The Heart Always Knows...

So then this is it. I knew when I first started trying to put myself out there that it wasn't going to work. I just thought that with Travis' blessings and his courage behind me that that would be enough to take me over and conquer one of the greatest challenges that I've faced yet. However I found out tonight that it isn't to be so. In a way, it's a relief, but in another it's a massive disappointment, though I haven't decided which one is more potent. But the thing is, I already knew that. I knew that on Monday when I didn't get a phonecall and the hours ticked by. I knew yesterday when nothing happened, nobody came and nothing rang. Even though I was trying to prove mind over matter kind of thing by persuing this near-impossible dream for me, it wasn't enough to conquer it and I was told tonight that it wasn't going to happen. The funny thing is, I already knew that it wasn't gonna go through. I knew when I was sitting up there that the only thing keeping the answers coming out of my mouth was my mind and the nerves firing behind it that was allowing me to answer in such a way. But in reality I knew that there was going to be something wrong. There was gonna be a problem, a hitch somewhere along the line, and that in some kind of way it wasn't meant to be. So I guess I have nothing to do but to reflect on what could have been. However I will not saying anything against them because that would lower me and I still have respect for the majority of the people there. However it should be evident that rejection hurts. It stings like a son-of-a-bitch. I'm sorry, Travis.