I Found It.

just out of searching, I have found the one Cd that I must have above all others. I've just gotta put the email address here so I can find it again. This is for all you trance heads out there!

http://perfectbeat.com/product_info.php?products_id=827912002119

BOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!

Okay, okay, okay. I've been trying to sort this shit out for the last three days cause they've been so insane it's ridiculous. So much so, that I didn't go to any of my three classes on Friday, cause I needed a damn break. First off on Thursday, we had a friend go to the doctor, and return less than favorable. So we helped as much as we could, and we watched as she returned back to her original state. But just yesterday, so had a supposed relapse, and it was much worse than the first time, but I'm wondering about how truthful that was. Unforetunately, she's burning her bridges out really bad, cause she's going to really need our help, and by that time, we're going to be so busted that we're not going to want to hear it. She's already worn three of us thin, and I'm afraid for what could happen in the possible future if something bad happens. Unforetunately, I've watched as the three of them are completely turned off by her antics, and their tired of the game already. It's really sad...



Add to this the problems with the other girls and you've a nuclear bomb in the making. Why exactly one girl thinks that she can ruin the lives of eight other people because she's not getting what she wants, is completely beyond me. I'm just waiting for the right moment when the one girl feels that she's have enough and stands up to this other chick and stops playing with everyone. It's really getting old really quick. And this girl is ruining everyone's mood, and instantly everyone gets on edge when she walks in the room. And it should never be that way. It's really sad that everyone feels that they need to bow down to this girl so that she feels accepted...



Throw in the mix that I ran into my bane of existance during the first instance, and it makes matters worse. He was only there to try and faciliate the doctor personae, and when he realized that he couldn't he tried to leave all of us alone. When my friend realized what he was doing, she forced him to stay with us. But the entire time, I was thinking "What are you doing here? You know you don't care! You don't care about anyone, remember?" And earlier in the week the one friend came to me telling me to strike up a conversation with him, because he had been happy to see me, and I told her he could rot in the burning coals of Hell for all I cared. In truth, that's not true, but it sure sounded good at the time. And isn't always that way? You reserve your deepest hatred for the people not who did the simple small shit that you don't care about, cause their peons. They don't matter. You might be pissed at them, but that's about as far as it goes. No. You reserve that soul searing internal organ boiling hatred for the people who did the foulest shit to you. Thankfully I only have two of those people on my list. And it would be narrowed down to zero if they would simply apologize and admit their wrong doing. But if they refuse, as do I. All I'm saying is that they better hope I never become a hired assassin, and see their name on my list, cause I'd do the job without being paid. Just for the pure joy and satisfaction. That'd be it.

Alright Things Look Good for the Moment....I Suppose...

I have to say that I feel immensely better than yesterday. It seems the counter to every particular issue always happens to come at the time when it is most needed. Take for example, I lost my MP3 player way last week sometime, and out of the blue one of the RA's of the building randomly returns it to me. I don't know why exactly, but according to her she had it for some time and didn't know why anyone didn't claim it. I'm not sure why got it, but I'm glad I got it back.

And now for other things, now that I've had a chance to sleep and think about the events from yesterday I'm starting to take that article to heart, and I've noticed that this particular person has a lot more interesting things surrounding them than what was thought at original face value. Including a plethra of health issues, and committment issues, as he revealed certain things out of his history, I realized that in truth it might not be in my best intrest to get involved with this kind of person. It's not to say that I'd just leave him alone altogether, and I'd definately love to at least explore with this person, I realized that people are a lot less complicated than what they originally intended to be. I'm thinking that for someone of my caliber, I'd have to have someone who would take me years to figure out. Someone who after I'd spent all this time with them, I still couldn't sum them up. Someone that just absolutely could not be summed up in a single sentence. And half the guys that I want to get involved with are quite frankly just too simple for my tastes. But that doesn't mean that they aren't cute. Not at all. But of course, one wonders about the origins of the people that come from. You'd be absolutely surprised to find that some of the most haughty people come from simplified origins. And they simply act that way to shadow up their own pathetic existance. But I'm not calling anyone out, I'm simply saying it as an all around statement.

In other news, I got back my 2nd midterm today, and hooray for me I managed to squeeze out yet another A. I sincerely hope that I manage to get an A out of that class, cause lord knows I've worked my ass off for it. And something else I've realize, is it healthy whenever the very mention or sight of the back of someone's head ignites an unconquerable, all-encompassing rage? Perhaps not. But then, perhaps. It is the reason why I don't speak to nearly as many people nowadays, which gets me off the hook. And my Xbox broke, for some odd reason. Whatever the issue, I'm through with it anyway. I'm gonna stay a PS2/3 person from now on probably because their stuff is just too faulty for me. Though it's kinda hard to believe. I never even got to finish Jade Empire! Dammit! :(

Oh the Irony...It Just Never Stops Coming....

It is approximately 2:40 am and I'm thinking that it was something oh so much later. And I have just finished sitting in someone's room for the last four hours trying to help him with a paper. And of course, temptation reined in the room at all hours of the night, but of course, the last thing I would have wanted to do was ruin what a great thing I had going/have going. I sat there and went through a paper sentence by sentence restructing the entire thing until he had something that was at least a whole lot better than what he had at the moment. I'm sure that Dr. Meyer is going to be wondering what happened to the last paper he turned in and this new one. But anyway between people running and out of the shower to barefoot sensations, the room was a veritable melting pot of sin for the entire night. And oddly enough, right before I went to see him upstairs, I had watched a documentary on Queer As Folk on VH1, which made some very interesting points, and which made me want to buy the show on DVD. So when I look online for the prices, I'll come back to let you know. But I keep thinking if my parents will let me keep it. And I've come to the realization that since it is my money, I will spend it the way that I properly see fit, and that there is nothing else to it.

Ohhh No...It's Happening Again...

Oh man, I hate this. This is that semi-anually disease something in between anger, envy and pity that always ends up engulfing me at the wrong time. I absolutely can't stand it. I just spent the last two hours upstairs talking and listening to a story that would make Lifetime cringe. And of course, it was just so so perfect. And it ends oh so perfectly. And then to complicate matters, the bad part was in the caf, so it made everything so much worse than usual. Then to see someone so damn happy it's more than I take! I'm saying! Right about now, I'd be tempted to put in names into these blogs, but I just realized today that more people read this blog than what I had orginally anticipated, but it's alright. I'm through hiding. I was gonna put half of this stuff in the diary section where only I can access it, but there's really no point. If it's on the Internet, it can be accessed.

I'm so through listening to other people's relationship issues. Why is it that they think that they can just dump it on me when I don't really want to hear to begin with? Do they not realize all crap that I have to deal with in my own life? Apparently they either don't care, or they really want to press their impulses on you regardless. Whatever the reason, it matters not to me. I am absolutely through hearing about this person who had problems with this person because they slept with this person and now they want them back, or someone who loves someone else who refuses to admit it. Or someone who refuses to fall in love with anyone because they remained locked at all times. I am not a garbage can. I am a human being, I have to process all the thoughts and emotions that other people put on me and it makes it so much harder when I can't focus on what I'm doing till the point where I get lost in their shit. I tell you, I'm tired of this. I'm through hearing about this other person who has the perfect relationship in another state by they are fucked over by the fact that they can't be with their lover. I admire the fact and the lengths that someone will go for someone else, but it makes it much harder when I have to think about this at the end of the day. At the end of the night, I have to deal with the fact that everyone has unloaded on me, and their clear and free to do whatever it is that they want, and me, I can't do home to think straight without across someone else's thoughts. Can't I be free to have my own thoughts one of these days?

Some people think that I'm heartless and cruel while others think I'd sacrifice myself for the world. In truth, I'm more of the latter than the former. In all truth, there are a few people on this earth that I would distinct and utter pleasure watching bleed in the middle of the street. Granted, they are few and far inbetween, but in truth, I would relish watching them struggle in pain, and I wish at times that I could reflect the damage that they do at me back at them. If they had any inkling of what I'd do to them, then it would probably keep them from talking to me at all. Which, I guess is a good thing cause it keeps me from dealing with their problems. Which is always a good thing.

This Is Divine Intervention

I found this article directly as soon as I finished typing that last blog! Perhaps something is telling me something.


Somebody to love
Charles Purdy
Dear Social Grace,

I'm a 24-year-old man with a college education and a good career, and I volunteer for a nonprofit organization.

My problem is dating: I don't. My friends and family say that I am much too picky when it comes to dating. I think that I have every right to be picky, and I refuse to settle for anything less than I know I deserve. My basic requirements are that a guy have a job, a car and no emotional baggage. I also search the profiles because choice of words, personal revelations and the content of the profile are important factors when I'm deciding if I should drop a line to someone. If the guy can't be grammatically correct, obviously a conversation with him would be a nightmare.

As I get older, this window of opportunity shrinks. Am I being too picky when it comes to dating? Am I asking too much?

Thanks!

Hopelessly Waiting

Dear Hopeless Sir,

First, a word to the wise: Never bitchily criticize others' grammar. When you do, you're almost certain to commit an egregious grammatical error in the very next sentence you write. The Grammar Goddess has a wicked sense of humor (I say this with worshipful reverence, Oh Mighty One). I've taken the liberty of removing a few minor grammar blunders from your letter, so do keep in mind that a person's ability to construct a well-ordered sentence is not always linked to his intelligence. Writing is a skill -- like playing the piano or repairing a car; it's not always an accurate measure of a person's IQ. Dear Social Grace,

I'm a 24-year-old man with a college education and a good career, and I volunteer for a nonprofit organization.

My problem is dating: I don't. My friends and family say that I am much too picky when it comes to dating. I think that I have every right to be picky, and I refuse to settle for anything less than I know I deserve. My basic requirements are that a guy have a job, a car and no emotional baggage. I also search the profiles because choice of words, personal revelations and the content of the profile are important factors when I'm deciding if I should drop a line to someone. If the guy can't be grammatically correct, obviously a conversation with him would be a nightmare.

As I get older, this window of opportunity shrinks. Am I being too picky when it comes to dating? Am I asking too much?

Thanks!

Hopelessly Waiting

Dear Hopeless Sir,

First, a word to the wise: Never bitchily criticize others' grammar. When you do, you're almost certain to commit an egregious grammatical error in the very next sentence you write. The Grammar Goddess has a wicked sense of humor (I say this with worshipful reverence, Oh Mighty One). I've taken the liberty of removing a few minor grammar blunders from your letter, so do keep in mind that a person's ability to construct a well-ordered sentence is not always linked to his intelligence. Writing is a skill -- like playing the piano or repairing a car; it's not always an accurate measure of a person's IQ.

That said, however, if you want to date only the sort of fellow who knows his subjunctive case from a subordinate clause, you have every right to hold out for him. Only you can know whether you're "too picky." Here's the question you have to ask yourself: "Is sticking to my standards more important to me than finding someone to snuggle with on a regular basis?" And there's no wrong answer. Some people have found true love by crossing a few items off of their "must have" lists. And some people have found that they're much happier alone than with someone who doesn't meet several very specific criteria.

Anyway, there is more to life than having a boyfriend. If you think that having a boyfriend will solve any of the problems in your life, you're not only wrong but also unprepared for a serious relationship. Find a way to be happy on your own; otherwise, you're going to be miserable (and make the other person miserable) when you're in a relationship. (Does all of this sound familiar? It should. I've just summarized a great many dating-advice/self-help books.)

Finally, complaining about a shrinking "window of opportunity" at the ripe old age of 24 will make many, many people want to slap you -- so let's put an end to that, too. Sure, as time goes on, you'll lose your power to enchant people who prize youth. But 10, 20 or 30 years from now, you should, if all goes well, be a wiser person than you are now. This wisdom will only make you better prepared for love.

It's Father's Day...Of Course...

Okay, so today was pretty ordinary, it was pretty chill by comparison. But there was a few spots worth mentioning. First off, I got to the bottom of why a friend of mine wouldn't say why she wouldn't do virgins. It turns out that she feels that virginity is ultra-special to her and that unless she really likes you, she wouldn't break it so that you're not introduced to the sex-drug she calls it. In truth, I can see why she says that, because I've heard that once guys are introduced to sex in general they just lose their minds completely and crave after it all the time. But I retorted to her that if all the girls in the world felt the same way, then no guys would ever end up getting laid. But unfortunately, we get people who are on both edns of the sexual spectrum, and you have those girls who refuse to break virginity, and then the other ones who like Samatha off Sex and the City who spends her life looking for virgins to break. And the problem comes in when you find one who is like Samatha, you often do enjoy the sex so much that it is the beginning of an unstoppable sex craze. And then that's when the problems start for real.

On another note, I finally told off someone today for her recent actions that she's been piling up against the people in the lab. She needed to be brought down a few pegs, and I had to do the job cause it was getting out of hand. And even though I didn't mean to, I had to tell her. She started to cry, but I had to let her know. I told her that she had four areas that she had to fix in order to straighten up. A) she was too straight-forward, and she had a serious problem talking down to people. I told her that she had a major problem with her tongue and that she had to tone it down a few notches. The second problem, B) she takes everyone's responsiblity upon her own shoulders and in reality it's really none of her business. I told her that she needs to keep her business strictly to herself. C) She opens her mouth far too quick and says things before she realizes the consequences. I told her that she needs to know the difference between talking and saying something rude that might potentially hurt someone's feelings. D) She cannot continue to demean our school (UNCP) and then talk about how great her own school is. I told her that she has no right to talk about how bad our school is when she doesn't go here herself. And after I got finished telling her off, we left as she explained that everywhere she goes, people continuing saying the same thing. Which tells me that this a potential problem that she continues to have. But...it's not my problem.

Immediately there after we were in the caf eating, and I was explaining to the rest of the group about what went on, and we noticed that she was coming up the walkway, and then we unanamously decided that it was time to disppear. And that, was that. And of course, I had to call my dad and let me know what was up.

And the Plot Thickens...

It seems to me that I really do generate drama like a nuclear reactor for absolutely no reason. I mean half the time that it happens, I'm never expecting it and then it just hits me straight in the face for no reason whatsoever. I decided to just blow my shit straight open and joined Gay.com today and did some looking around, and ran across quite a few interesting people. Including two potential friends. One here at Pembroke, and the other in Lumberton. I'm only posting this blog so I can remember to email him tomorrow at mbp003@uncp.edu and possibly meet up with him. However I think it would be interesting to see the look on his face when I tell him who I really am. Cause people here at this school know me without officially knowing me. But I suppose he'll be finding out soon enough. And then, more drama when something happened later that changed the direction from one to the other. For some reason, it just happens. Maybe. Perhaps, I don't know.

When the Unexpected Happens to You...

Well now. Isn't it just befitting that stuff would happen to me really out the blue? I mean, when I'm trying to work and do my thing and unforetunately, everything always get thrown out of order, and then it only gets worse as time goes on. Take for example, today. I'm just minding my business and going to my classes and whatnot. It was my intention to just run up in the caf and leave, you know in and out. But unforetunately, when I got in there trying to be as focused as possible, I see this face from behind the spice rack, but I don't pay no attention to it. Next thing I know, this entity appears to me (he he he no names) and of course, it's the current object of my affection at the moment. I was totally blown away of course, but I wouldn't ever say anything to that to him. So we strike up a conversation and we're getting to a good and deep part, when all of a sudden my ex from last summer appears out of nowhere and hugs on me like everything was supposed to be fine. Isn't that some shit? I had assumed that she had graduated over in May and that I wouldn't ever see her again. But there she was all over again in her fantasic glory. I think that you can really see the potential in a certain person if you think a person is gone, and then when you see them again, your hearts stops as it always had in the past.

The Anatomy of a Kiss...

Let's see...I'm sitting here now thinking, that if I had my choice to describe, what would I call the perfect kiss? Well if I were with someone in particular, and we were in my room, it'd probably start real slow, like me leaning over and kissing ever so slowly, lightly, starting with the eyes, the eyelids, and working my way down slowly, feeling my lips brush the edge of his nose, down to the bridge of his mouth, but never touching the lips. working around, I'd start kissing the neck, the sides, and I'd kiss his earlobes slowly, nibble just a bit to hear him moan just a little bit, and keep kissing, going to the neck, slowly, kissing down slowly, feeling my hands go underneath his shirt. The sweat is pouring now, making his shirt stick to his body, and it only makes us more excited, as I slide my fingers underneath, my fingertips gliding over top, as I pull the shirt off slowly, and keep kissing, letting my lips touch his skin, as I go down and kiss his nipples as they harden to the touch. Adding my tongue, I feel him shiver slowly, and I smile feeling the rection, as move down and start licking, feeling my tongue slide over him, as I move downward, sliding my fingers downward under the belt buckle, I can feel him resist, pulling my hand back, but I fight him, and slide down, feeling it pulse in my reach. Rubbing slowly, I feel him get harder, and harder. As I work my way back up, and start kissing again, but this time, our lips connect, as I plunge my tongue deep into his mouth, sliding my tongue over his teeth, and over his tongue, tasting the sweetness of another's saliva. Meanwhile, my hand is sliding back and forth in his jeans, and he's trying desperately to squirm out of my grasp. I can feel my fingers getting slippery, wet, moist and it's making me happy. It means I'm doing my job. But as his body arches under mine, and convulsions happen out of control, I feel as though I've only done what a good friend would have done, right?

The Complete Opposite

Apparently today is just a day of serious drama in different opposites. How is it possible to harbor so much anger in someone? The kind of anger that whenever you think about it gives you heartburn that no amount of Pepsid AC or Pepto Bismol will cure. The kind of anger that makes you unable to see straight. Makes your vision waver in and out like heat waves licking up the air off the pavement. I was thinking that at times I really wish that people would be able to get the point of what I was thinking before I actually say anything. Just thinking about it now makes my blood pressure go through the roof. I can feel my heart speeding up rapidly, and feel the blood pulsing through my brain. It makes my fingers more aware, my senses more acute and makes my overall demeanor into something other than what it is. There are very few times when I allow anger to interfere into what I'm doing. There are times when you have to allow yourself to cap the anger off into one particular area to keep from exploding in another. But the kind of anger that would melt the screens off these crappy computers. The kind of anger that would scorch the carpet, and crack the glass in the surrounding area. And you would set someone on fire and watch them in a sadistic display of honor, watching as their eyes pop, and their skin flake off piece by piece. And for what? Simply to know that they're feeling what you're feeling. Sometimes, I just wish I could inflict a pain like that on people's mental capacity. It's times like these when I wish I really was an Energy Vampire. You know, the kind that can absorb people's emotions and turn them back on themselves. The kind of people that can make someone want you so bad that it hurts inside. You can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe. And you'd watch them as they suffered slowly and think about it with immense relish. Damn it, why the fuck is he drinking Diet Coke? As if he wasn't supposedly perfect already! Dammit! this SHIT DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE! I mean, why the fuck would someone sit there and be oblivious to the fact that they think they are God? Don't you already have enough followers? Don't you realize there are people who would stab themselves and bleed at your command? Fuck it. I really, really hope that he gets whats coming to him. I hope that years from now he really gets whats comnig to him. I hope that when he gets married that he realizes that his wife is a whore, and as much as he is, and that she doesn't want anything to do with any part of him. I hope that he runs out of friends, and out of family and that they move back to where they were going and they leave him behind to persue his perfect career with his medical stability. I hope that he runs out of everything, and everyone, and when all is over, I hope that he finds out the lowest of the low. I hope he realizes that when he was on top and everything was going so well and when he had everything, that it was only as good as the looks and the brains. God forbid that he get a viral skin eating disease, or something around the same platform. I hope that his kids, (I hope he never has any, he'd make a horrible father) realize what a fuck up he is and how much they hate him. And in the end of all of this, when his world is completely shattered, and everything around him has died, and everyone has left, and all is darkness and gone, I hope that he....comes back to me.

An Idle Mind is the Devil's Playground pt. 2

Man...I dont' know what else to say but man! This shit don't make no sense. There are just some things that one shouldn't think about. There are things that are incredibly dangerous that can cause serious problems to one's mental and physical health if they are approached. I have seen more problems (the sexual like) on this campus over the summer than any in any particular school semester. Take for instance in this one particular room, (ya'll who know, know.) I could get into serious trouble if I continue to think and dwell upon this dwelling. There's a particular person in there that though I see them everyday (and though the name is tempting, I refuse to subject myself or anyone to that kind of torture) it's just soo hard to keep from saying a nice word. It's a person that when you look at them, your eyes start hurting because they're just that beautiful. And it's not they're neccessarily model-esque status, cause they're not, but something about them just attracts them involuntarily to you. I know, I know. This is the same kind of shit that got me in trouble with that motherfucker Patrick, but still, I'm thinking that maybe I'll never learn. But I know now that I took things there too fast last time, and because of it, everything fell apart even when I didn't want it to. But you know, it's soo difficult to not say something to someone when you really want to. And the thoughts that you have about this person, oooohhhh if they knew, you'd probably be arrested. Things that you said you'd never do that you want to do so bad, and even if it goes against your morale code, you'd try it with this person just because they're that type to make you wanna explore. My God, it doesn't make sense! Wouldn't life just be soo much easier, if you could explain things to people without having to hide? If you could just walk up to them and be like, "Hey you know? I have something I have to tell you. I am really really attracted to you. And though I know you're not probably on the same link as me, I just thought I should let you know. Please don't hate me for eternity for feeling the way I do." And then the sad part is, you don't say anything to them, the summer ends, and they vanish, and then you find out from someone else that they are gay, straight or bi, and you wanna shoot yourself in the face because you never asked them anything of the subject because you're too chicken shit to do anything about it. But you know what? I'm just saying, even if you didn't have to say anything, you'd rather leave things the way they are because secretly you like the way that it makes you feel. You like the way your heart jumps when you see them, the way your stomach does Dominique Dawes jumping flips when they turn to look at you. You love it when you blush (even if they can't see it) when they acknowledge you exist. And you love the way they look at you with that hunger, such an intense hunger that makes you wanna throw them on the cafeteria table and strip off clothes right then and there in front of everyone. And in my mind I could see the rain, caught in a thunderstorm on the way back to campus from a party in the Courtyard or something, and hiding under a buidling or something, and then it starts as talking, just innocently, and then I get bold and tell them, and they stare back at me, melting my insides to liquid mush, and they talk back slowly at first, unsure of how to continue. And then as the conversation moves slower, they sit down on your lap and the conversation gets slower, until without realizing it we are close to one another only an inch away as the make-out begins, slowly and more intimate and then you feel their hands pressing inside of your shirt, sliding fingers down over your skin, burning hot, and you return the favor, putting the breaks on, and sliding your hands over their back going underneath the shirt feeling ever slowly around the waist sliding your hands down...as you undo the belt buckle, and slide the jeans off...okay and on that note, I'm gonna stop. Dammit! What is this guy doing to me?

...too much...

Okay here it is Thursday, and in the last two days I have potentially got a job opening, realized the scandalous nature of McDonald's, stared down like eight guys and tried to go on a date with this chick named TJ. Oh yeah add to that turned in yet another paper and took a midterm, and you can see why I've been keeping on the low pretty much over the last few days. I'm sitting here wondering how is it possible that you can look at someone and just totally lust after them and they not know? Why can't symptoms be soo much more obvious? I keep looking around here just thinking to myself that it's so wrong. The human mind is a tortous device. Dammit! I hate this. I hate the fact that you can never be really direct with people. You can never tell them precisely what you feel, because YOU don't even KNOW how you feel. It's so wrong.

In British Literature we discussed about how virgins, (both male and female) were considered the highest form closest to God in the old days. God, how far we have fallen. Nowadays, if you're a virgin, you're considered pathetic and weak and of the fallen lineage, not of the holy one. The holy people are those who give the best blow job, can ride the best dick and so on. And those who haven't quite achieve the level of the divine porn star status can still be considered among the ranks of the elite because they're working their way up the chain.

Those who are so impartial to the idea of intimacy, don't realize what a gift they have been granted. There are so many things worse than they realize. Just to touch someone, to hold them is something that some people would die for. Yet it's thrown so freely here. America. The land of whores both male, female and transvestite.

I Guess I'll Die Another Day....It's Not My Time to Go

Well it has occured to me that yet another day has flown past. I think it's funny how when you think of something that's so far away, it seems like it will take forever to reach you, and you feel as though nothing is going to happen until you get there. Take for example when I first arrived in college, that was nearly two years ago now, and look where I am now, and I'm thinking that time really is moving too fast. I'm another year older, and I'm currently growing older as I type, and it just makes me think that perhaps we really don't know what we have going for us. I was just outside talking with a good teacher/friend of mine who informed me that she thought it was crazy to declare two major/minors at this school at one time. I told her that the big break was the fact that I'd have two pieces of paper on my wall instead of one, and she simply looked and smiled.

I know that in the back of her mind she was thinking that I'm all talk, and that's what many college students say when their own their way to creating what kind of life they want to live. But in my opinion, why is it so hard for others to accept something that you want to do? What if, in the farthest stretch of the imagination, that I'd actually chose to get my two degrees? Would it be that hard to concieve? Surely not, because plenty others before me have done what I am trying to do and succeeded at it. But then why is it so hard for people to grasp the concept of what I'm trying to do? What if...follow me on this, what if people actually worked for what they wanted and it came true? What if there wasn't all of this polictical and economical shit in the way and what we wanted we worked for and got, and that was the end of it? I grow weary of the concept that what you want will only remain that way, until something supernatural comes to replace it. I'm thinking in terms of a new time. The time of now. But now anyway, before I completely disappear into a starving rant, I got one of my papers back in Brit Lit today.

And got a hundred to my surprise and delight. It's just the first step towards a long and tedious time frame, ending in the A that I want in that course. Jessica is supposed to be coming tonight, so I wonder if I'll get to see her before she vanishes again. And the best part about this is, I get paid tomorrow. Of course, all my money is going to disappear before I'm able to see it, but still it's a lovely thought just the same.

Later.