An Idle Mind is the Devil's Playground pt. 2

Man...I dont' know what else to say but man! This shit don't make no sense. There are just some things that one shouldn't think about. There are things that are incredibly dangerous that can cause serious problems to one's mental and physical health if they are approached. I have seen more problems (the sexual like) on this campus over the summer than any in any particular school semester. Take for instance in this one particular room, (ya'll who know, know.) I could get into serious trouble if I continue to think and dwell upon this dwelling. There's a particular person in there that though I see them everyday (and though the name is tempting, I refuse to subject myself or anyone to that kind of torture) it's just soo hard to keep from saying a nice word. It's a person that when you look at them, your eyes start hurting because they're just that beautiful. And it's not they're neccessarily model-esque status, cause they're not, but something about them just attracts them involuntarily to you. I know, I know. This is the same kind of shit that got me in trouble with that motherfucker Patrick, but still, I'm thinking that maybe I'll never learn. But I know now that I took things there too fast last time, and because of it, everything fell apart even when I didn't want it to. But you know, it's soo difficult to not say something to someone when you really want to. And the thoughts that you have about this person, oooohhhh if they knew, you'd probably be arrested. Things that you said you'd never do that you want to do so bad, and even if it goes against your morale code, you'd try it with this person just because they're that type to make you wanna explore. My God, it doesn't make sense! Wouldn't life just be soo much easier, if you could explain things to people without having to hide? If you could just walk up to them and be like, "Hey you know? I have something I have to tell you. I am really really attracted to you. And though I know you're not probably on the same link as me, I just thought I should let you know. Please don't hate me for eternity for feeling the way I do." And then the sad part is, you don't say anything to them, the summer ends, and they vanish, and then you find out from someone else that they are gay, straight or bi, and you wanna shoot yourself in the face because you never asked them anything of the subject because you're too chicken shit to do anything about it. But you know what? I'm just saying, even if you didn't have to say anything, you'd rather leave things the way they are because secretly you like the way that it makes you feel. You like the way your heart jumps when you see them, the way your stomach does Dominique Dawes jumping flips when they turn to look at you. You love it when you blush (even if they can't see it) when they acknowledge you exist. And you love the way they look at you with that hunger, such an intense hunger that makes you wanna throw them on the cafeteria table and strip off clothes right then and there in front of everyone. And in my mind I could see the rain, caught in a thunderstorm on the way back to campus from a party in the Courtyard or something, and hiding under a buidling or something, and then it starts as talking, just innocently, and then I get bold and tell them, and they stare back at me, melting my insides to liquid mush, and they talk back slowly at first, unsure of how to continue. And then as the conversation moves slower, they sit down on your lap and the conversation gets slower, until without realizing it we are close to one another only an inch away as the make-out begins, slowly and more intimate and then you feel their hands pressing inside of your shirt, sliding fingers down over your skin, burning hot, and you return the favor, putting the breaks on, and sliding your hands over their back going underneath the shirt feeling ever slowly around the waist sliding your hands down...as you undo the belt buckle, and slide the jeans off...okay and on that note, I'm gonna stop. Dammit! What is this guy doing to me?