Thursday 19 October 2006
-$70.00 in the Hole and Counting....
Yeah I was shocked too. That's what my account said this morning when I checked. Dammit True screws you over like hell! I wished I would've known that before they slam your ass with a 20.00 bill on top of a 50.00 bill. Wow. I could've avoided this rather easily. And I was one day late too. Not even a day. More like five hours late. Anyway...oh well. I'll deal with it when the time comes. As far as updates are concerned not too much to report here. Just waiting for the time when all this financial shit is sorted out so I can bounce my happy ass right on to UNCG and move away from this cancer. Okay, it's not cancer but it's definately become stagnant. So I'm looking for the next big thing. But that doesn't mean I can't go out of this bitch without style now! The practice for Fire and Ice tonight was the shit as I finally got these girls under some semblence of control. We have eight competitors total and they are: Talisha, Tyneeka, Kamika, Natasha, (BK), Gerame, Jay, Jessica, and Britney. So it's looking like it's all gonna come down. We worked on a few songs tonight went over the dresses and the intro shit. So it's gonna be tight as hell. Otherwise, not shit going on. By the way, I can't wait to see two things happen. A) Christian to cuss the hell outta Kimber on Nip/Tuck for that scandalous bitch is doing to Matt, using him to get revenge on her feelings. Secondly, B) for someone to finally come along and dismantle "The Trio" and put them bitches outta their misery! It would be much appreciated. Damn! Enough is enough!
Sunday 15 October 2006
The Peanut Butter With My Jelly.
So this is the halfway point of my return semester here at UNCP, and I can say that it's not going fabulously, but it's not going nearly as bad as I would've assumed either. So I guess that's the good part. Let's see here. On Wednesday of last week I was jumped simultaneously by 7 big ass dogs as I tried to get back to my room from Courtyard, and I had to fend them off as the cops were nowhere to be seen.
I found that the drama with Germany is still not over afterall. I was told by my mother that the school actually sent me a check from Germany for my bank account which I didn't understand I didn't finish paying them off. I thought that perhaps it was because Frau Bischoff had come to her senses and was giving me back my rent that I overpayed for all those months. But in truth, I realized that it was really just the leftover amount from my account in Ludwigsburg. So apparently they're not gonna give me back my real grades until I finish paying off the rent of what's left which is 374 Euros or about 467 dollars left in the rent. And they're still a thorn in my side. I still have to do the report for them on the scholarship, so there's that to deal with.
I have to finish with Gilman too, so there's that. And finish out this semester. I'll be very happy when this shit is finally over. Cause I'm over Fall 2006. And we don't even want to mention the Fire and Ice Pageant for this year. Assuming there is one. I just hope that this is the peanut butter to my jelly and that the end of this year gets sweeter.
I found that the drama with Germany is still not over afterall. I was told by my mother that the school actually sent me a check from Germany for my bank account which I didn't understand I didn't finish paying them off. I thought that perhaps it was because Frau Bischoff had come to her senses and was giving me back my rent that I overpayed for all those months. But in truth, I realized that it was really just the leftover amount from my account in Ludwigsburg. So apparently they're not gonna give me back my real grades until I finish paying off the rent of what's left which is 374 Euros or about 467 dollars left in the rent. And they're still a thorn in my side. I still have to do the report for them on the scholarship, so there's that to deal with.
I have to finish with Gilman too, so there's that. And finish out this semester. I'll be very happy when this shit is finally over. Cause I'm over Fall 2006. And we don't even want to mention the Fire and Ice Pageant for this year. Assuming there is one. I just hope that this is the peanut butter to my jelly and that the end of this year gets sweeter.
Monday 2 October 2006
The Strains of the Mind
What is the measure of a person? How can one truly be defined? In the infinite ways that people are created and destroyed in all of that maelstrom of chaos, how can one person ever find out what they are really worth? Why are people defined by what they do? Isn't what you are enough? Better yet, what if you decide not to be anymore? What if you've lived your life by a certain creed, advocated your existance to something you thought you knew, and then you realize it was a mistake? Then what will you do? Honestly I'm lost at the moment. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately since I talked with someone a little while back and I can't seem to get her comments out of my mind. I've never really sat and analyzed why I do some of the things that I do, but when I talked to her, she made me realize that some of my answers are a bit...skewed. So I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I can continue living the way I want. It's becoming too...painful. Too many questions, too many memories, to many people wanting to know all the time. And in truth, it's just exhausting. I wake up every morning going to class feeling exhausted and I don't know why. It's just something I'm not used to. But I don't know how to fix it.
Ever since I talked to Miss Lisa and she got on me with all that gospel stuff, it's just been different. And the thing is it's not the gospel part that's getting me. That's not it. I've heard that a thousand times before. The part I don't get it when she asked me why I like what I like and I made it sound like a decision. So I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean I always that that it wasn't a decision that I made more of a natural choice. But then again I'm not sure. I mean what am I supposed to do? Just up and quit being gay one day? I mean I'm not sure I know how to be ultra-masculine and all of that. It's just not part of my nature. I just find it easier being me. But I'm not sure where that will lead me to or into, for that matter.
Angela Harvey came tonight at the school and did "That's Not Love, That's Stupid," which was quite excellent and I'm glad I went. She's very informative as well as being very entertaining. She talked about a lot of things that a lot of people on this campus need to hear quite desperately. And of course she hit on a lot of things that I needed to hear for myself personally. And I know now what I've known for a while now. I shouldn't have slept with Daniel just to appease myself. It was a stupid thing to do and it was unneccessary. I didn't need to fulfill myself like that and honestly I got nothing out of the deal. I slept with him out of fear that I was going to grow up and be a nobody because I didn't know what was going on in the world. It's one thing to be a certain age and claim you have no knowledge of the outside world. It's quite a difference when you know the intricacies of the world you live in and refuse to partake in it. But still. I only slept with him because I didn't want to be known as the 32 year old virgin or another Steve Carrell. It was a mistake, yes. But it's done and over. And I move on.
On the other side, I've met some interesting new people like Sandman (who's real name is Nick), Susanne, (the Charlize Theron wannabe), NaKeisha, Mike, Devonte, Shwag, Brad, the other Mike, Big Jon, Danielle, Porter, Clayton, Alex and Adam so this is turning out to be a rather eventful semester after all.
We tried to do our rehearsal last Wednesday to no avail thanks to the very annoying group that is NCNW, and because of their little group get together it ruined any chance we had of performing. According to two of the other girls, they claimed they thought it was at eight o' clock, (which is a lie, I told them repeatedly 9:30) and so they didn't show, and yeah it's getting kind of rocky. The Black and Gold Pageant went down this past week and from what I hear the reception isn't that great. I heard that the show was blown way out of proportion. Goes to show that complete crap will come out if you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Ever since I talked to Miss Lisa and she got on me with all that gospel stuff, it's just been different. And the thing is it's not the gospel part that's getting me. That's not it. I've heard that a thousand times before. The part I don't get it when she asked me why I like what I like and I made it sound like a decision. So I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean I always that that it wasn't a decision that I made more of a natural choice. But then again I'm not sure. I mean what am I supposed to do? Just up and quit being gay one day? I mean I'm not sure I know how to be ultra-masculine and all of that. It's just not part of my nature. I just find it easier being me. But I'm not sure where that will lead me to or into, for that matter.
Angela Harvey came tonight at the school and did "That's Not Love, That's Stupid," which was quite excellent and I'm glad I went. She's very informative as well as being very entertaining. She talked about a lot of things that a lot of people on this campus need to hear quite desperately. And of course she hit on a lot of things that I needed to hear for myself personally. And I know now what I've known for a while now. I shouldn't have slept with Daniel just to appease myself. It was a stupid thing to do and it was unneccessary. I didn't need to fulfill myself like that and honestly I got nothing out of the deal. I slept with him out of fear that I was going to grow up and be a nobody because I didn't know what was going on in the world. It's one thing to be a certain age and claim you have no knowledge of the outside world. It's quite a difference when you know the intricacies of the world you live in and refuse to partake in it. But still. I only slept with him because I didn't want to be known as the 32 year old virgin or another Steve Carrell. It was a mistake, yes. But it's done and over. And I move on.
On the other side, I've met some interesting new people like Sandman (who's real name is Nick), Susanne, (the Charlize Theron wannabe), NaKeisha, Mike, Devonte, Shwag, Brad, the other Mike, Big Jon, Danielle, Porter, Clayton, Alex and Adam so this is turning out to be a rather eventful semester after all.
We tried to do our rehearsal last Wednesday to no avail thanks to the very annoying group that is NCNW, and because of their little group get together it ruined any chance we had of performing. According to two of the other girls, they claimed they thought it was at eight o' clock, (which is a lie, I told them repeatedly 9:30) and so they didn't show, and yeah it's getting kind of rocky. The Black and Gold Pageant went down this past week and from what I hear the reception isn't that great. I heard that the show was blown way out of proportion. Goes to show that complete crap will come out if you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
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