The Eclipse

Okay so here I am writing this and this day has not been the best one for me. Quite frankly, it sucked ass. The writing I'm calling this The Eclipse, is because Keven and Mari have a saying that whenever something is wrong (like someone did something to someone) they call it shade. It's like it's so grimy it can't be done in the sunlight. So as a result it has to be done in the darkness. While this is definately the ultimate shade today because I went to the damn Sinfonia interview yesterday and after a week of trying desperately to convince these guys to let me at least get a bid for the fraternity, after pulling myself to through the complete nonsense of going to every party and watching them get drunker and drunker, it was to no avail. I'm sitting there in my room (after all the pledges went to McDonald's to eat) waiting for the telephone to ring in my room telling me that I can have my pin and continue the process. But as the hours rolled on, I was getting a bit doubtful as to whether or not it was actually gonna happen. And then at 12:39 Matt Blue comes in the room with his notebook informing me that they've had the meeting with the bids, and I didn't get one. AGAIN. Now this is fucking ridiculous. I did everything I was supposed to do. I went out on an extra limb to prove myself to them, I talked to them one on one and I tried my best to convince them to give me a chance. All of it was for nothing. Nothing change, nothing mattered. Apparently they must think that I'm not good enough for Sinfonia or something because honestly I can't think of anything that I could've did differently. And of course, they didn't honor us with the reasoning behind why we don't have the bid. Of course I have to sit there and smile politely as I watch other people move past me and do this stupid shit because I can't. (I'm sure that Kevin got one this time, even though he never mentioned it. I'm happy for him but still. And I haven't seen Clayton yet, which is making me wonder. And if they both got one, I'll be VERY PISSED.) So today I didn't want to go to class or anything but rather sitting there in my room stewing for no reason, I decided to go to class actually. And I'm glad I did. It was actually fairly interesting. But still I'm gonna need some time to get through this. The only thing that I can think of that would fix my mood is: going shopping, which I plan to do RRRREEEAAALLLL soon. Dammit, I fucking deserve it! I can't believe this shit. Honestly I can't believe it. I have to go before I break this fucking keyboard.

Life Update Part Two: Tuesday

So then, this is the part that I couldn't really explain about before but I feel like it's important to go through even if I'm the only one that can read it because I'm gonna need it for myself and stuff. So I'm also dealing with this stuff from PMA and after the first meeting within like two hours, I was talking to Efrain and he informs me of the fact that they already think I'm a snobbish asshole who only thinks of himself and stuff because I wasn't "humbled" enough to join the group to begin with. That pissed me off like hell, especially since Jackie had come to me earlier talking about "oh I heard you're pledging, well you should forget it because you're not gonna make it. Tlhey're gonna punk you out." I hate it when people tell me what I can and cannot do and stuff. That just makes me feel like only out to tell me the things that they think I can't do. So from that moment on, I decided to change my entire tactic and everything. Apparently since they thought that I was "unapproachable" which was one of the terms given to me (after which I had had an interesting conversation with PJ they're leader who told me that I was not humble enough and too forward at first and to lower my guard) and he informed me to modify my tactics. So I've been trying to do so the whole time that I've been dealing with this. I'm decided to hang out with the guys at lunch (turns out Jason Grimes-the guy next door to me, the one that doesn't speak?- is actually quite hilarious and a great guy too. And Astrada's not bad himself, either) and I'm always talking to them and trying to hang out a parties and make myself available. I don't want PJ and the others saying that I didn't make an effort that I wasn't there for them and that I was too myself like Aaron told me (of which he said he was convinced that I was a snobbish asshole that kept completely to myself and really selfish-keep in mind, he doesn't know me like at ALL but nevertheless, that doesn't stop me from acting like it apparently)So I approached him to the side, (although I didn't want to, but I didn't see any other alternative to get his attention) he told me how he felt about me and all of that but eventually he said he would wipe the slate clean and all of that. So basically that's what I've been trying to do with myself is go and corner each of the individual PMA's and basically get them to see that I'm trying to change my ways so I can pledge and move on and finally get the damn letters and move on. However the real test as to all of this work is worth it, is on Monday when bids actually come out. I guess I'll have to see what's really going on then. It will determine my whole outlook and attactivities on this campus this year.

Life Update Part One: Monday

So yeah I was talking about all the random shit that's happened this week and so it's Wednesday and I finally have like three seconds to talk about it, though for security reasons it's got to be split into two pieces (sorry you guys for anyone that reads this). So in this one, I'm gonna talk about Monday. Monday was the day I met the woman for a job here at UNCP. I went there after trying to head to class and failing, I stopped and picked up some professional materials to sweeten the initial package like a leather profilio, a gold UNCP pen, and a new bag to carry around. After doing that, I headed over the UC where I met the lady upstairs and we preceeded to talk about the program she does. Basically, she comes to campuses on behalf of the US Government in an effort to find more recruitment in the area of special disabilities and then she puts that information on a website that's accessible to everyone (the students, and the employers) and then from there, their free to contact you however they feel. So after speaking with her (after telling her about the love of fashion to which she replied that they didn't have a fashion department in the Pentagon but I said that Collen even General Colin Powell needed a personal image consultant. So after that, she agreed to put the information up on the site, so I can't do anything about it but just wait.

In other news, I managed to make the musical so now I have the part of Pops and all of that, which thrilled the other people, and my parents included so that will be pretty cool, and I'm still trying to do this other stuff on the side, but we'll have to see how that works out. (P.S. I accidentally sold off one of my English books today, so like a dumbass I'm gonna have to buy it again!)