Oh man, I hate this. This is that semi-anually disease something in between anger, envy and pity that always ends up engulfing me at the wrong time. I absolutely can't stand it. I just spent the last two hours upstairs talking and listening to a story that would make Lifetime cringe. And of course, it was just so so perfect. And it ends oh so perfectly. And then to complicate matters, the bad part was in the caf, so it made everything so much worse than usual. Then to see someone so damn happy it's more than I take! I'm saying! Right about now, I'd be tempted to put in names into these blogs, but I just realized today that more people read this blog than what I had orginally anticipated, but it's alright. I'm through hiding. I was gonna put half of this stuff in the diary section where only I can access it, but there's really no point. If it's on the Internet, it can be accessed.
I'm so through listening to other people's relationship issues. Why is it that they think that they can just dump it on me when I don't really want to hear to begin with? Do they not realize all crap that I have to deal with in my own life? Apparently they either don't care, or they really want to press their impulses on you regardless. Whatever the reason, it matters not to me. I am absolutely through hearing about this person who had problems with this person because they slept with this person and now they want them back, or someone who loves someone else who refuses to admit it. Or someone who refuses to fall in love with anyone because they remained locked at all times. I am not a garbage can. I am a human being, I have to process all the thoughts and emotions that other people put on me and it makes it so much harder when I can't focus on what I'm doing till the point where I get lost in their shit. I tell you, I'm tired of this. I'm through hearing about this other person who has the perfect relationship in another state by they are fucked over by the fact that they can't be with their lover. I admire the fact and the lengths that someone will go for someone else, but it makes it much harder when I have to think about this at the end of the day. At the end of the night, I have to deal with the fact that everyone has unloaded on me, and their clear and free to do whatever it is that they want, and me, I can't do home to think straight without across someone else's thoughts. Can't I be free to have my own thoughts one of these days?
Some people think that I'm heartless and cruel while others think I'd sacrifice myself for the world. In truth, I'm more of the latter than the former. In all truth, there are a few people on this earth that I would distinct and utter pleasure watching bleed in the middle of the street. Granted, they are few and far inbetween, but in truth, I would relish watching them struggle in pain, and I wish at times that I could reflect the damage that they do at me back at them. If they had any inkling of what I'd do to them, then it would probably keep them from talking to me at all. Which, I guess is a good thing cause it keeps me from dealing with their problems. Which is always a good thing.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment