A Bolt of Lightning

Finally some good news! Thank God! Truly. I have no choice but to thank him sincerely and utterly because it just came out the blue. And no, it's not a job offer, though I do believe that's coming in due time. I'm saying this because it had gotten to the point where I literally had to go to my parents' house to beg them for the money to make rent for August (and how I HATE to do that) because I just can't deal with TeamTech anymore and I still have to make it to September before the Disability stuff kicks in.

And actually I don't think that was mentioned. So yeah back in February I lose my job and try to get back on SSI but can't because they tell me they have to do a disability redetermination or whatever the hell that is, because of my work history and all that, basically to see if I'm still "disabled enough" to receieve benefits. Well I think this is the stupid thing ever because obviously my disability is lifelong (unless they start working on those stem cells with a quickness.) So yeah they've been trying to decide what to do. About three weeks ago I get a letter saying that they've decided to let me come back on the system and that my payments will start in September for my disability. So that's where that comes from.

So I've just been trying to make it through to Septembe to make sure I have everything I need and with our lease ending then as well, we've got to decide on the next phase. So yeah. Basically with no money coming in, I wasn't sure what to do and I went to mom and them asking them for advice and for help. Turns out, God had something different in mind. Apparently, like the lady has told me before, I qualify for both SSI and SSDI income and disability but I never had the first one because I had no work history and hadn't paid into it. Now I have so now I can have both. Well out of the blue SSI came through and put a cute 600 into my account yesterday. Which is literally right in the nick of time. Now I can pay for August rent, and be perfectly good to go, which will be great. And it makes my life so much easier, because now I can just focus on looking for work and not being so damned stressed all the time, and not having to put up with the horribleness that was telemarketing. I appreciate the little money they gave me but god, it's not worth it.

More on that in the next blog.

Here Comes The Sun....

And no, I'm not talking about that ancient 70's music song, but for some reason that's just been stuck in my head the last few days ever since I've been making the comparison between seventies horror flicks and the modern ones (ie, "The Last House on the Left.) I just watched the remade version of "I Spit on Your Grave" and good lord was it brutal. But it was really good. But enough of that. I didn't come here to talk about movies right now.

So...I've got a new job that starts tomorrow. Yay!!!!.....right? Um yeah. I guess. Last week was really interesting because I was sending out resumes and stuff as usual and I decided to go in and see this company called Vector because they asked me to come down that day for an interview. So I have Shon drop me off at 1:30 because he has to go to work. So I'm waiting around in their lobby for two hours until my interview at 3:30 and during the two hours, I'm hearing people on the phone and their calling up a billion people saying they didn't come in for training or that they didn't go and make their sales, or someone's grandmother saying that this person isn't interested and or anything. I knew pretty much then that it was gonna be shit. But I decided to stick around anyway because you never know what can happen.

I was thinking well obviously with my being in a chair and sitting here and everyone can see me, and whatnot, then if I can't do the door-to-door thing then maybe they'll have something else in mind that I can do. But....no. Sure enough I go in for the interview, and bam she tells me that it's not gonna work with me being in the chair and all and so I leave looking and feeling stupid and talked to the secretary for a few minutes and she said she would be on the lookout for some phone work or something.

So after hanging out with Qasim and Katryna for the afternoon (which is always fun) I go home and prepare to possbly go to another open interview the following day near downtown Raleigh. I get up and I'm like, "ehhh...I don't know, yesterday was a complete bust. " But whatever. Get dressed, get down there and discover the following:

The job is working with a diabetes company that gets senior citizens to switch their current plans over to ours, and we get a percentage for everyone that switches. They don't pay for anything (Medicare does) and so I'm thinking not half bad. And she offers the job to everyone in the room, which is great. Soooo this is what I'm supposed to be doing starting tomorrow. But I'm more than slightly nervous. Me being on th phone has never been....easy, though once I start, it's very easy to continue, I just gotta start the right way. Granted I've gotten a billion times better since I was in college, cause I couldn't hardly answer the phone back then, and I think it will be slightly easier because they don't really do incoming calls, we just do outgoing which is easier for me.

But I'm not in a position to be fucking up. Rent is due in two weeks and I've gotta be able to do this job fairly well in order to make it meet. Technically if I do this job for a month then I'm looking at hopefully anywhere from 1800 to 2500 in the month, which would be great. But we shall see. So I'm gonna spend tonight studying the words and packet to know what to say, and I will update you tomorrow evening with the results of what's gonna happen.

The Moon is in Aquaris

Whatever the hell that means. lol. So after the last post, there's a lot of things changing super fast, and I'm quite sure I'm ready for everything that will happen within the next three weeks. So let's see. I applied for a job from Craigslist at this IT firm RainKing, then got an email to do a test, then got a phonecall for said test and scheduled an interview the following week.

On the way to said interview, I get another email from the executive director for NCIL (the National Council on Independent Living) saying they want me to come in for an interview to be an analyst.

So I went to the interview, which I found fairly easily (I love DC metro for that) and it went really, really well I think. If all goes, as planned, they claim they will let me know of a decision in two weeks and if I'm offered a position, I will move there and start life over yet again but in a good way. So there's that.

And now I'm trying to figure out what to do about Stephen as after talking with Katyrna and Qasim, I'm not sure of the motivation. I know that relationships are hard. I get that. But if you're not even willing to put in the effort IN THE BEGINNING what makes me think I'll get anything if we start? It's just confusing. But I know what thing. When June comes, I shall have answers to it all.

In the Total Eclipse

I haven't been able to bring myself to touch this in a while because the eclipse is still going on. As I said before, getting fired from my job really did a number on me and my psyche, and I'm still trying to process this and it's three months later. Ridiculous, right? Well thus is life I suppose. I've had some interesting things happen since though. Um....I got in a huge argument with my parents over the whole being gay thing yet again and afterward, I told them that I'm never going to church with them ever again, that was pretty big.

It felt so weird saying that too. I mean I grew up in church. I think the majority of my memories from childhood are being in the church because I guess if you're black and not in the ghetto that that's where you go. I don't know. I know that I spent a large part of my time there, and it makes me feel like it was to no avail. I think I agree with the MSN report that said that forcing religion on to children has no place because it doesn't change whether or not your child is going to end up as Mother Theresa or as Dexter.

But I told them I wasn't going and right on the outskirts of Easter. So it was weird when my brother (always the ever-dutiful one) got up and went and I chose to sit here and stare at the sunshine. And it was fine. There was no lightning bolts, no wrath of Hell, just peace and quiet.

So in other news, still no work, though I've been putting in applications left and right like a mad person. I'm just hoping something pans out quickly. Who knows how all of this will end up. I don't know. I'm just trying to think about it one day at a time. And it's really disconcerting how the whole concept of going to school is supposed to help you to be a better person and to get you the job you deserve, but that doesn't look like it would be the right thing. Who knows.

I've started seeing a lot of old friends these days, went to hang out with AJ of all people a few days ago, and I had to reaccess myself when he called me a few weeks ago. That situation is....complicated. I mean I think it's really interesting how people can just act like nothing was wrong for years and years go back to talking about you, when just the sight of their face makes you want to punch them on the spot. And I know I'm guilty of this. I wanted to knock AJ out for years after that mess with the Iraqi conflict. I hated myself for it, I wrote poetry and short stories about it, and it made my life miserable that the the fact that a person who you know for 13 years can just up and throw your friendship away on some bullshit. But he called me and I didn't have time to go into it, and I didn't feel like it. Will I ever tell him? I don't know. Maybe never is the right time. Maybe he never has to know. But it's just awkward being in his prescence again. Speaking of awkward, while there, I found out that John Smith, our old friend was convicted of child molestation or something and is now serving time in Virginia. Ugh. You think you know someone and...you don't.

The Eclipse part one

So what constitutes an eclipse then? A moment of total darkness followed by a sliver of light moving it's way across the sky? If that's an appropriate way of looking at it, I suppose this week would very easily fit into that mold as I lost my job at Alliance on Friday afternoon. How did this happen might you ask? Have I ever been fired from a position before? Well...no...and I can honestly say having it happen for the first time sucks ass. It's like someone has just hit you upside the head with an emotional sledgehamer and you totally didn't see it coming. I know I was blindsighted like hell.

Basically I went in like I usually do, met Sierra at Southeast, how fitting in that since it was the last time I was going to go, that I'd have to take the bus all the way over and find my way around for the first and last time. I should also mention that when I went there, I was dropped off by the bus some three blocks away from the actual school down the street and it was downhill as well which also sucked. So I found my way having to roll uphill heaving and grinding against the street (Sierra claims that she was trying to get her camera phone out so she could tape the spectacle of watching me climb like a wheelchair athlete) and I get almost to the top when this car stops and this woman gets out and asks me if I need assistance. Before I can properly reply she comes over and starts pushing me up the last block and fine, yes it was nice to have her assistance though it wasn't neccessary. When I finally get to the top, I thanked her and her husband was asking me my name. His name, I found out was Mayo. And he told me that he had some wheelchairs at home that he might let me have. Granted this was two days ago, and I haven't heard from him at all, but I think I might give him a buzz tomorrow and see what, if anything he's come up.

So anyway, we do class as usual, and when we get to the office it was business as usual on a typical Friday afternoon. Let me back up a moment.

I was out for the majority of last week because I actually caught strep throat from Jay of all people (who I knew I shouldn't been kissing on but whatever) and so I was out of work for the week. I get a random email from Cindy Lewis, who is the director of Programs at MIUSA (yeah remember them?) telling me they have this new position Exchange Program Coordinator position open and that she's thinking of me for it and wants to know if I'm interested. Well obviously I'm interested but I'm working for Rene. So I convey this in an email to her the next day and I'm trying to find out what, if anything I can do. So when I ask her when it has to be filled the next day, she says as soon as possible. So I'm trying to figure out what the hell to do when on Friday I send her my resume and make mention of my situation in it.

She emails me back and says they will review the info and will let me know their decision by next week.