Okay so here it is. This is my attempt at doing what my teacher wants us to start doing now. She claims that everyday we need to spend at least 30 minutes writing something not matter what it is, so in the future when we need to write something up, we can easily just call on the subject. So I'm gonna start doing that. But I won't post it here because quite frankly I think that the entries would just start getting to be too long. But I'm going to start doing it on today and really devote my time to that because I think it will be pretty important. That's why I admire people like Claire's character on Six Feet Under. She is an artist and most of the time she's very dedicated to her craft. I love how she will sit and stare at paintings for hours just trying to "break open her eye" as she calls it. It allows her to see art in a new kind of way, or something. But I figure I should probably do the same thing. If I am going to be an English major I should probably start to dedicate my energy toward my craft so I know what I'm getting into. That would mean looking at designers familizaring myself with different techniques of clothes, and the cuts, and things like that. But we'll see.
As you can see, I've started writing poetry again, although it's for my poetry class but it's actually very theraputic. I can see why people do it quite frequently. It allows you to say the things you really want to without getting so complicated and confused. And if you want the world to read it, you can and even if they do, the meaning is locked in only for you. So yeah. I think my classes are going to be very beneficial for me this semester in that they're designed to get you indepth on the material and it will really help me out. But we'll see...
Saturday 25 August 2007
Tuesday 21 August 2007
The Execution
Did you hear? Aren't you excited?
I hear there's to be an execution!
I heard from my neighbor who told her cousin
Who whispered to her boss, as she wrote to her daughter
That today is finally the day.
If you ask me, it's about time they put her out.
That thing has been an abomination since we saw her.
Always on the edge,
The edge of town, the edge of her mind.
I think she likes it there.
But who's to say what she likes?
I mean we already know.
Everyone knows. When you turn her way the air is pungeant, sour with lies.
Lies she tells? I don't know. I only know what I hear.
And I hear there's going to be an execution.
Everyone gathers round her house. There's sequins, cotton, laces, and even the silks
Stop long enough to savor the wind.
There she is, helpless cowering leaf folded inward as if to shield herself from the truth.
The truth that she's....she's...my mouth stings with the word.
Tis not lady-like to say that. That's what mother says. If only she could see this.
This...animal. Has she no sense? Who's loyalties has to she to herself?
With this, baby. This, almond colored, mocha latte anomalie.
"White." murmurs the coloreds. What do they know? It is another ink blot.
Years of doing laundry, yet they don't know a stain when they see it?
How can that thought be entertained? The very thought is beyond lunacy. Black, we say. Obviously.
And the execution starts. The laces step forward, spewing lashing tongues, slicing her mind.
The sequins come next throwing heavy accusations that break her will.
The cottons follow then, smothering her breath in moist rumors. She is still.
Unmoving but alive.
Finally the executioner arrives, silk blowing in the breeze. Everyone is silent.
Says she one word, and the village stops.
"Whore." And the blade comes down severing her mind as she crumples below us.
And our connection to her. We move away, the job finished, the destruction complete.
We all agree it is not very lady-like, but what a perfect Sunday afternoon for an execution.
-D'X. 8/20/07
I hear there's to be an execution!
I heard from my neighbor who told her cousin
Who whispered to her boss, as she wrote to her daughter
That today is finally the day.
If you ask me, it's about time they put her out.
That thing has been an abomination since we saw her.
Always on the edge,
The edge of town, the edge of her mind.
I think she likes it there.
But who's to say what she likes?
I mean we already know.
Everyone knows. When you turn her way the air is pungeant, sour with lies.
Lies she tells? I don't know. I only know what I hear.
And I hear there's going to be an execution.
Everyone gathers round her house. There's sequins, cotton, laces, and even the silks
Stop long enough to savor the wind.
There she is, helpless cowering leaf folded inward as if to shield herself from the truth.
The truth that she's....she's...my mouth stings with the word.
Tis not lady-like to say that. That's what mother says. If only she could see this.
This...animal. Has she no sense? Who's loyalties has to she to herself?
With this, baby. This, almond colored, mocha latte anomalie.
"White." murmurs the coloreds. What do they know? It is another ink blot.
Years of doing laundry, yet they don't know a stain when they see it?
How can that thought be entertained? The very thought is beyond lunacy. Black, we say. Obviously.
And the execution starts. The laces step forward, spewing lashing tongues, slicing her mind.
The sequins come next throwing heavy accusations that break her will.
The cottons follow then, smothering her breath in moist rumors. She is still.
Unmoving but alive.
Finally the executioner arrives, silk blowing in the breeze. Everyone is silent.
Says she one word, and the village stops.
"Whore." And the blade comes down severing her mind as she crumples below us.
And our connection to her. We move away, the job finished, the destruction complete.
We all agree it is not very lady-like, but what a perfect Sunday afternoon for an execution.
-D'X. 8/20/07
To Andrew Earring. With the Most "Smile Delicious" I've Ever Seen.
Smile Delicious.
Andrew.
Don't look at me.Please...just
turn your head away
but look
at me. I hate when you
bl ink. But I love the way you.....
See through me. Seemingly to say
something. Anything.
Say it.
I want you to. I need you to say
something.
But your EYES are yelling; I can't look.
They are blind ing with their lights of frosted
emeralds buried
in the glass sand.
Tell me what you want.
Me to- me. Me? Why...I couldn't.
What you're suggesting is so......
Obscene, and I'm not-
Well truth is, you haven't said anything at all.
Only the corners of your mouth solicit the invitation
Turning up as if to say:
Come in?
Damn.
Who knew a smile could be so delicious?
-D'X 8/21/07
Andrew.
Don't look at me.Please...just
turn your head away
but look
at me. I hate when you
bl ink. But I love the way you.....
See through me. Seemingly to say
something. Anything.
Say it.
I want you to. I need you to say
something.
But your EYES are yelling; I can't look.
They are blind ing with their lights of frosted
emeralds buried
in the glass sand.
Tell me what you want.
Me to- me. Me? Why...I couldn't.
What you're suggesting is so......
Obscene, and I'm not-
Well truth is, you haven't said anything at all.
Only the corners of your mouth solicit the invitation
Turning up as if to say:
Come in?
Damn.
Who knew a smile could be so delicious?
-D'X 8/21/07
Sunday 19 August 2007
I'm Gonna Show Every Last One of You Motherfuckers.
Okay so this has been a completely shitty week in the relationship department. Quite frankly I have just about had it with this bullshit that I keep hearing from these fools online. The way it usually works I'll hang out for a while in some cyber lounge and some will message me or something or I'll message them and we'll start up a cute conversation or something like that. And then we'll get to the interesting parts about what we wanna do later and how we wanna do it, and they'll be all gung ho about it and we'll get excited about the prospect of getting together to do something and then because I'm an honest person and that's just the way I am, I'll tell them that I have cerebal palsy and that is normally where the conversation comes to a complete and abrupt halt. And it happens nearly everytime I have a conversation with someone I like. It's happened so often that it's about to make me just give up on the Internet after all. The shit is just annoying! Not to mention it really hurts the ego. And then the nuke hit this morning when I finally got a chance to confront VJ about why he hasn't been making an effort for us to hang out.
Turns out he feels like his work is too important and that his life is too complicated right now for some kind of relationship. To me, that's bullshit. And as I told him, he makes me feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for someone to come and sweep me away and that I have nothing better to do with my life than to wait for some man. That's BULLSHIT! I'm currently working on three degrees here at this damn school (of which I have one already) and I'll be graduating next Spring so it isn't like I have all the time in world like some princess locked in a tower to have some prince just come and rescue me. Secondly he tried to use the trick of: "well my parents and I aren't really getting along with this gay thing," and mine are? FUCK that! God I swear guys can be so stupid! For him to have all those brains and to be so brilliant and intelligent, he has the dumbest responses!!!! But it made me really upset not at the fact that he doesn't want to see me right now, but at the concept that I actually waited for this fool. I gave up god knows how many chances in DC over the summer because I felt like it would've been wrong to do that and head back to NC to someone I thought was waiting like we had agreed to do back in June. So he makes me feel like a dumbass. And yeah I was hurt. I still am. Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like whenever I meet a guy who's nice and sweet and caring and beautiful the only they see about me is my disability, but you know what? I'm gonna fix that. Most definately. It just gives me another reason to sign up for that rehabiliation. And then once I got my shit together, we'll see who's laughing then. When I become a model and a chereographer and a dancer who's designer clothes, killing the runway and dating five and six people simultaneously, I'd like to see their faces then. Cause then I won't have to put up with this bullshit anymore!
God I fucking hate Cerebal Palsy sometimes.
Turns out he feels like his work is too important and that his life is too complicated right now for some kind of relationship. To me, that's bullshit. And as I told him, he makes me feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for someone to come and sweep me away and that I have nothing better to do with my life than to wait for some man. That's BULLSHIT! I'm currently working on three degrees here at this damn school (of which I have one already) and I'll be graduating next Spring so it isn't like I have all the time in world like some princess locked in a tower to have some prince just come and rescue me. Secondly he tried to use the trick of: "well my parents and I aren't really getting along with this gay thing," and mine are? FUCK that! God I swear guys can be so stupid! For him to have all those brains and to be so brilliant and intelligent, he has the dumbest responses!!!! But it made me really upset not at the fact that he doesn't want to see me right now, but at the concept that I actually waited for this fool. I gave up god knows how many chances in DC over the summer because I felt like it would've been wrong to do that and head back to NC to someone I thought was waiting like we had agreed to do back in June. So he makes me feel like a dumbass. And yeah I was hurt. I still am. Quite frankly, I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like whenever I meet a guy who's nice and sweet and caring and beautiful the only they see about me is my disability, but you know what? I'm gonna fix that. Most definately. It just gives me another reason to sign up for that rehabiliation. And then once I got my shit together, we'll see who's laughing then. When I become a model and a chereographer and a dancer who's designer clothes, killing the runway and dating five and six people simultaneously, I'd like to see their faces then. Cause then I won't have to put up with this bullshit anymore!
God I fucking hate Cerebal Palsy sometimes.
Wednesday 15 August 2007
Summer Epilogue Part Two
So this is the other half of my adventures dealing with the summer stuff.
So on Friday I start making preparations to go home and started packing and cleaning up. I decided to go Rush Hour 3 with Angel and it was hilarious. I really really enjoyed that. Then afterwards I packed everything up and had to wait forever for Julia to make her way over the apartment. But we packed up everything in her car, (after she left some stuff behind) and got on the road and stopped at the house to lay down after the 6 hour drive that involved waiting on the road for an hour because some accident had blocked up three lanes of traffic forever. So we left there yesterday afternoon, and I went over got my cash for my apartment and we decided to make our way to Pembroke.
I'm here now in the apartment and in truth, it's actually pretty amazing. It's like a miniature apartment complex the way a regular one would be. I have my own private bathroom connected to a small bedroom setting with a full bed and a desk setting with levels on it. Dressers are attached to the bed and we have a living room followed by a kitchen and bar setting too. Outside is the pool and the entertainment center. So it's full fledged community in a small square. Really nice. And my roommates are too. Surprisingly. There's Jerry who's the total Australian-looking hottie that's constantly walking around half-naked. Don, who's the loud-mouth city boy, but he's the shit. And then there's Brad who's the quieter country boy with the enigmatic personality that I'm drawn to. So yeah they're really nice and I actually think this year is going to be the best I've had yet. Figures the best would be LAST. So is my luck.
So on Friday I start making preparations to go home and started packing and cleaning up. I decided to go Rush Hour 3 with Angel and it was hilarious. I really really enjoyed that. Then afterwards I packed everything up and had to wait forever for Julia to make her way over the apartment. But we packed up everything in her car, (after she left some stuff behind) and got on the road and stopped at the house to lay down after the 6 hour drive that involved waiting on the road for an hour because some accident had blocked up three lanes of traffic forever. So we left there yesterday afternoon, and I went over got my cash for my apartment and we decided to make our way to Pembroke.
I'm here now in the apartment and in truth, it's actually pretty amazing. It's like a miniature apartment complex the way a regular one would be. I have my own private bathroom connected to a small bedroom setting with a full bed and a desk setting with levels on it. Dressers are attached to the bed and we have a living room followed by a kitchen and bar setting too. Outside is the pool and the entertainment center. So it's full fledged community in a small square. Really nice. And my roommates are too. Surprisingly. There's Jerry who's the total Australian-looking hottie that's constantly walking around half-naked. Don, who's the loud-mouth city boy, but he's the shit. And then there's Brad who's the quieter country boy with the enigmatic personality that I'm drawn to. So yeah they're really nice and I actually think this year is going to be the best I've had yet. Figures the best would be LAST. So is my luck.
Tuesday 14 August 2007
Annnnnndddd Page Turn.....Summer Epilogue Part 1
Alright so it's been about two weeks since I've last got at this thing, it's just that I've been mad swamped with the complications as to what's going on with Goddard and this whole school shit and how to pay for it and all of that. So I have to give a quick but thorough recap of the situation as thus follows now.
Two weeks before the end of the internship, Julia and I decided to have a complete club night in DC, which I had never done we got totally dolled up and headed out for this club named Apex, which is near DuPont Circle, and covered in body glitter and looking hot BOOTZ, we headed out there just to have a good time. We got there and the club is amazing. It was the nicest club I had ever been in with lights etched in the ceiling and five dance floors with giant disco balls, and seven bars, a video lounge, and karaoke. So we just chilled there and I met a few guys chatted with them had some drinks and took off my shirt and started dancing on the floor, well actually above it on a balcony. And as I was dancing, some random chinese guy whispered in his ear if he could dance. It was a DANCE so I said yeah. But we started dancing, and then the next thing, he had his hand down my jeans and it got real REAL scandalous. So rather than risk the entire judgement of the club, I told him to stop and I had to get away from that. And then I met Ted and we laughed and the club closed at 4 in the morning, Julia took a cab home.
Shortly before the end of Goddard, I decided to go to NYC and visit my cousin Dale and that was awesome. We decided to hop a Greyhound bus from DC and head up to Times Square and it was 35 round trip so that was really good. We managed to get there on time, but the funny thing was the moment we got off and got in the trip, the sky started dripping and two seconds later, after Dale met us on the street a freak typoon erupted on top of us with torrential rain pouring all over us and our stuff. So after panting and freaking out we manged to end up at Dale's brooklyn apartment which was actually pretty nice. He rooms with this guy named Cameron who's really funny a little odd but he's cool. So we stayed there and Dale's friends Marques and LaKendrick came over and we met them. Marques is the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on. He's soooo beautiful. And the most beautiful thing about him is not that he's goregous, though he is, it's that he's goregous and sweet and wonderful. He was absolutely amazing and he was totally prepositioning me the entire time I was in New York and I wanted to take him up on it SOOOOO bad...but I couldn't do that. Anyway, Dale took us around NY, and we went to all these places like this one place named Planet Thailand which looks totally destroyed on the outside but when you walk it's a Polynesian Palace. It was really cool. And we went shopping over at Canal Street or Chinatown to those who don't know. The shopping there is amazing! I bought 4 pairs of shades, a pair of shoes with wood grain on them, a wallet, two belts, a crystal, three hats, and 4 DVD's there. It was amazing. We ended the trip by going to his friend Lauren's house and chilling on her rooptop which has a spectacular viewpoint of all 5 burroughs of NY. Sooooo beautiful. Not as beautiful as Marques, but close. So yeah that was New York.
Two weeks before the end of the internship, Julia and I decided to have a complete club night in DC, which I had never done we got totally dolled up and headed out for this club named Apex, which is near DuPont Circle, and covered in body glitter and looking hot BOOTZ, we headed out there just to have a good time. We got there and the club is amazing. It was the nicest club I had ever been in with lights etched in the ceiling and five dance floors with giant disco balls, and seven bars, a video lounge, and karaoke. So we just chilled there and I met a few guys chatted with them had some drinks and took off my shirt and started dancing on the floor, well actually above it on a balcony. And as I was dancing, some random chinese guy whispered in his ear if he could dance. It was a DANCE so I said yeah. But we started dancing, and then the next thing, he had his hand down my jeans and it got real REAL scandalous. So rather than risk the entire judgement of the club, I told him to stop and I had to get away from that. And then I met Ted and we laughed and the club closed at 4 in the morning, Julia took a cab home.
Shortly before the end of Goddard, I decided to go to NYC and visit my cousin Dale and that was awesome. We decided to hop a Greyhound bus from DC and head up to Times Square and it was 35 round trip so that was really good. We managed to get there on time, but the funny thing was the moment we got off and got in the trip, the sky started dripping and two seconds later, after Dale met us on the street a freak typoon erupted on top of us with torrential rain pouring all over us and our stuff. So after panting and freaking out we manged to end up at Dale's brooklyn apartment which was actually pretty nice. He rooms with this guy named Cameron who's really funny a little odd but he's cool. So we stayed there and Dale's friends Marques and LaKendrick came over and we met them. Marques is the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on. He's soooo beautiful. And the most beautiful thing about him is not that he's goregous, though he is, it's that he's goregous and sweet and wonderful. He was absolutely amazing and he was totally prepositioning me the entire time I was in New York and I wanted to take him up on it SOOOOO bad...but I couldn't do that. Anyway, Dale took us around NY, and we went to all these places like this one place named Planet Thailand which looks totally destroyed on the outside but when you walk it's a Polynesian Palace. It was really cool. And we went shopping over at Canal Street or Chinatown to those who don't know. The shopping there is amazing! I bought 4 pairs of shades, a pair of shoes with wood grain on them, a wallet, two belts, a crystal, three hats, and 4 DVD's there. It was amazing. We ended the trip by going to his friend Lauren's house and chilling on her rooptop which has a spectacular viewpoint of all 5 burroughs of NY. Sooooo beautiful. Not as beautiful as Marques, but close. So yeah that was New York.
Thursday 2 August 2007
The Show Will Return Momentarily....But in the Mean Time, Some Thoughts.
Okay so I'm back home in Morrisville North Carolina back in the United States (and to the Republic for which is stands, one nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all!) lol. I don't know why that came in my head, but it just did. I bet half of you won't even remember it. So then...I'm back and things are looking good. The flight yesterday was uuugghhh....long, tedious and boring....but at least the people were far nicer this time around. In Stuttgart she about let me get away with murder since I checked in 6 bags instead of the usual 2 (not that I had a choice mind you) and then when I was flying we got to Atlanta, (the place I dreaded thanks to Lorenzo, asshole!!!) it was cool cause the black folks were just really chill about their jobs and stuff. So I was able to get through (though I spent some three hours going through customs and check in) and then when I was on the runway heading back to Raleigh, we sat on the runway for an hour because a storm had come through and 20 planes wanted to take off before us. So yeah....but I'm back. My Xbox Live is in full swing and the world is returning to normal. I can't help but look at the Lubu Mafia and get tears in my eyes but that's normal for a while. Today...I'm gonna get up with the Q crew make sure they made it home safely, and look about flying to Orlando next week. We shall see. Later!
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