....So Now What?

Yeah. I'm just upset right now. Just in general. I feel like there's so many other things I could be doing like working, making money living and not going further in debt trying to pay off this or borrow money for that, it's just ridiculous. Hence the convo I had with mom last night.


[11/1/2009 6:41:23 PM] Darryl Neal: How do you feel son?
[11/1/2009 6:41:36 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean I don't know really. I mean I thought about it
[11/1/2009 6:41:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and it really is the same as coming back
[11/1/2009 6:41:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as I'd have to do the same thing either way
[11/1/2009 6:41:48 PM] D'Arcee Neal: when I'm done
[11/1/2009 6:41:56 PM] Darryl Neal: do you like it there? Can you see yourself staying?
[11/1/2009 6:41:58 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and again, I'd have to look at what city I like
[11/1/2009 6:42:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean...I guess. It's like DC. I can get around, go places and all of that. So I mean transportation's wayyy better than say NC
[11/1/2009 6:42:51 PM] D'Arcee Neal: the cost of living is outrageous though.
[11/1/2009 6:42:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at least, that's what I hear.
[11/1/2009 6:43:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they say London's the most expensive city in Europe
[11/1/2009 6:43:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and one of the most in the world
[11/1/2009 6:43:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Well, that's what this is all about. Finding yourself, and finding out what you like.
[11/1/2009 6:44:46 PM] Darryl Neal: You have to investigate whether you want to be there, how affordable it is for you, can you find the right job to afford you to live there, and so on and so on.....
[11/1/2009 6:45:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I'd also have to do back in NC
[11/1/2009 6:45:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was telling dad
[11/1/2009 6:45:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: that I was looking on Facebook
[11/1/2009 6:45:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I felt kinda bad because
[11/1/2009 6:45:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I can see a lot of friends I had in high school or college
[11/1/2009 6:45:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they've graduated and they're actually working
[11/1/2009 6:45:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: whereas all I have to my credit is schooling and a bunch of internships. there's nothing really permanent
[11/1/2009 6:46:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and so I'm like, everyone's talking about doing this or moving there for this job, and I'm like, what am I going to do? just keep bouncing around?
[11/1/2009 6:47:34 PM] Darryl Neal: BABY come on, how many of them are getting their Masters and PHD, don't you dare short change yourself. We are so proud of you D'Arcee, don't you realize what this means for you?
[11/1/2009 6:47:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I know.
[11/1/2009 6:48:02 PM] Darryl Neal: You can come back here, or go anywhere and WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET...
[11/1/2009 6:48:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I guess, I don't like the open-endness of this.
[11/1/2009 6:48:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I don't know what I'm supposed to do when this is done
[11/1/2009 6:48:22 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I can't just up and say, oh I'm going to stay
[11/1/2009 6:48:25 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at the end of this
[11/1/2009 6:48:30 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'd have to start that in like February
[11/1/2009 6:49:11 PM] Darryl Neal: Then start it, even if you don't stay, at least have the option open to you to stay if it works out for you, and that is what you choose.
[11/1/2009 6:49:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 6:49:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean that's what I was thinking at least
[11/1/2009 6:49:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: but dad was saying
[11/1/2009 6:49:41 PM] D'Arcee Neal: in order to have a work visa you have to actually have work
[11/1/2009 6:49:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: or you get kicked out
[11/1/2009 6:49:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so I guess I'll be looking for all of that.
[11/1/2009 6:49:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: starting early next year
[11/1/2009 6:50:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as far as the PhD goes,
[11/1/2009 6:50:34 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll do it if I can, but it all depends on whether or not CFNC is going to just give me the same amount twice. I figure they might, since I'm already here and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:50:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as the school offers it but then again,
[11/1/2009 6:51:02 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I told dad these classes are crazy. and apparently
[11/1/2009 6:51:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: unlike undergrad you only get one chance to pass
[11/1/2009 6:51:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well one chance in a year. so hence why I'm asking him all these crazy questions and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:51:40 PM] Darryl Neal: But, I want you to know that now is not the time to get depressed or feel dejected about your choices. Know that you're doing the right thing. By going back and finishing what SO many people wish they could do, you are setting a HUGH example for many of your friends, and definitely for your brother.
[11/1/2009 6:51:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I asked Matt about that the other day.
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I assume everything is going okay with ya'll? with no one in the house at all?
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lo
[11/1/2009 6:52:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so-called "Empty Nest Syndrome?"
[11/1/2009 6:52:24 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I don't think they wrote applying it to you.
[11/1/2009 6:52:41 PM] Darryl Neal: OH, we're adjusting....LOL
[11/1/2009 6:52:45 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:52:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure.
[11/1/2009 6:52:58 PM] Darryl Neal: Shon and I was talking about you the other day
[11/1/2009 6:53:17 PM] Darryl Neal: He is so, so , so proud of his big brother.
[11/1/2009 6:53:35 PM] Darryl Neal: Whether you realize it or not, you are such a hero for him.
[11/1/2009 6:53:53 PM] Darryl Neal: He talks about his big brother to people all the time.
[11/1/2009 6:54:06 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol. I know you do. I saw that at the mall.
[11/1/2009 6:54:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: LOL
[11/1/2009 6:54:11 PM] Darryl Neal: He's telling people about you, and your accomplishments..
[11/1/2009 6:54:12 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was like, "do I know you people?"
[11/1/2009 6:54:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they were like, "no, but we know you!"
[11/1/2009 6:54:45 PM] Darryl Neal: and he just told me the other day, I want to do something with my life like D'Arcee did
[11/1/2009 6:55:00 PM] Darryl Neal: I want to go back to school and get my degree like my brother...
[11/1/2009 6:55:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean I think our paths are different.
[11/1/2009 6:55:34 PM] Darryl Neal: I told him, good he should because it's going to take that to get ahead in this world.
[11/1/2009 6:55:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure his credit is better than mine and he doesn't have $60,000 to pay back
[11/1/2009 6:55:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and whatnot.
[11/1/2009 6:56:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Believe me, you are in the best possible position you could hope to be in baby. Hang in there, it will get better. You're just feeling a little lonely right now, and missing your friends.
[11/1/2009 6:57:37 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I mean you know hearing about Big Jon and Matt and Efrain,
[11/1/2009 6:57:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and how even though they're not going for a Master's.
[11/1/2009 6:57:53 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they've all got good jobs
[11/1/2009 6:57:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and nice places
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] Darryl Neal: But your friends will be even more happier to be your friend when they can introduce you as Dr. D'Arcee Charington Neal, and so will your parents. WE love you man, and we're already so, so proud of you.
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they're off being you know, productive American citizens
[11/1/2009 6:58:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I just feel like I have to play catch up 10x more when I get done
[11/1/2009 6:58:38 PM] Darryl Neal: No you don't, that
[11/1/2009 6:58:55 PM] Darryl Neal: that's the beauty of a PhD....!!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: ....I guess. I just gotta get through this Master's first!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:59:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: did dad tell you why i need to email Cousin Angie?
[11/1/2009 7:00:13 PM] Darryl Neal: They're going to have to play catch up to you, don't you know that? You'll come out making a hundred grand, they'll be working making only 50......
[11/1/2009 7:00:44 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean we talked about that in class the other day
[11/1/2009 7:00:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: about how people are viewing advanced degrees only for the money
[11/1/2009 7:01:01 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and not for what they represent
[11/1/2009 7:01:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and for a lot of teachers, it's completely the wrong reason
[11/1/2009 7:03:05 PM] Darryl Neal: That's not what I meant, I'm saying it from the reality that it's more respected wherever you go, your opinion means so much more when it comes from a Doctor opposed to someone else. You know that. And of course the money doesn't hurt....! Yeah, Dad mentioned you're writing a paper, and need to get some info from a cop's perspective.
[11/1/2009 7:04:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 7:04:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I guess I should just start scoping around then.
[11/1/2009 7:04:55 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I wish I could talk to Aunt Dyann. ask how Chicago is
[11/1/2009 7:04:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as a city
[11/1/2009 7:06:47 PM] Darryl Neal: yes babe, you'll be fine. Aunt Dyann doesn't have a computer, but I could ask her questions for you if you email them to me, then when we skype i could give you that info..
[11/1/2009 7:07:09 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah. doesn't she stay with you guys though?
[11/1/2009 7:07:58 PM] Darryl Neal: no not yet, not until next year in april.
[11/1/2009 7:08:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: oh I thought she was there.
[11/1/2009 7:08:21 PM] Darryl Neal: nope
[11/1/2009 7:09:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I see. okay. well I'm going to go and cook something for dinner.
[11/1/2009 7:09:14 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll talk to you guys soon.
[11/1/2009 7:09:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: hope you like the Mariah stuff!
[11/1/2009 7:09:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: don't forget to click it!
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] Darryl Neal: ok baby, promise me you'll hang in there, OK We love you.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: otherwise it won't download.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 7:10:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I'll keep working.
[11/1/2009 7:10:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: love you tool.
[11/1/2009 7:10:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: *too.
[11/1/2009 7:10:17 PM] Darryl Neal: OK


I don't know. It just feels like everything's always about catching up. you don't ever seem to be on top of anything. Which is not what I came here to do. Not when I could be climbing the ranks somewhere going up in my life instead of sitting here. *sigh* I don't know.

I'm Going Down Like London, London, London??

So let's see here. It's been like a week and a half since I got here and I will quickly try and describe both the bad and the good of what has gone down, as there's been plenty of both.

I hung out with my parents the night beforehand which was kinda nice as I barely got to see them while I was there. They've opened up a new business there in the mall in Morrisville which looks really cool but that mall is kinda scary. There's like no business. Which is odd being that it's right next to the airport, but whatever. Mom and them must know what they're doing, so yeah that was fun. We got up on Tuesday and we all went to Perkins and had breakfast, and then they took me over to the airport where I got rushed onto the plane at like literally the last minute and had to throw my wonderful blue comforter away (I'll miss you comforter!) because it was taking the scales over and I would've had to pay $150.00. So yeah got rushed onto the plane, and realized as I flew away that my father left the wheels for my manual on the other wheelchair frame in the car, so yes as of now I have a manual wheelchair frame but no wheels. Quite annoying.

But anyway, on the plane over to London, sat next to this lovely elderly lady and we talked about everything including her love for (dare I say it) black pudding, an her friend's revulsion to it. lol. So that was fun. Then I got here and the drama started right away. I didn't even get an hour to get used to it. As when I got off the plane, the people in the airport couldn't figure out how to release my chair straps, and they wanted to cut them off, which I didn't want. So yeah that took like 30 minutes of nothing, and then I got to th top of the terminal and couldn't find any representatives from the school so the airport had to make an announcement and put me on the spot, but I finally found them, and we got going.

I met some new people including Natalie, who's been my godsend through this thus far. She's another person in the Creative Writing program (her stuff is like whoa) and she's also from North Carolina-Queen's city!-so that was really cool and we hit it off like right away. I got to the school and discovered just how cold London can really be from the Carolinas, as it was an immediate 55 off the plane I wa it.s frickin' freezing. Our guide from the airport, Mark (who's actually kinda hot in a retro Beatles kinda way) was really nice, and I got moved into my room with relatively little fanfare (unlike the situation that was Ludwigsburg, Germany). So yeah but then the problems began again.

Apparently, like in other parts of Europe, people in wheelchairs are eitiher A) elderly or B) not in sight, so like they have laws that forbid people from riding the buses or public transportation if we use scooters and whatnot. Case in point, I do. So at this moment, I'm kinda stuck as to how to get over this, as buses are the primary mode of transportation for this part of the world followed by of course, the freakin' Underground. So yeah, that's a major problem. But with the school and all, everything is progressing albeit rather slowly and classes officially start Tuesday for me. So that will be interesting. I'm laughing at some of these choices on our reading list like Steven King's "The Long Walk" which was actually pretty good. A group of boys who volunteer to walk in this race where everytime you fall below 4mph, you're killed and the last person standing gets The Prize, which is whatever you want for the rest of your life. So yeah it was weird, but good. Now I'm reading E. Anne Proulx's "The Shipping News," which is also interesting about some nobody kind of guy who up and decides to relocate his life to Newfoundland, after his whole life goes wrong in all sorts of ways.

Have I covered the basics? Oh wait not quite. The men. So yeah the people here, not so sure that's going to work, whereas in Germany I had an absolute blast with the international team, this time's a bit different as there's like this wall behind us (the people who've done this "school" thing before) and them (those thare like oh so psyched to be starting it for the first time. I suppose I can't begrudge them their chance at happiness but damn! do you have to be so damn drunk all the time? I mean in America even WE have limits as skewed as they are. But anyway, lot of guys trying to holler, don't want to them all but there's Graham, a hot 45 year old who just wants to get off on my feet, Sven, 27 from Germany who just suddenly disappeared off the earth after supposedly to meet me here at the University (didn't happen), and the one I'm most excited for, Sean, 23 who just graduated from Kingston University down the street here and spent a semster at UNC-Charlotte. So I'm getting my Brit who already knows a bit about the Carolinas! Score! But I haven't met Sean yet. We're planning on getting together Monday night. That should be fun I think.

So more updates in the future including, how after a year and a half of not getting sick in DC, I move to London and get violently ill in the first week, as well as the infamous "squash" ordeal. Later!

*whisper* Seven Days....

Yeah it's kinda getting like the Ring, it's that scary. So yeah I have less than a week to go now before the biggest thing I've ever attempted in my life comes to full fruition and I'm ready to just get it the fuck over with now. All this prepping, all the stress, heartache and worrying over finances, acceptances, plan B's, and all of that, I'm ready for it to finish and die.

I went with my brother today (who on a side note is doing much better now, he is a manager of a cafe, and has his car and his license--though his driving scares the crap out of me, stalling every few minutes--and his own apartment, when he moved in with Anime Matt) and we went shopping over at Plato's Closet in Crossroads. It was bittersweet for me to be in there again, since I've always come back to them every year or so, whenever I was in the area because I know that they'll always have something I like. And for those of you who don't know, Plato's Closet is a secondhand twenty-somethings clothing store, kinda like a hip thrift shop without the hobos. So yeah I went in their for what feels like the last time today and I copped a few sweaters and a couple jackets and a book or two for good measure. I'm certainly going to miss that place. I mean where else can you get a $300.00 Angora wool jacket, a DKNY fleece jacket, a $40.00 pair of jeans, three sweaters a belt and two books for $97.00? Priceless, I tell you!

I decided to come back home, after pulling money out to give back to Matt after he let me borrow $100.00 this past weekend when I went with Efrain back to Robeson County (ehhhh daddday!) for his mom's third wedding to Mr. Bill. That was really nice, and the wedding was simple yet elegant, (Efrain's sister Ballina looked SOOOO amazing in that red dress and that make-up!!! oh my God!) and it was really nice. I had a good time and the food was good, as was the fellowship. We managed to sneak in a few hours in Pembroke as well, and that was good. I got to hang out with Tracy and Marcus for awhile, which is always good for a laugh. We drank mango vodka and just talked and it was nice. I managed to get to church last weekend with mom and it was interesting to be sitting back in that place after being gone from it for awhile. The guy that was preaching was literally just like grandpa which I wasn't feeling but his message was good, I suppose. Speaking of which, we went to see them as well after church and that was actually a good trip. We went to Golden Corral and hung out eating and laughing at our crazy grandma who demanded that the waitress (who's only real job is to make sure we're good and clean the table of dishes) get her some hot pieces of chicken from the bar. Hilarious!


So for London, that has been interesting. Everything is completely finished. I have my plane ticket, my room, the people picking me up, and my loans have arrived and are waiting on me to get there. So yeah that's all done. I receieved a packet about the program the other day and it was really interesting to read. I guess now things are getting serious, as I was only catching about half of what the man was trying to say when I was reading the once-over from the Program Lead, but I'm hoping I'll catch more of it once I know what's going on for sure. I do know one thing though, the school has a very nice system worked out online for many things but they need to do some immediate improvement in that area! If you're going to offer enrollment online don't wait until people are about to show up before you fix it! (I've already signed up for classes but with a week to go before I'm scheduled to arrive, they still haven't been confirmed. Not a good look!) And I also went and bought a bunch of textbooks via online tonight, and that was interesting as well. I don't know if they're all going to get here in time (I hope so) but I guess now I'm really a student as some of that stuff is so over the top but I'm still going to try to pour into it and get something really deep and meaningful out of it, even if it's just to put something down for a thesis. lol.

So yeah the last week going into the last week has been really good. I've gotten to see a lot of people and eat at the places I like (Zeno's and Kabuki will always be the best!), see a wedding and hang out with old friends from Pembroke. Play videogames and go shopping. Pretty well-rounded, wouldn't you say?

And at the End of the Night....You Almost Get Caught Having Sex.

Okay so that wasn't the actual way I was going to title this, but I figured it was so appropriate I couldn't help myself. Yes, as ya'll know I'm going to London in two weeks. But first I've got to finish out this Scherrone/D.C. mess first. So yeah. I've got 2 days of work left including today and my parents are coming to get me Saturday and take me home, which will be nice. So while I'm in the process of packing I start talking to this guy Juan Carlos, who owns a landscaping company. And of course, the next thing you know he ends up over here eating ice cream with me and we're talking. Then we head to the room and I'm chatting and one thing leads to next, I'm on the carpet with him wrapped around me. So yeah everything's fine until I hear Scherrone come in at like 11:30! And we're right in the middle! So yeah that was narrow but we escaped.

It's Official. It's Time for London, London, London (I'm Going Down Like!)

Yay. So I'm extremely happy to report that I know have my approved and stamped passport back in my hands after a week of extreme craziness and that I have been granted a full student visa to the UK to start September 1st and go all the way to January 31st 2011. So there's nothing left now outside of getting my room straight in the UK. I found out it was approved on Monday but they sent to the wrong address wayyy back in Temple Hills (of course.) So rather waiting for it to bounce around in the mail and get lost and the whole nine, I decided to make my way over to my apartment yesteray morning where I waited for the UPS man for 2.5 hours hoping to intercept him, which I did. So that was worth it I suppose. Now is the hard part. The waiting.

And Slowly I Approach the Cliff and Prepare to JUMP.

Okay ladies and gentlemen. This is it. The moment you've all been waiting for, or maybe not you all, but I know I have. I will know as of Tuesday where my life will be going for the next year (or at least have some semblance of cognition) and unfortunately it's not as clear-cut as I would like. The good news is, I did get to go to Costa Rica and that was really awesome and I'm glad I went. I spent two weeks there away from the ridiculousness that is Washington DC and it was kind of theraputic. Only to return and find that the things that are going on now are some of the most stressful of my life. First, I find that Roehampton University (the school in London) has certified my loans but not to my lender for whatever reason, so they're three weeks behind in getting my information out like they should, coupled with the realization that I had my biometrics appointment on two Wednesdays ago and everything must be on the Consulate's desk by this coming Wednesday. So in a week and a half, I have sent like a hundred emails to London and to NC trying to figure out how to right this momentous wrong.

The result? Things were finished and I had everything certified and I went and got my passport photos and had my original transcripts sent to the office where they should be waiting on me Monday morning. However: on the last day of certification this past week, the man that's doing my case Mr. Keith Williams (really nice guy) told me he would push my grad PLUS application through even though I was denied on credit because I was working on it. On Thursday, I got an email saying everything was mailed off and certified but on my way out the door, I look online and what do I see?

Grad PLUS: denied. That's not good. That's not good at all because if it is denied then EVERYTHING I've done for the last year in preparation for this trip will be for nothing. London has everything ready for me. My room, my classes, the plane ticket, the greeting, the teachers everything. And here I am at the edge of the greatest point in my life, only to possibly have it snatched away because I don't get that loan, I can't possibly go. What they gave me alone isn't enough to cover what London is going to want. So....we will have to wait until tomorrow. I think maybe the computer is saying that while Keith himself pushed it through and the computer just hasn't caught up with the realization. That's happened before in the last two weeks, just not like this. So yeah I'm gonna be blowing up his phone EARLY tomorrow morning to find out just what he did. And I hope to God I just being paranoid.

So I'm practically done packing up my apartment. All the furniture is gone, thrown away :( and the pots, and pans and everything is gone. So now I'm waiting for MetroAccess to come and take me over to Scherrone's so I can move my stuff there, finish with this last month and be gone. On a side note, turns out for some reason I didn't have the time to cover my Costa Rica trip so as a result, my check is getting halved tomorrow, but you know what? Whatever. They can do what they have to do so long as they pay me and move on. I don't have time to deal with it, as I have so many other things going on, it's irrelevent. Just another link in the chain, so to speak. So I will have to update you guys when I find out my fate.

Ciao.

So There's 1 Marcus, Another Marcus, a Third Marcus, yet ANOTHER Marcus, and Jevon.

Hmmm where to start? I'm feeling in a fairly reflexive mood right now so I figured I'd just go back over some old stuff and mix in in the with the new. I'm remembering about the first Marcus when I was in New York with my cousin Dale. Mmmm he was really pretty and a really awesome dancer, and he was sooo not stuck up about it which made him even sexier! (Huh, I wonder what he's doing nowadays, as I truly have no clue. Last I heard like two years ago, he was involved with that International Tour of Tarzan, but I figure he's moved on from that). He was really great, and the things he was saying to me made me feel like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct!!!! :) Ahhhh Marcus #1.

#2: Was the Pembroke Marcus I met with Tracy that one evening, and he's really cool. I used to think his hair was so iconic, and I was so jealous of the fact he had it and didn't even know it! He used to kill me saying that he didn't know how he got his hair it just grew out that way and I'm like, "some people have to pay hundreds of dollars to get it to look like that!" I was so jealous. He's a good guy though. I know that he and Tracy must've been together for like, a year now. I'm expecting that BABY BUMP sometime in the future, especially with the way the were carrying on the last time I was down in the Broke....lol. Ahhhh Marcus #2. You are missed.

#3: This one is a little more recent. He was a co-worker in my VETS office where I work, (I may have mentioned him a time or two before because he used to freak me the hell out!) and he was very strange. Everyone in the office practically agrees with me. Even though I started working for VETS back in October, I didn't actually have a full on conversation with Marcus until like March. And even then, it was right after Dawn's baby shower, where he was like, "Cake? I don't do...cake" And it was very odd. He used to scare the crap out of me because when he looked at you it was like, he wanted to completely devour you on the spot. I'm talking like Violator-Spawn type of swallowing. No removal of clothes, no time to think about it, just unhinge the jaw and swallow. Yeah. That crazy. I was with Keisha the other day (and I'll have to do a seperate post on THAT issue) and we were laughing about how crazy Marcuse was because she was like, being in a relationship with Marcus was like being married to the mob, and once you got in, there was NO WAY out. But I brought him up because even though he scared the bejesus out of me, he is simultaneously my hero. He came back to the office after coming back from Iowa (I mean, really Iowa! Who's there?) and basically told us all that he quit. He. Was. Done. He was like, "I got enough money for the rest of my life, to never have to work again, and I'm going to spend the next fifty years doing whatever the hell I want from now on. So peace out." Basically. I was freakin' awesome. I'm like, "can you teach me what YOU know? I wanna say that to MY boss!"

#4: This is the most recent Marcus to have showed up. He's the new guy coming in after....Keisha's....."replacement".....and he's pretty cool. Totally whitebread, slathered with Mayonnaise. Notice how I didn't say Miracle Whip cause that implies that you have some kind of soul in you (I'm sure he has a soul, I just meant, "soul") and this kid is practically devoid. At least from what I can see. He's a 24 year old federal contractor (I mean who does that with their life? Like, was that his ambition?) and tall as hell. Good lord. But he's pretty cool. I don't have much to say about this as of yet.

and finally,

Jevon. This dude came to my house last night after I had been talking with him over on the computer for awhile and I must make a confession. While he and I share the same passion for feet, I don't really get into black dudes like that mostly because I'm not all that comfortable with them. So I didn't really invite him sooner because I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to even do anything with him, but yesterday I was ridiculously horny and I didn't have anyone else to call, so I said, "what the hell," and invited him and he came. There's a good and bad side to this. Good: 1. He actually was kinda cute. 35, light skin, with a bald head and a mustache (that's a negative) and he had beautiful feet. Truly. 2. He was actually pretty cool. He had a good demeanor and he seemed like a chill dude. Which leads me to the...Bad: 1. He seemed like he was only into barefeet. There was a particular REASON I had asked him to come in his New Balances and the white socks with grey heels. Did I get to even touch them? No. He just came over and was like, yeah so let me get naked. 2. That's literally all he came to do. Get Naked. I don't play that game. I never have. It's not my style to have a guy come to my house, bust a nut, then leave. I'm not a free whore. Nor is my house a discount brothel. So yeah I didn't like that part. I don't think I'll be inviting him back either. Even though he was cool.

I Have Few Options, So...Now It's Up to God.

So the unthinkable has finally occured. I lost my SSI. Due in part to taxes filed from April in conjunction with the fact that the government has scaled back on resources, I'm no longer receiving the nice cushiony check that helped out so much from school.....oh Lord, now what? It would've been really nice if this would've lasted until at least August, as then I could be preparing for other things but as things are, that hasn't happened. And makes me sad because I can see a large crack appearing in my plans to head to London in the Fall, because now, I don't even have the check to depend on monthly...(maybe. A thought occured to me because the woman on the phone told me that while I'm in London I wouldn't receieve the money, but...if they know I plan on going here, then that problem would be solved....so perhaps I'll play the system.) But now things are going to get even crazier because now without the monthly check that means I'm relying solely on my income and things are going to be stretched farther than they are now.

However. Lisa told me that God wouldn't have given me this chance to go to school in another country if I wasn't meant to go. I have to hold on to the belief that it is meant for me to go to England and to get this degree, regardless of the kind of obstacles that get in the way. That will have to be the one thing that I hold on to, in the belief that if I have to, I'll take another loan to pay for the plane ticket that will get me to Europe while I'm trying to get everything situated. It's just that it seems like everytime things look like they're going to be alright, something comes along and destroys that image, and it makes me wonder what I'm going to do next. I mean, it's like a $200 Sprint bill here, $300 Costa Rica bill coupled with a $60 hotel stay, somehow a $500 loan has to be repaid, I need another $220 for a student visa, and close to $400 for a plane ticket to London, all while dealing with the last two months of rent (plus a month where I don't know where I'm going) but it's looking like subletting may be the best way to go, now I just gotta tap into the networks of the people I already know.

I just have to believe. And so I will keep believing that this IS what I'm supposed to be doing. That I AM supposed to live my life, and travel to Costa Rica, and return to move to England, and that all of my bills will be paid out and finished on time. I have no choice. This is the decision that I make, and so I this is me stepping out on complete faith though I haven't seen the end of this mess, and I know not how it's going to end, but I do know that every single time (and I do mean EVERY) single time it looks like it might be really, really bad, something happens to pull me out and everything works out just fine in the end. So I am praying for strength and guidance in the name of Jesus and already knowing that he will work all of this out for my good.

Amen.

Right Before My Eyes....

I saw something very interesting today at lunch. I was just hanging out with Keisha like we usually do on Friday afternoons, eating in Burger King (mmmm Triple Whopper with cheese) and I'm just minding my business when this guy comes in. Totally unassuming, he just goes up to the counter, orders his food and starts back towards the door. Nobody's thinking of anything, as he walks past this lady who has her back turned to him standing up talking to the next table, with her phone on the table beside her food. In one quick motion before anyone could do anything, he just reached out, snatched her phone, and disappeared out the front door really before anyone could move. Then suddenly like four guys jumped up and tried to chase the guy but he was long gone down the street before they could do anything about it, and the woman just stood there with her hand on her head looking utterly distraught.

Now about this: A) that's bold. REAL bold. The fact that the District courthouse is like two blocks away plus we're surrounded by police everywhere, it's insane. B) It was a public place. Like really, really public. He must've planned that heist real quick to figure out how to move away without being caught by like all of the 50 people in the place.

So yeah that was that. The next one, I won't dwell over just mention it andmove on. It started like the usual, I invited this woman to come over and do my hair after talking with her on MetroAccess and she came over did my hair and I paid her $45.00 and she left at like 11. She calls back at 12:30 saying her car is towed and she's stuck in Temple Hills and she needs more money ($45.00) blah, blah. I gave her $60.00. She hasn't returned any phone calls and it's been a week. What a ripoff. I can only hope that me trying to be nice to her repays itself in some weird way.

Still working towards Costa Rica, gotta pay them the $300.00 Monday for the rest of the trip. But that's pretty much done. And now I'm just starting the activities to begin the closing of my time here in DC.

Went to hang out with Mr. Pete last night. That was...fun, I guess. I really could've stayed home but I wanted to support him. And he tried terrible last night to start making out with me and whatnot. I stopped that. HARD. I was like, "I don't get into making out with friends. If I kiss you it's a greeting and nothing more. We're not together. I don't want to get into that with you. You know this. And you should be aware of it." He didn't like that very much. But I don't give a damn. He knew how I felt from our first meeting when I chilled with him in Union Station. He's far too old for me, and our lifestyles don't really match. I don't really get into workholics anymore, not after that idiot VJ. So yeah, I went for pizza and conversation (with coincendentally, he left to go get the pizza and I'm flipping through the channels looking for HBO. I find it, and what are they doing on there? Giving demonstrations for the proper technique of ANAL SEX! I was like....what in the hell? It was so random, and I was like, "of all the freakin' time I don't want to look at something about sex--wasn't trying to give Pete no damn ideas--it comes on anyway.) and left after a few hours.

So the next big news. My parents bought a new house. Well, technically it's not a house they bought. They purchased a townhouse in Regency Hills over there in Cary (which is ironically the place that my mom wanted to end up anyway with the supposed "castle." So that was all good. But with that, they're serious about selling the Morrisville house (I love that house!) and she claims they're going to force Shon to get a room somewhere in the area and leave him on his own--which I don't know if I truly believe that. Speaking of which, he claims he's been studying for the new SAT II which debuts next Saturday, June 6th (granted it was the first time I'd ever heard of him saying such things) but this point, he knows what he needs to do. If he doesn't do it, I'm not going to.

Till later.

DRC.

And Now We Take a Loop on the Rollercoaster of Life!

Okay, so like I said I'm going to try and keep this up as continually as I can, since things are getting more and more interesting as the days go by. I had some very ugly moments last week and things seem now to be on a big upswing, which is even better. So let's see. Where to start.

Shon: This is by far becoming the biggest problem at the current moment. In an interesting conversation, I called Mom (the day after Mother's Day mind you since she didn't answer her phone) and we had a long conversation in which she divulged to me that they're are going to sell the Rapidan Court house due to a decline in the housing market and appreciation value, which totally makes sense. She is saying that they haven't decided completely where they want to move as of yet but they don't plan on having the house too much longer than than the summertime. Which means...Shon may not have a plan to go when he leaves my house. Coupled with this, mom wants to send him to Pembroke (or any 4 year university actually) but we found out rather dishearteningly that he's never even taken the SAT or the ACT in high school, so until he does, he can't apply for a 4 year university. Which puts his situation from bad to worse. And I've told him that in the next three months, he'd have to:

*Get the materials for the test
*Study REALLY hard
*Pass the test well
*Apply to UNC-Pembroke
*Get accepted
*Apply for housing
*Apply for financial aid

And generally be ready to go when August rolls around so he can go to school and do something. But....I don't see that happening. I can already see that he's going to drag around and not do what he's supposed to (I mean I told him all this information like a week ago and the SAT test is June 6th), and has he done ANYTHING since then? ....you already know the answer to that one. So you know what I'm gonna do? Not a damn thing. He can make his choice by refusing to do anything, and so as a result, he can like an adult live by those decisions. And the reason why I'm not going to do anything is because....


London is practically FINISHED!!!! The trip is in the bag. Everything has been set and confirmed. I got an email from the school Friday afternoon saying that I actually got accepted for housing (yay!) and that everything on that front is said and done. And I just went and looked into my Grad PLUS loan from CFNC (you know, the bitches that didn't want to give to me the first time and made me get the runaround?) and the loan was APPROVED May 12th and both loans are now awaiting certification from Roehampton. So that means when they certify in July, they're going to get $34,000.00 in my name for school there and after everything has been paid for, I'm going to get the remainder which I'll use to eat off of and live in general. So yeah once July comes around, that will be fantastic and it will be a nice return-home gift from Costa Rica. Speaking of which...


That's progressing nicely. I just paid them the $100.00 deposit and I've sent them a nice thick stack of papers that I filled out for the beginner part of the trip. Now I need to get my passport (which I should have today from my parents) and get the rest of the money for the trip which several members of VETS have graciously given to, as a matter of fact I'm nearly 1/2 way to my goal of $400.00 now. So that should be fine.


I'm not sure what I'm going to do about leaving as of yet, since Shirley the HR supervisor has told me that they can't extend people for less than 30 days and if I do take the extension it pushes me to Aug. 29th and I'd have to find a place to go and get that all set up. I'm thinking what I'm going to do is book a room at a hotel for just a flat month and just live out of that as I'm getting the last few paychecks from this job and that will actually allow me to save quite a bit of money if I do it that way but it's just a matter of getting the extension. One step at a time.


I actually talked to Michael the other day. Rememeber him? Michael from Vanderbuilt, the cute guy that was flirting heavily with me and was going to let me come and visit but then backed out? Yeah....that Michael. He is engaged now. Ugh. So some dude from El Salvador. I didn't handle that situation very well considering that I had just been rejected by Cole the week before. Not a good combination. But I talked to him and remained alive, so that helped.


I ended up hanging out with Chris Dicken yesterday, and I haven't seen him since like September or even longer. It was good to see him and he hasn't changed a bit since the last time we spoke. He's still the same ole Chris which is good. I needed that. We just hung out and chatted and watched Girlfriends and Absolutely Fabulous, neither of which I used to watch but they were pretty funny.


So for now, that's all on the front. We'll have to see what this week brings...

Ow. This Hurts.

Hi darcee, I'm sorry if I ended up hurting your feelings... I just always thought things were understood between us. I'm still in love with joey, regardless of where things end up and I thought I was talking to you as a friend who understood... If I ever made it seem like it was something else, then I'm sorry. I thought you opened up to me as a friend even though I know you did have feelings, I just always thought things were ridiculously impossible, me still being in love with joey, us being on opposite sides of the country... it was never an idea in my head. I am sorry, though.

-Cole.

Ugh. How dare you.

And To Your Right, Ladies and Gentlemen, A Train Wreck in Slow Motion...

And one of those trains is undoubtedly myself, and the other would have to be Cole. This situation is turning out to be completely hopeless. As a matter of fact, it is hopeless. I'm through with this. He says he's done with Joey one minute but pines and whines about how much he needs/wants him. I guess even though he thinks like a 30 year old, he's just 19. Or now, 20 since his birthday was the other day. I knew better than that, true. But I just wanted to see if I could push the envelope just a little. I did. I shoved it, and it felt good. Maybe once I get more practice, I'll get better. But for now, I'm just gonna drop Cole before he decides to make me upset. And Ii'm already getting there. How sad is that?

My Assessment Results...According to a TV Profile.

Perceivers are sensitive to the people around them. People are the priority, not things. They have a "feeling" or a "sixth sense" for who and what a person is. They use these "vibes" to develop an empathy with others and promote harmony. They usually have very cordial greetings. Perceivers are able to combine these perceptions in unique and unexpected ways to generate new ideas.

They are good at matching people with complementary interests to lead to new and innovative business solutions. They know many people and like to communicate with them regularly. Everyone is their friend and they dislike conflict. They work very hard to promote relationships to benefit people regardless of facts or details.

Their exceptional ability to teach assists others in developing their talents and skills. They give generously of their time to help others. They believe so strongly in the good of people that they sometimes can be taken advantage of.

In communicating with others, they use feeling words and look for feedback that validates their self worth. Their conversations are not sequential and precise, but tend to be rambling about several different topics. They do not always complete sentences. They like to tell stories and use lots of words when talking or writing. Their use of words adds richness to their communications.

Perceivers like to see if their ideas can be applied as practical solutions. They will try ideas and solutions but if they cannot be applied for the benefit of others they will drop them. If their ideas work, Perceivers leave the details to others.

Learning is best when they have a total picture of all of the elements and practical applications. They prefer that the information provide an experience that evokes feelings that they can relate to. Humor helps.

They need people in order to maximize their natural gifts. Perceivers are not known to have innovative thoughts when they are alone. When they are with others, the generation of possibilities begins. They rarely think through an idea before presenting it, but rather talk about and develop the idea at the same time. This also inspires others to generate their own ideas. They seek people interaction in work and play.

Hmmm...I guess that's correct. What do you guys think? Oh yeah while I'm thinking about it, I went with Shon yesterday and spent the majority of the day at the theatre (cause I haven't done that in a while, so I figured it was time, with two different movies that I wanted to see.) We went to see The Soloist witih Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. as well as Obsessed with Beyonce and Ali Larter. They were both really good, and I KNOW that Jamie BETTER win an Oscar! He better!

Best. Vacation. Ever. Soon to Come.

See this? This will be where I'm at June 26th!!!!! (I got the MIUSA scholarship to go!)

...And These Are the Days of our Lives.....

Cue the dramatic music as the soap opera starts cause that's what this feels like. So the last few days I've just been trying to get used to my full-time schedule at VETS (it's brutal the 8:30-5:30 schedule, ugh!) but the only thing that keeps me pacified isi that that monthly check is gonna be the shit! After calculating on the computer what the check would be (I hope) I can have the NASA credit card paid off by June, and the Bank of America paid off by July, which would be great considering that I'm probably gonna need the money in London.

Speaking of which, I got the loan approved basically though the school is sayinig that they won't certify the loan until July which makes me wonder how the hell I'm going to convince the Visa office for the UK to let me have the points rating system which talks about this new shit that I don't get. Something about how you have to prove that you have all the money for a year of tuition upfront plus extra money so that way you don't have to depend on a job. I understand the basic premise, since the country needs to keep jobs for their own people, but that's just kinda fucked up. I mean really who's going to keep an extra 7,000 pounds in their account just cause the government says so?

Also, I just found out about something called the Loan Forgiveness Act in regards to student loans in the U.S. Basically it said if work in a low-paying job industry (teaching or whatever,) they will lower your monthly payments to something that's more manageable. And after 25 years of payments, the loan is forgiven. Also, if you accumulate 10 years of public service, the debt you have will also be forgiven. I'll have to find out more about that since I'll be working on 2 years this year alone, so I figure if I work for another 8 and have my debts vanish, that'd be great. Of course, with teaching and all, I'm wondering if I can get the Loan Forgiveness as well...hmm

So the big news of the week: I finally met the infamous Pete Sanders last night. He came into DC to do a photo shoot with Lynda Carter (she's actually the original WONDER WOMAN and apparently, she lives here in Maryland) for an upcoming album she's doing, and we were supposed to get together afterward. Well he was tellingme some story about how the hotel that was supposed to let him stay accidentally booked his room a day later, and the only thing they had was in Arlington and whatnot and he, (being the ultimate New York primmadonna that he is) told them he was leaving and going home. So he stopped by in a cab on the way to Union Station and picked me up and we went there to have a few drinks and talk.

Okay, so let me devote a few words to Mr. Sanders. First off, I don't know what his deal is, but for some reason he was seriously trying to woo me yesterday and quite frankly, I wasn't feeling it. The main reason for this being, he is old. And I don't mean like 40 old either. He looked closer to 55-60ish range and I was kind of uncomfortable being out in this resturant with him touching all up on me and the looks people were giving. He was trying to appear to be sexy and whatnot (with his whole, "I give GOOD massages" lines and practically attacking my leg underneath the table) and I don't think it was working. On the plus side, he is a very nice man and he's very interesting and all of that. He was blowing through cash like it didn't exist (and ended up givinig me $40.00 for a cab which I promptly pocketed and took the Metro home. I mean seriously, did he REALLY think I was going to waste $25.00 on a cab? Shit...I can use that to have a good time this weekend) and he was telling me that he could set me up with tickets to the Broadway shows and whatever I wanted. Saying he'd spoil me in New York and whatnot, which is what he was saying like three years ago. But he sounded as though he was trying to force this idea of Fate bringing us back together, (I would hardly call Facebook, Fate) and all of that since he wanted to be my man and all of this. It was...weird. But I had a good time, regardless of how uncomfortable he was making me. Now I don't know what to do. He's supposed to be coming back in two weeks for something A Metro Weekly cover I think he said. And he's all like, "And you'll just spend the night with me and we'll share the spa..." I'm not sure I want to be in a jacuzzi with this man. Truly. He was talking about the fact that I should just get over the fact that he's like almost 30 years older than me saying things like, "People always talk about they don't like their lovers at first and it takes time to adjust and whatnot..." Um...well the thing is, I'm trying to do ME here and I don't need another person runnign up in it planting themselves in my way. Now if London was over and I had my doctorate, then that's different. And when I was telling him that I may not be coming back from the UK, he was all like, "Ugh! I heard you say that before! I don't like when you say it. Stop saying it." Well sorry Pete, but it's true. I need to find someone like Frank (again-who by the way is coming to DC in a few weeks and I have to work up epic amounts of courage to see him again)

Basically it's like this. It's not that I don't like Pete. But I don't like him. If that makes any sense.

I'm Sorry MySpace...My Apologies.

Okay I'm sorry. I've really been neglecting you lately and I really shouldn't. There's so many things I could put here and it would be good for me because then I go back and read and think about what the hell was wrong with me when I wrote it. lol. Anyway, I'm going to try and be better. Really.

Okay so now thaet we've dispersed with the apologies, I've got a few things to say:

First off, life. Life is...good at the moment. Not great, since I made a stupid mistake and spent way too much money when I went to Las Vegas last weeek, spending way more than I should, but I had a fabulous time and I don't regret that part. But that's later. Right now, I'm still at VETS and will be there until I leave for London (God willing). The craziest thing is I would've been at DOL for a year next month. That's so insane! I've never kept anything like a job for a summer, let alone a year! I could practically become a full-fledged Fed. If it wasn't for this grad school thing, I might seriously consider it, though I would have to move to another agency. DOL isn't really doing it for me. I don't know maybe the FBI or the CIA...maybe...but anyway that's all wishful thinking. I don't really want to be involved with the government on second thought. It's a great bridgeway position for me, especially since everyone else is losing their jobs left and right. I'm just so blessed to be able to be stable enough to pay my bills and to be doing things that are helpful for the veterans in this country at the same time. It's a true blessing and I thank God for looking out for me.

Next, soooo Shon is now staying here with me as of yesterday. Mom says he's going to be here for the rest fo the summer, and I have yet to see how that's going to work. I think that she just finally got tired of having him in her house, and she was looking for a way to get rid of him without just kicking him out completely, so she puts him on me. It's not exactly fair, as I'm trying to get my life together by myself right now, and everything I'm doing will have to be put on hold...but whatever it's done. As a side note, our cat Angel died like two weeks ago from complications of cancer so we don't have a pet anymore... :( It was really random and whatnot but I figured she lived a long and happy life with people who loved her so it's all good. Still sucks though.


Next there's London. So far, everything seems to be going well though it's moving really...really slowly and I'm not referring to time. I've been waiting on them to certify my loan for like two months now, and supposedly everything was approved and all of that, so I'm just waiting for my financial aid letter that tells me so. Though they're taking their good old sweet time sending it out. *sigh* I guess this is what you have to put up with to get what you want. But I did get an email the other day and I officially applied for on-campus housing the other day and I have an aofficial student ID number so I'd say it's pretty official.

Second to last, I'm very pleased to say that two of my co-workers Lisa and Jenel have actually inspired me to start writing my new book (finally) though it has no title as of yet. Though I will say I'm am super excited about the prospect of getting this one done. Jenel showed me some tricks on Friday about how to manipulate the pages and whatnot to get it to look like it would be when its printed out for real, and I have to say I was so thrilled to see my writing looking like real pages, I didn't want to stop. I'm really hoping to have the entire manuscript written and finished by Memorial Day weekend. That'd be great. They're soooo getting a dedication page!

And finally. There's Cole.

Or actually Las Vegas to be more precise. I went there last week for my birthday and it was great. The weather was beautiful, it was like 75 the whole time and it was bright and breezy in the desert. Las Vegas is truly like an adult's playground. Each hotel is like a different theme park with it's own shows and attractions. It was pretty cool. There was so much going on all the time, I was actually exhausted before the trip was done and I couldn't do anymore! But even though that was all in there and stuff, I don't really wanna talk about that. I'd rather talk about Cole. I met Mr. Cole at a strip tease show I went to for my birthday and he was behind me with his boyfriend (?) Joey and their friend Steven. After the show, (which was HAWT as fuck) I was hanging out with them and they chilled with me in the room for awhile. And I also hung out with them the next night too. I will tell you that I've never wanted to steal anyone else's man as much as I wanted Cole. I wanted just grab him in front of Joey and start making out and hear him moan and touch me and I wouldn't give a fuck who was standing there that's how crucial it was! After I left, he was messaging me and we were talking and he was saying he'd wished I did!!!! Grrrr NOW he says this when we're thousands of miles apart. Man I swear. Men have the absolute worse timing! And on top of that, he's not really feeling Joey even though they're the same age (19! I know, I don't date dudes younger than me, but he's totally different. He's like older than me mentally) and so I figure it perfect. But alas, I've got yet to find out how he feels. *sigh*

I Feel Like Sylar From Heroes....

Not because I cut people's heads off and absorb their powers via brain matter (though there are a few people who's heads I'd like to cut), but rather because he always seems to be hearing clocks whenever he starts thinking about something too hard and I can hear my own clock ticking as I start piecing together this London trip. It's like already March (I can't believe that. This time last year I was heading to Hollywood-Wednesday would be a year ago- to go to that audition at FIDM) and I can see things turning very slowly as evidence that something is finally going a certain way. True, I still have many things that I need to work out, like what the hell I gonna do with this furniture before I go, exactly how much aid I'm getting so I can plan accordingly, where I'm gonna stay when i get there, how the hell this gas bill's gonna be taken caer of and things like that, but I can see it all coming to an end.

A part of me is kinda upset in that I don't want to feel this upcoming spirit thing again meaning when I left NC I had this idea in my head about how DC was gonna be so great because it wasn't NC and that it was gonna be bigger, and the guys cuter and nicer and more open, and I'm finding that that isn't the case. I know when I went to Europe, I had a lot more experiences there than usual, so I don't want to base my faith off a semester staying there but at least I have already been there once so I have some inkling of what to expect. The people here are just like people anywhere else and I'm finding it hard to cope with that fact especially in the evenings when everything is quiet. Normally I like quiet. But sometimes, I hate the fact that it's too quiet here. That's why I blast my boombox to give me something to listen to because I don't want to hear the thoughts in my head that tell me I could be something right now. Meeting someone, talking to someone, god forbid making love to someone. So I don't focus on that. Instead just try to think about the other things in life. Like this upcoming London trip.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

It May Be Anti-Internet Time!

February 11, 2009 - Wednesday

It may be anti internet time!
Current mood: calm
Okay there so there's a few things to report I suppose just for the sake of keeping a record. I get my response from Canada and they said no in an interesting twist, but that's cool cause it just pushed my decision towards London anyway, so that's fine though it's a little disappointing as that was where I wanted to go really badly. Hmmm well anyway, things at VETS are fine and I'm just working there doing my thing hoping to get into Interior sometime in the near future since I've already told them I may give that up if they take too long. Interestingly, they have me doing the same kind of project I was doing for ODEPE before I left, and I was telling Greg (one of the guys in there) that if this keeps up I may just start my own contracting company with the feds doing advertising and the like for them.
I went to Angel's get-together this past weekend in PG plaza (for her birthday that was last week) well all met to see "He's Just Not That Into You" and I'll get to that in a minute. I was kinda surprise at the kind of company that she keeps, though I'm never one to criticize the company someone keeps unless they directly offend me. A lot of her friends are wheelchair bound, an the one thing that just makes me feel uncomfortable was just being around them. I'm not used to that kind of thing and even one of the guys (Huey) told me I didn't look like a CP person he'd seen. I guess that'a compliment though I didn't recognize the difference. They just all look really sickly and it makes me feel rather uncomfortable. The one guy Michael, he tried to be in everyone's conversation at once, and if what I've heard is true and he's bi or whatever I sincerely hope I get a man before he does. If not, I'll commit suicide. lol
The movie was pretty good (funny at parts) but it was resonating with me on a different level which is why I'm thinking about going black a few days. It's just ridiculous to come home and get on the computer looking for stuff that you already know isn't there. And I do it everday and it's getting on my nerves. It felt great just getting up and heading out somewhere with no particular agenda. I did it again tonight and picked up some Taco Bell and went and saw "Push" which was pretty hot (mmmm Chris Evans made me hard through random parts of the movie....especially those Chucks he had....mmmm fucking boner!) And maybe later in the week I may head down to Dupont and chill at a bar or something. I've been putting it off and I'm tired of it. We'll have to see.