The Genius of Alexander Pope

When I was in eleventh grade, I can remember sitting there listening to one of my teachers (at this minute the name eludes me completely) and I remember looking up towards the front of the classroom and seeing a banner that he had posted up on the wall and I remember thinking, "Wow, I like that quote so much I'm gonna write it on my jeans." And so I did. And my jacket, and my binder. It kinda became my un-official high school anthem. It said the following:

"Blessed Is He Who Expects Nothing, For He Will Never Be Disappointed." -Alexander Pope.

Now I know to the particular people out there in the world, this may sound like a really really cynical thing to say but honestly I can understand why he said it. I understood it then and I'm beginning to understand it more and more as everyday goes past. I keep looking at all my friends here in Germany and in Pembroke, and just everywhere in the world and they have all have things that they are looking forward to doing. Of course I do too but it seems at times that some of the most basic joys that any normal teenager would be allow to love has just been taken away from me. No, not taken rather just never given to me. For example, the car. That has been probably the biggest issue that has plagued my life for the last 6 years or so simply because at times (and a lot of times) it seems so utterly impossible to achieve.

For those of you who don't know, my car past begins like so:

In 9th grade I took the Driver's Ed class with everyone else because I was told I was required to like all high-school freshmen. So I did. But what I quickly discovered was that I was like all high school freshmen because my driver's ed teacher looked at me when he passed back the tests, (of which I passed with a 98) and told me I would have to left his classroom because he couldn't teach me how to drive. He told me he was nowhere near qualified to teach me how to drive what they call a "handcar" and that if I wanted to learn I'd have to hire my own driver at another school.

So what that meant basically was, you're not driving today. Or next week, or next year. So I had to watch as all my friends got their licenses and their new cars and drove out to lunch and so on and so forth while I got to watch or take the bus, etc, etc. However, that was okay back then. But this is now. And now says that I can't do that anymore.

Which brings me to my point. What are people with disabilities supposed to do in America? Our society is not set up to the point that we can make it completely on our own and if we're not about to die, then they're not about to help. I had to almost sell my soul to get an SSI check two years ago, and they didn't want to hand that out. Now I'm looking at turning 21 with no earthly clue how to drive a car. I have not the faintest idea. And on top of that, even if I did shuck out the 7,000 dollars required for me just to take the lessons, when I bought a car, I'd have to pay another 4,000 to get it modified (at a cheap dealer mind you) and then my car insurance would be triple the rate of everyone else's because as the law in NC says, "people who are more of a risk on the road have to pay more." aka teenagers, the elderly and the disabled.

However I could continue to put it off but then I'd have no clue what to do. It is and I repeat IMPOSSIBLE to live a life in America fully without a car. You must have a vehicle to drive to and from work everyday or even just to enjoy leisure. I do not want to have to wait for my friends to come and get me, and I certainly don't want to wait for a bus that might not even be accessible. It is completely and utterly out of hand that I have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to learn how to drive when everyone else gets it for free! And even when I do take the class the teacher's not even fucking qualified!

You know....that makes me madder than anything else that I know. The fact that this life is completely unfair. Everything about it is so wrong, and people honestly have no clue. There needs to be a revolution. Someone needs to DO SOMETHING. Because there are probably millions of people out there who are in the same situation as I am. Like how in the hell am I supposed to get a job? Normally one is required to submit a resume of sorts when you graduate from high school/college so you can show the employers what you know and what you've done. But how the HELL are we supposed to show something to them when you have nothing to show? It's for that reason that I don't have any employment opportunities. I don't have a reason resume to fill out because I can't say that I've truly worked for anyone else before. Not for lack of trying either, most of the time I hear: "You can't perform the duties required of this position," or "our working space isn't large enough to accommodate people in your situation." And for them to say that at a cinema is clearly and incredibly ridiculous. And the other thing I want to point out is that not everyone that's in a wheelchair or immobilized is over 60! I get so sick and tired of these commercials advertising for mobile chairs and shit and all they do is show older people who need the help and support for the chairs. I know that the target demographic is age 60+ but that doesn't mean that they can't use other people since all you're doing is showing how you can regain mobility! So I don't know what to do. I don't know what George Bush wants us to do. I'm seriously considering writing a long and lengthy letter to the head of Congress in my state because they have got to do something about this.

People cannot be expected to live like this! This isn't living life you can't go anywhere! The freedom of living is the freedom to travel where you please and how you please. The purpose is the traveling, but if you're unable to do that then you are stuck in a position that's not even your own doing! I mean without a job we can't pay for an apartment because quite frankly SSI isn't enough on it's own to cover for anything more than food. Nowhere near enough for an apartment. And of course without food, you die. So all roads inevitably lead to death, which I refuse to accept.

Maybe its better it's better to take Pope's advice. To never expect that the government is ever gonna do something to help, so that way when it never happens you can't say you're surprised.

"Blessed Is He That Expects Nothing. For He Will Never Be Disappointed." -Alexander Pope.