stuff that looks so good, and the price is so low, that you've just got to bid and see if you can grab it. And that's what happened to me.

I got caught in the snare and the result was a loss of 700.00 on a brand new premium package of an Xbox 360 and Perfect Dark Zero. My mom is litterally shitting bricks at the minute cause the bank called her and informed her that a massive chunk of 1,100 dollars had evaporated from my account in a matter of minutes, and they had no idea why. And so I call her and she questions me up and down, and I tried to put it on the wheelchair, but that only accounted for 400, and she thinks I only spent 400. As long as it stays that way, I'm fine. But in truth, why did I do it? Well for one thing, my check from the school is coming in next week for 2300 dollars, which I wasn't even sure was going to arrive. And I get paid another 400 on Thursday. However, I just gotta figure out how I'm gonna put back 2000 dollars before I leave in March. My goal was to be there with 9900 like originally planned. But if that means I've got to put a hold on the trip, then so be it. Or better yet, I'll leave later and just be in London for my birthday. That's all I really wanted anyway. Who knows? I've just come to this realization that people are just getting killed left and right everyday, and hey it's always happened since the beginning of time, but now nothing and I mean NOTHING is guaranteed anymore. I could drop dead tomorrow night. And then what? Nothing! I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to! At this point, my feelings say that if I never get to go to Europe ever again, at least I got to visit all the major cities all at once. And yeah it cost me three grand, but I'll have memories for the rest of my life. However long it lasts....