PMA (It's the Bi-Yearly Curse)

Okay so this is about the situation going on with Phi Mu Alpha. You remember? that music fraternity? that has burned me twice already? Well I just about forgot all about them when out of the blue I log onto Facebook (which I'm quickly getting over) and see this group called those interested in Phi Mu Alpha. So I click on the link and see this group for a bunch of guys interested in attending their interest session and I'm mildly amused, not thinking anymore about the subject. But as I check my inbox, I see that I have a message and clicking it lo and behold it was an invitation to join the group as well. (keep in mind, the group was an invitation only type of deal from the administrators) Well that brings me to the point of this blog? What is the deal with them? I'm sure they know, in fact I'm sure they're POSITIVE about the fact that I'm angry, and not even angry, that's the wrong word. I'm LIVID about what they pulled on me last year and the year before that. This is the third time I'd be coming out for them, and even though I don't want anymore to do with the group, I can't seem to break myself away from the association. I want this so bad. I want to be in something that I can feel associated with and more than just on a friendship level. I know many of the guys there, and I feel like I'm nothing more than some passerby at the window of what they have going on. I want to feel like part of what they have going on, simply because I know I could. But I haven't be given the chance to do anything about it, and it's annoying as shit because I don't know what else to do or say to change the situation. So I don't know. The meeting isn't until the 21st, which means I have less than a week to decide what I'm gonna do about this situation. I wish I could show this to you guys and get some kind of feedback about the situation because I'm truly torn in this decision. I want to do this because so many people telling me that I couldn't, I want to do it to prove to my parents that I can do this and for other people like Clayton who had to leave to get over the pain they caused. I want to do for it for Travis and his memory as a memoriam for the reason that he meant so much to me. At this point at my career at Pembroke, since I'm graduating in May, it wouldn't make any sense to be joining it to show off letters (even though that is a pretty big perk) but now it's for more than that. But...I don't know. I just don't know.