The Coin of Friendship: Tails

so yeah. this really really hurts me to write. but I have to do it, or I'll never get over the situation. So after four years of waiting, of praying, of laying up late at night and wondering into the lengthening blackness, and hoping that he's okay, I finally met AJ today. It should've been a completely joyous reunion with lots of laughing and happiness, but instead what I got was this watered down version of the AJ I knew from before. I guess the old addage is totally true. Time changes all. I mean he looks the same I remember with the whole goofy smile and all of that, but now he's getting fat, with a beer belly, and he's seemed to fizzle out of the youthful energy that he once possessed. It was like looking at the shadow of the AJ that was once before me. And he had brought his girlfriend with him, which was totally innappropriate I thought at first because A) I mean we haven't seen each other in YEARS! And the one time that we do get a chance to get together, he brings his girlfriend?! I mean that's kinda fucked. But even I could over look that. In an attempt to see him again, that's something easy to get over. So yeah he came and this girl Beth is like a totally tween queen, and it was totally not the guy I used to know or the kinda girl he would date. I mean the thing is, she's like a totally prissy kinda princess. She's a sweet, nice innocent-looking glass girl, and he's so rough and jagged that I wouldn't have ever thought that. But I'm looking at him and realizing that he's lost the luster that he used to have. I mean he's like a flickering candle. And it was really sad to see. But the worst part of it all, is what he said at the end of the night, when he was driving me home.

When I told him that I couldn't believe I was in his truck after all this time, he was like, "why's that?" And I was like, well isn't it obvious? I mean we haven't seen each other in forever and you're asking me? And then to mmake matters worse, he was like, "Well I mean you guys just aren't that important to me anymore. I mean you weren't with me in Iraq, and the guys I was with, they're like my brothers!" I mean, GODDAMIT! I'm like sitting here crying now thinking about it. That's heartbreaking. You all just don't understand. I've known this guy for over 11 years. That's over half of my lifetime. We've gone to middle school, and all through high school and everything. I helped him through all of it. When he left I searched records and called Fort Bragg, and called his mom of any kind of information to know that he was still alive. I used to look up to him so much. And he totally totally let me down. And to tell me that I'm just a friend, just something to take his mind off of whatever he's doing. That hurts a lot. It was like years, and years, and years wasted. And dammit I hate him for that. How dare he make me feel worthless. You know what? I can't even write this anymore. I'm just too angry. I'm about to just start sobbing. So I'm gonna stop. Man, fuck AJ. Fuck him and his military "brothers" in Iraq. No body told him to go. That was his decision. I'm so over it. Fuck this.