How to Break a Looking Glass

So okay I was told not to write a blog about this but there's no way I'm not putting this down for my records to keep. So it's finally happened. After 3 years of knowing Jessica the unthinkable has finally occured. She's finally become pregnant. PREGNANT. And the sad part, it's not even her fault. Or at least the way she puts it. The way I hear it she was going to a photo shoot down at a place in Florida over a weekend, and while there these three guys cornered her and raped her ridiculously. And the result? PREGNANCY. That fucking sucks!!!! I mean in two ways. The first way, is for her. At this point in her life, this is the LAST thing she needs. She's three years away from getting her biggest check (the 25 million mega-whopper) and she's halfway through school with her Criminal Justice degree and then things like this happen. I mean sometimes I wonder. Just what the hell is going on up there with God? I mean I know all is supposed to work for the good but damn!

The second part of the equation is me. I finally told her about how I sat and thought about it and how if she wasn't seeing someone when I graduated school at the end of this year, hopefully then I would come down and we could give it a try. She sounded interested and we traded words but I'm beginning to wonder. I mean she mentions this guy Donovan like eight times every sentence, and according to her they've been seeing each other for three years though not actually in person till October of last year. It makes me wonder if she's trying to see anyone at all. But then again, do I really wanna get involved in all of that unncessary drama that's going on down there? I mean I'd have to deal with all of this stuff that's going on right now, and I'm not prepared to do that, but who knows what's going to happen after tomorrow? Perhaps I'll be better equipped for stuff like that when the time comes. And if I am getting an apartment with her, then perhaps things will change. I want to go down there and try to help her out and keep her out of these unneccessary situations, but it makes me wonder if I will be able to at all. Jessica's the type of person who will do what she wants to if her mind pops up at it. And I kinda had this looking glass pointed at the future of my relationship of her. I imagined coming down there and swooping her out of all the mess and taking her away to a place where she could try to revert back to the Jessica she was before all the bullshit. In my mind, I still have this image of her when I saw her pictures with Rodney and of the way she was when she still put butterfles in her signature. Not that I want her to revert to the naive girl she used to be, but back to the near innocence she had. No one deserves to have all of that misery. But...it's like putting in big crack in my glass with baby. She's talking about she wants it and stuff like that and it will ruin everything. On top of that, I don't want another guy's baby. Since my mom is adamant about me having my own children, I'm not about to start with someone else's. And if she cares about that, then I guess it wouldn't work no way.

I'm just glad that after we talked last night I got her to at least consider having an abortion even though I'm against doing since I feel like that's trying to get rid of too much responsibility for that person. But in Jessica's situation, I can't say that. And I don't want her having the bastard son of some motherfucker that raped her. It doesn't sound right and it won't feel right either. I just hope that her mother will understand if she chooses to go through with it. She claims that the only way she'll do it is through the pill though she informed me it only has a 96% success rate. That's still too high for me, but still I guess that's the only she'll go through with it. I just hate that this is the only way she has to do it. I hope that everything goes well for her. But damn!!!!