The Day After Tomorrow...tick...tock...tick

And if my life was a television show, this is what I would entitle it, because the Day after Tomorrow, is when everything starts. Okay so we're going to look back on 2006 in review. So the beginning of this year was interesting with me taking a big ass hiatus at home by spending three months (God, how did I ever survive?) at home getting prepared to do something outrageous, and go to Germany for six months away from everything and everyone I know. So I came, I went, and I conquered that shit from Berlin to Basel, and all in between and it was awesome. I had a fabulous time and it was marvelous...until I returned that was. After a brief stint at home for a week and a half, I went back to Pembroke where I discovered that my problems with Germany were just getting started and that it was going to be worth about as much trouble as it was getting there and back. And in the middle of dealing with that, I lost one of my greatest assests, as Professor Travis Stockley died the third week of August (and yet a tear is still coming to my eye to think about it) in a massive car crash, and a week later, and old high school buddy died too (Kane, we all miss you). And then after that I tried to pledge to take my mind off of that and ended up landing on my ass, looking a damn fool, to which brought me to a state of depression for awhile, and while I sought professional help, I discovered that I could transfer schools and maintain everything I've worked for. And after getting through a semester of near hell with these damn classes, I got out much better than I expected to... so with ALL of that, I feel like this is a very appropriate way to end my year and so it's with that that I am going to fly all the way to San Francisco Friday morning at 6:30 in the morning, meet up with Zana, have a blast there, drive with her to Las Vegas and bring in the New Year with a bang, then drive to Oregon and relish in the Rocky Mountains before returning to North Carolina for another semester (and my last) at UNC-Pembroke. Now all I have to do is wait......tick, tock, tick, tock....

My 12 Days Before Christmas Is Really 16 Days

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And the Semester Burns Brightly as Fire & Ice Mixes It Up!!

Well then. I guess the old addage is true. All things have a way of coming back around then. What started out as a rough and shaky start has actually turned out to be a pretty good deal for me. Turns out that on Tuesday VR actually came through and paid the bills here at school. Leaving a balance of 2,000 that goes straight to my pocket. With that I can FINALLY pay off Germany once and for all, go to San Fransisco to meet Zana for New Years and even give my mom 1,000 to put in my account somewhere. So yeah perhaps all of this will disappear really soon.

In other news, the Fire and Ice Pageant was Wednesday and it was really interesting. As far as the show goes, it was awesome but my only complaint was that it lagged terribly due to lack of practice without the DJ etc. So yeah it was really interesting. But it actually ended in a tie at the end of the evening with Britney Melvin and Jessica Browning taking the top prizes. So overall a good night. And $150.00 price tag for me. I finished out my classes and so now I'm just waiting for exam week, and for that fat ass check to come...
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Stapling Your Soul to a 10-Page Project

That's about how it felt today when I handed in that damn report to Dr. Cannata for our English class. Of course it's like the final rough draft or whatever so we can fix whatever we need to next week and turn that shit in on the 30th. I will be very happy when I no longer have to look at that paper or anything pertaining to it. I mean I know Frankenstein was a really good story but DAMN! Can a nigga can a break? Nah I'm just playing though. It was good and that paper was good too, but it was long as hell. 10 pages and 8 sources. Yeah. However I'm dreading when this semester actually ends, strictly because I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do. So Ronnie hasn't ended up paying yet and I'm still waiting on the check which means I'm pretty much shit out of luck unless I came up with this plan early tonight, maybe I can take all my shit over to the game store and trade all of it in an attempt to get some of my cash back and then take that and pay off Tina which she told me is the equalvalent to 447 dollars basically, so if I manage to get like 500 for my stuff which is basically not gonna happen, I can pay her off and possibly get my stuff turned in by the end of next week. So that's only one of two major issues.

Issue #2: This thing with mom and them is gonna come to a head, I know it will I just don't know when. I've already told her my feelings on being gay, she knows it and they know it, but they refuse to accept it which is honestly fine by me, however I have a feeling that sometime over the Thanksgiving Break, something is going to come up which is gonna result in me having to rehash all of this shit all the way over again, which I do wanna do, just not right now when I still need a place to go back to after college. So until I can get something set up where I don't have to depend on that part of the equation it's gonna have to stay under the surface. However they have a way of attempting to peel and pull shit that isn't neccessarily relevent to the current situation. But... I suppose we'll have to see just what's going on.

In other news, I might a couple of guys online yesterday and that situation looks quite interesting if not promising indeed, and one of them is hot, boots!!!! Yes ma'am! I haven't seen the other one yet, but the one I did see is the shit child. I would most gladly have him come and visit...yyyeeeaaahhhhhssssskkkk! (yeahsk!) George and Jamie are their names and I'm gonna have to learn more about both of these potential firecrackers. Definately.

Slavery in the Cereal

One of these days, someone is gonna have to expose the slavery in the cereal campaign ads that keep popping up. So my friends Clayton and Jason and I are just eating lunch in the CAF when the question of the old cereal cartoons comes up and with it the slogan for the ad for Golden Crisp that puffed up oat cereal that I used to hate when I was little. And with it that little brown bear that used to come on and sing: "Can't get enough of that Golden Crisp," and we realized how depressed and repressed that bear sounds everytime he sings it. So now we've come to the realization that there's slavery in the cereal. Everytime you buy a box of Kellogg's or something you're giving more money to the Man so he can enslave more people and make more animals for satisfaction.

Yeah so that's one thing. On the good side, the negative balance is gone thank god, however seems like Germany is putting the ultimate death grip on my situation with the school. So they've cornered me into a complete and utter surrender. So Tina's put the hold on my transcripts and my registration meaning I can't send the transcript out to Greensboro and I can't register for next semester until this shit with Germany clears up. I've managed to get up with Ronnie a week ago, but it's taking them some time to get this check out to me and all of that so that's only complicating things. I need them to come on and move a little faster.

I had to drop American Novel class even though I know that thereoretically I cant, but I really didn't have a choice since I was already failing the class and it would've been far more devastating to keep it than trying to move it around. So I suppose that means I'll have go back and do the class again sometime around next semester, if I'm still here. We'll have to see. I know now that I have a few options in mind for this coming semester. If Ronnie sends the check by the third week in November, I'll have time to pay off the Greensboro stuff, pay off Tina, and get my transcripts and stuff in. If the check doesn't come in till after the third week, I'll have to pay off Tina and register for the Spring here at Pembroke and plan to make my move in the Fall of 2007, which wouldn't be a horrible thing but I'd have to go through and look at the English classes which transfer to Greensboro so that way I know in advance what does and does not work. If the check doesn't come in till REALLY late, I'm gonna have to work something out with the school so I can come back here in the Spring.

So yeah...I bought a new CD the other day and a few new games like Diddy-Press Play, Ultimate Marvel Alliance, Gears of War, and Midnight Club for the PSP though I waiting for Gears till Wednesday. And fopr the ultimate thought of the day: I'm considering cancelling this year's Fire and Ice Pageant.

The reason? well as of Thursday I was told that two more girls dropped out because they "aren't feeling it anymore" or whatever the heck that was supposed to be. I don't understand it and I don't get it. Why someone would continually come to practice every week practically since the week of September and then stop? doesn't make sense, but hey if they don't want to do it, I'm not gonna force them. But the problem is now I'm officially down to four contestants and I know they're not going anywhere. However I don't see the point in putting on all of the Ritz and the glamour just to do a show with four people. There's no point in having my parents come down here and selling all of these tickets and stuff if there's only four people and enough show for like an hour! So I'm gonna talk to CJ and Tanya and see what they suggest since I'm at the crucial part of the month where it'd be easy to reverse all of the plans and cancel the show without too many bad reprocutions.

We shall simply have to see.

-$70.00 in the Hole and Counting....

Yeah I was shocked too. That's what my account said this morning when I checked. Dammit True screws you over like hell! I wished I would've known that before they slam your ass with a 20.00 bill on top of a 50.00 bill. Wow. I could've avoided this rather easily. And I was one day late too. Not even a day. More like five hours late. Anyway...oh well. I'll deal with it when the time comes. As far as updates are concerned not too much to report here. Just waiting for the time when all this financial shit is sorted out so I can bounce my happy ass right on to UNCG and move away from this cancer. Okay, it's not cancer but it's definately become stagnant. So I'm looking for the next big thing. But that doesn't mean I can't go out of this bitch without style now! The practice for Fire and Ice tonight was the shit as I finally got these girls under some semblence of control. We have eight competitors total and they are: Talisha, Tyneeka, Kamika, Natasha, (BK), Gerame, Jay, Jessica, and Britney. So it's looking like it's all gonna come down. We worked on a few songs tonight went over the dresses and the intro shit. So it's gonna be tight as hell. Otherwise, not shit going on. By the way, I can't wait to see two things happen. A) Christian to cuss the hell outta Kimber on Nip/Tuck for that scandalous bitch is doing to Matt, using him to get revenge on her feelings. Secondly, B) for someone to finally come along and dismantle "The Trio" and put them bitches outta their misery! It would be much appreciated. Damn! Enough is enough!

The Peanut Butter With My Jelly.

So this is the halfway point of my return semester here at UNCP, and I can say that it's not going fabulously, but it's not going nearly as bad as I would've assumed either. So I guess that's the good part. Let's see here. On Wednesday of last week I was jumped simultaneously by 7 big ass dogs as I tried to get back to my room from Courtyard, and I had to fend them off as the cops were nowhere to be seen.

I found that the drama with Germany is still not over afterall. I was told by my mother that the school actually sent me a check from Germany for my bank account which I didn't understand I didn't finish paying them off. I thought that perhaps it was because Frau Bischoff had come to her senses and was giving me back my rent that I overpayed for all those months. But in truth, I realized that it was really just the leftover amount from my account in Ludwigsburg. So apparently they're not gonna give me back my real grades until I finish paying off the rent of what's left which is 374 Euros or about 467 dollars left in the rent. And they're still a thorn in my side. I still have to do the report for them on the scholarship, so there's that to deal with.



I have to finish with Gilman too, so there's that. And finish out this semester. I'll be very happy when this shit is finally over. Cause I'm over Fall 2006. And we don't even want to mention the Fire and Ice Pageant for this year. Assuming there is one. I just hope that this is the peanut butter to my jelly and that the end of this year gets sweeter.

The Strains of the Mind

What is the measure of a person? How can one truly be defined? In the infinite ways that people are created and destroyed in all of that maelstrom of chaos, how can one person ever find out what they are really worth? Why are people defined by what they do? Isn't what you are enough? Better yet, what if you decide not to be anymore? What if you've lived your life by a certain creed, advocated your existance to something you thought you knew, and then you realize it was a mistake? Then what will you do? Honestly I'm lost at the moment. I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately since I talked with someone a little while back and I can't seem to get her comments out of my mind. I've never really sat and analyzed why I do some of the things that I do, but when I talked to her, she made me realize that some of my answers are a bit...skewed. So I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I can continue living the way I want. It's becoming too...painful. Too many questions, too many memories, to many people wanting to know all the time. And in truth, it's just exhausting. I wake up every morning going to class feeling exhausted and I don't know why. It's just something I'm not used to. But I don't know how to fix it.

Ever since I talked to Miss Lisa and she got on me with all that gospel stuff, it's just been different. And the thing is it's not the gospel part that's getting me. That's not it. I've heard that a thousand times before. The part I don't get it when she asked me why I like what I like and I made it sound like a decision. So I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean I always that that it wasn't a decision that I made more of a natural choice. But then again I'm not sure. I mean what am I supposed to do? Just up and quit being gay one day? I mean I'm not sure I know how to be ultra-masculine and all of that. It's just not part of my nature. I just find it easier being me. But I'm not sure where that will lead me to or into, for that matter.

Angela Harvey came tonight at the school and did "That's Not Love, That's Stupid," which was quite excellent and I'm glad I went. She's very informative as well as being very entertaining. She talked about a lot of things that a lot of people on this campus need to hear quite desperately. And of course she hit on a lot of things that I needed to hear for myself personally. And I know now what I've known for a while now. I shouldn't have slept with Daniel just to appease myself. It was a stupid thing to do and it was unneccessary. I didn't need to fulfill myself like that and honestly I got nothing out of the deal. I slept with him out of fear that I was going to grow up and be a nobody because I didn't know what was going on in the world. It's one thing to be a certain age and claim you have no knowledge of the outside world. It's quite a difference when you know the intricacies of the world you live in and refuse to partake in it. But still. I only slept with him because I didn't want to be known as the 32 year old virgin or another Steve Carrell. It was a mistake, yes. But it's done and over. And I move on.

On the other side, I've met some interesting new people like Sandman (who's real name is Nick), Susanne, (the Charlize Theron wannabe), NaKeisha, Mike, Devonte, Shwag, Brad, the other Mike, Big Jon, Danielle, Porter, Clayton, Alex and Adam so this is turning out to be a rather eventful semester after all.

We tried to do our rehearsal last Wednesday to no avail thanks to the very annoying group that is NCNW, and because of their little group get together it ruined any chance we had of performing. According to two of the other girls, they claimed they thought it was at eight o' clock, (which is a lie, I told them repeatedly 9:30) and so they didn't show, and yeah it's getting kind of rocky. The Black and Gold Pageant went down this past week and from what I hear the reception isn't that great. I heard that the show was blown way out of proportion. Goes to show that complete crap will come out if you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

The Heart Always Knows...

So then this is it. I knew when I first started trying to put myself out there that it wasn't going to work. I just thought that with Travis' blessings and his courage behind me that that would be enough to take me over and conquer one of the greatest challenges that I've faced yet. However I found out tonight that it isn't to be so. In a way, it's a relief, but in another it's a massive disappointment, though I haven't decided which one is more potent. But the thing is, I already knew that. I knew that on Monday when I didn't get a phonecall and the hours ticked by. I knew yesterday when nothing happened, nobody came and nothing rang. Even though I was trying to prove mind over matter kind of thing by persuing this near-impossible dream for me, it wasn't enough to conquer it and I was told tonight that it wasn't going to happen. The funny thing is, I already knew that it wasn't gonna go through. I knew when I was sitting up there that the only thing keeping the answers coming out of my mouth was my mind and the nerves firing behind it that was allowing me to answer in such a way. But in reality I knew that there was going to be something wrong. There was gonna be a problem, a hitch somewhere along the line, and that in some kind of way it wasn't meant to be. So I guess I have nothing to do but to reflect on what could have been. However I will not saying anything against them because that would lower me and I still have respect for the majority of the people there. However it should be evident that rejection hurts. It stings like a son-of-a-bitch. I'm sorry, Travis.

P.S. Facebooks's Massive Apology

I had to include this. It's so wrong.

An Open Letter from Mark Zuckerberg:

We really messed this one up. When we launched News Feed and Mini-Feed we were trying to provide you with a stream of information about your social world. Instead, we did a bad job of explaining what the new features were and an even worse job of giving you control of them. I'd like to try to correct those errors now.

When I made Facebook two years ago my goal was to help people understand what was going on in their world a little better. I wanted to create an environment where people could share whatever information they wanted, but also have control over whom they shared that information with. I think a lot of the success we've seen is because of these basic principles.

We made the site so that all of our members are a part of smaller networks like schools, companies or regions, so you can only see the profiles of people who are in your networks and your friends. We did this to make sure you could share information with the people you care about. This is the same reason we have built extensive privacy settings – to give you even more control over who you share your information with.

Somehow we missed this point with News Feed and Mini-Feed and we didn't build in the proper privacy controls right away. This was a big mistake on our part, and I'm sorry for it. But apologizing isn't enough. I wanted to make sure we did something about it, and quickly. So we have been coding nonstop for two days to get you better privacy controls. This new privacy page will allow you to choose which types of stories go into your Mini-Feed and your friends' News Feeds, and it also lists the type of actions Facebook will never let any other person know about. If you have more comments, please send them over.

This may sound silly, but I want to thank all of you who have written in and created groups and protested. Even though I wish I hadn't made so many of you angry, I am glad we got to hear you. And I am also glad that News Feed highlighted all these groups so people could find them and share their opinions with each other as well.

About a week ago I created a group called Free Flow of Information on the Internet, because that's what I believe in – helping people share information with the people they want to share it with. I'd encourage you to check it out to learn more about what guides those of us who make Facebook. Today (Friday, 9/8) at 4pm edt, I will be in that group with a bunch of people from Facebook, and we would love to discuss all of this with you. It would be great to see you there.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Mark

Chronometrophobia, Cheating to Smoke, & Silent Money

Outkast has a song called Chronometrophobia on the new album Idlewild, which is about the fear of clocks and the fear of time....and that's kinda where I'm stuck now. So today is Saturday and I haven't been able to think right since Thursday afternoon. So here's how it went. Basically I did all my classes and went to the formal interview with Phi Mu Alpha...and did that, which I thought it went fairly well. I'm curious to know exactly what Aaron was writing down on the piece of paper while I was talking. The good news is that I didn't have to learn all that crazy stuff like Adam did like he knew the whole background of everything about everything. Fortunately the interview wasn't like that, and I'm glad we didn't have to know all of that. However he did ask some questions that I was prepared for like why I wanted to do PMA, and stuff like that, and I remember thinking as I sat there that I had to show proper eye-contact with all of them so I had to force myself to keep my head up and look at all of them as they sat there compelling with their eyes all hard and conniving. But anyway...after that I went and chilled out with Porter and Adam and Timmy (whom I have fallen in love with, not like that mind you) and I went back to my room when Adam and Porter came and picked me up and we went to PJ's PMA party over in Pembroke Pointe.

Honestly I'm not sure I went but I went because I felt like it was the right thing to do, since I am trying to join their fraternity and I figured that it would be nice if I try to show some support. So I showed up and felt way out of place there since they were playing beer pong and all of that. So I had Adam go buy me some Smirnoff and I drunk it and a few cups of beer and played flip cup with them. And after a while of bullshitting with them we had to go and then I went with Adam, Porter and Alex (another guy I met there) and we went back to Alex's brother's place and smoked some weed. Yeah I know, I know. It's not typical for me, but I was in a good mood and besides I didn't want to go home yet, and I wanted to hang out with them cause their really cool. So we went back and there and I smoked a blunt with the rest of them and pulled some shotguns with them (I found out that a "shotgun" is actually a different way of smoking weed when you don't actually smoke it, but one person has it in their mouth and they blow out and the smoke comes outward, so you position your mouth in front of the smoke and inhale and hold it in, much like smoking without smoking. So I think that's what's Clinton really did.)

But anyway...two other things.

First off, I haven't heard a thing concerning the interview, and that's what got me glancing at my clock every few minutes. I want to know what they decided, because if I didn't get a bid, then I don't know if I'll have enough courage in the future to do it again. So if they're gonna let me do it, then they need go ahead and get on with it. I just want that shirt. That's all. Aaron asked me during the interview if I would be okay with a "challenging hazing precedure" and I know he thought that I didn't know what he was talking about, but I have the beautiful ability to read between lines of bullshit that people love to spit out. So yeah and then Eric (I believe his name is) asked me how my disability affects my life. So I told him the truth that it affects everything. So I don't how they took it. But I suppose I'll find out soon enough. But this waiting is hell...

Speaking of waiting....I'm about to explode. I was supposed to get a fucking refund check on Friday so I got up at 8:30 to go over there and when I got there it had to have been a line of at least 600 to 700 people waiting to get a check. So I got in the middle of it and then 10 minutes before they started passing out checks, the gate is opened and people start jumping chairs and sprinting to get in line and shit. So I got pissed when I was pushed to the back. So a lady came to me and she helped me close to the front, which was great. But I was pissed really when suddenly I was told that the check wasn't printed because the printer was broken. And apart I'm way not alone. Apparently close to half the school is without a refund check because the printer broke. I think that this is because they were being stupid and were trying to print out like 3000 checks in one day and the printer couldn't handle the strain. So now half the school is ready to pull a rebellion of sorts because we're all without money. And of course everyone else is out cashing and spending and shopping etc. So I'm pissed yeah. So Monday needs to hurry the fuck up.

NewsFlash! D'Arcee Is Online! Or at Least According to Facebook....

Ugghhh this privacy act is getting ridiculous. But I'll get to that later. First off, today we had Professor Stockley's memorial here at the school in GPAC. It was really beautiful and they had a well-put together program and stuff. They even had people there that was a real shock to the school including Travis' sister and his "best friend" (I really doubt that. I think it was his boyfriend) who flew down from Chicago to be at the memorial here at the school. I think that was really dutiful for them to do. It was very nice and just when I thought I had cried myself out I found myself balling and streaming tears all over again, when I heard some of the comments that the people were saying, including one of the Professors who said just what I had been thinking about the thing that Travis gave most was Hope, and I really believe that.

But then other than that, I had my Environmental Science test today which I think I did pretty good on that. Otherwise I had to a meeting at Pizza Hut tonight, which I couldn't even stay for due to my pageant auditions coming tonight. So today (Thursday) I have another imporant meeting tonight and we will know nothing if my plans coming up is all for nothing or not. I sure hope everything goes well, because I don't think I can muster up the strength to try this again. Travis' death is the driving force behind this decision right now and that's the truth. It's true that he will always be at the back of my mind, but because it's so recent and fresh in my mind, it's what's driving my decision to do this. But I hope that this works out for my favor. But we shall find out this evening.

As far as the pageant is concerned, I have to say that I am much happier with the turnout this year as opposed to the first week that happened last week. We have right now 9 girls and 5 guys, give or take one or two with 4 escorts, or 18 people total, which is good. André got some excellent footage tonight with the models, and Geramé did something unforgivable while I was teaching them some of the music from the Pussycat Dolls, and out of the blue he starts copying all of the moves from the video perfectly (though it was not executed well) much to the shock and amazement of everyone else that was there. But we have all of it on tape, and I think it will be great for the show on the 18th. I think it will be very interesting to watch. Okay then. Before I go, I decided to post an ad that I found about the new Facebook via MSN through the Washington Post today and its not a good one. My thoughts on it, Facebook is losing it's damn mind and that's all I got to say. But read it and be amazed at what others say about it.


Students fight online club's changes in privacy
Facebook users say the site is now making their musings much too public



WASHINGTON - Denizens of one of the Web's most popular student hangouts are in an uproar over changes to the site that they say make their online musings much too public, turning their personal lives into a flashing billboard.

Facebook.com, a site used by more than 9 million students and some professionals, is an Internet lounge where people share photos, read one another's postings and make connections -- a kind of digital yearbook through which people find out about goings-on with their friends and on campus.

But this week the site's immense popularity backfired after it started a feature that culls fresh information users post about themselves -- Tim is now single -- and delivers it in headline-news format to their network of buddies. Facebook, of Palo Alto, Calif., unveiled the feature at midnight Monday, saying it would make new information easier to find. Within hours, online protest groups were formed and thousands of people had joined.

"I don't like it because it's kind of stalker-ish," said Yan Fu, a freshman at George Washington University, adding that he now thinks twice before posting to his page. "I think, 'Everybody can read it,' so I've avoided it."

Fu's sentiment was shared by many Facebook users, hundreds of thousands of whom have joined ad hoc groups of petitioners calling themselves "I hate the new facebook format" and "Students Against Facebook News Feed."

Era of public disclosure
Such a strong reaction in defense of privacy is rare among the teenage and twenty-something generation, which grew up in the era of public disclosure in the form of blogs, video sharing and reality television. Until now, questions about the wisdom of disclosure were raised primarily by parents, teachers and university administrators, while students flocked to Facebook and similar sites such as MySpace, Xanga and LiveJournal.

These social-networking sites have changed the way students meet and remember what they did last night -- especially as it gets easier to take and post information online or link to photos and video. For schools, the online networking phenomenon raised concerns that students' lives and escapades were being played out much more publicly with sometimes funny, sometimes embarrassing and occasionally dangerous results.

The women's lacrosse team at Catholic University got in trouble recently for photos posted online of the players and an all-but-naked guy. Last year, when Virginia Commonwealth University freshman Taylor Behl disappeared, police read her postings on social-networking sites for clues to her killer. That led many universities to warn students about risks as soon as they get to campus -- or even before they have arrived.

Virginia Tech asked older students to talk with freshmen about using caution. Catholic added online security issues to its student orientation. Students at Georgetown University got a brochure over the summer, and some signed up for a technology and online security class during orientation.

Georgetown pre-med student Miguel de Leon took the class and said the lecturer "made a good point when he said you wouldn't put your cellphone number on the wall of a building on M Street." So why post it on online message boards, or "walls"? De Leon changed his privacy settings afterward.

Shift in thinking among 18-25-year-olds?
Joining Facebook requires a legitimate e-mail account at a school or business. Members can decide how private they want their profile to be by limiting access, for example, to only undergraduates, faculty or individuals.

Many students said that they think it is fine to use technology to give outsiders a window into their lives and thoughts but that Facebook's new policy of broadcasting every update about their lives to other users is trespassing on the bounds of their privacy.

"It's really creepy," said Jenny Myers, who graduated this year from American University and works in Washington. "I think it's absolutely ridiculous, putting people's information out there, even small things."

That might be a shift in thinking among 18-to-25-year-olds, said Larry Ponemon, chairman of the Ponemon Institute, a Michigan research firm that studies privacy. "On the one hand, they're complacent about posting photos but really active and protesting when their information gets posted in a news feed."

The news feed takes information that people might have buried in their profile page and automatically displays it on the homepages of people in their network. As the information is broadcast more widely, attention is called to changes that previously might have been seen only by people who hunted. That's where the new feature goes too far, many students said.

"It used to be so innocent and fun," said Susanne Tortola, a recent American University graduate who uses Facebook to keep in contact with friends.

Before the recent change, her information -- relationship status, notes her friends have posted and photos she kept -- was visible only to people who read her profile. But now that Facebook is actively promoting updated information, Tortola can no longer quietly make changes, such as eliminating people from her roster of friends. Facebook's new system blasts that information as if it were on the marquee outside a movie theater. "Facebook can use your information and distribute it however they want to now," Tortola said.

George Washington sophomore Rachel Lynch's roommates have joined the protest, and she has shied away from posting any notes on her friends' walls for fear that it would attract voyeurs. "It's a privacy line that should never be crossed."

Facebook responds
Faced with many complaints, Facebook responded yesterday by posting its response on its official blog.

"Calm down. Breathe. We hear you," wrote Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's chairman and chief executive.

"We're not oblivious of the Facebook groups popping up about this," Zuckerberg wrote of the protests. ". . . And we agree, stalking isn't cool; but being able to know what's going on in your friends' lives is. This is information people used to dig for on a daily basis, nicely reorganized and summarized so people can learn about the people they care about."

Facebook's site already provides privacy settings that allow users to control who sees what information, he said. At the strictest setting, information would not be circulated on the news feed; the news feed collects only information that people have already allowed to be visible on their pages.

Still, for George Washington senior Justin Persuitti, the mere prospect of unexpected disclosure made him conjure up unsettling scenarios: "You could have a girlfriend and be at a bar kissing another girl, and somebody could post [a cellphone photo] on your wall."
© 2006 The Washington Post Company

The Verbal War of Pride Week

So this week has been really crazy ever since it started way back on Sunday. So I found out like a month ago that October 1st through the 6th is Pride Week across the world, and we wanted to do something with the 10% Society to celebrate so we've been planning Pride Week to coincide witht that. So it started out on Sunday with Angela Harvey talking about "That's Not Love, That's Stupid!" and from there it went on. However this week has been pretty crucial. So I had this ignorant fool named "Angel the Beautiful" (kinda gay, isn't it?) practically threaten to kill me on Tuesday in front of the other teacher and the students and stuff. So with all of that going on, after I provoke him to finally just go ahead and do it (which of course he didn't) I went to class. But after that we had our "Come Correct" forum on Wednesday since when they tried on Monday night with disasterous effects since "Jesus Christ Superstar" was here at the school. So we did it again and it was great and very intimate. I had a quick chat with pastors Micah and Katherine of the Church of the Painted Sky and they're really good and cool people. After that today we had our biggest event, and we decided to go all out. When I say we I mean of course myself, C.J. and Kamari. So we did it really big with pride flags and feathers and masks and glitter everywhere. It was very interesting. And we basically shouted to the world, "Hey we're here!" and honestly I can say that it was a very interesting experience. Suddenly people that were having conversations with you the day before didn't want to speak and so on. The cafteria ladies acted like they didn't want to take my lunch card to eat! So yeah...but we had our lock-in which was a big success. So all in all it was a very successful few days thanks to myself and big Kevin taking the initiative and moving shit around.

About Angel, today in class they went and decided to completely blast our project through their own by calling it the "ISUCKS" E-book computer chip which was a "magnamous failure" according to Laiaka. So yeah they blasted it again and again over and over and everyone kept looking in my direction. I said nothing and kept the mask on. But the funny part was when they finished even though everyone was laughing about it (except me, of course) they were leaving and Dr. Liu basically acted like she was going to fail them for the project due to the conduct that they showed during the presentation. So yeah that was funny as hell. But we'll have to see what happens. Later,.
9:38 AM
2 Comments
2 Kudos

Happy 100th Birthday!

So I just realized that this is my 100th post since I joined MySpace a long ass-time ago. And I think that my post is quite fitting in that I'm attempting something that I told myself that I would never do. I'm attempting to become a frat boy. I know! Isn't it unbelievable? Here I am attempting to rush for this organization PHI MU ALPHA or the music fraternity on campus. So I know it's not as hard-core as what I'm thinking, but it's still national and they still haze. So we shall see. I will have to put down my thoughts here in locked form cause I don't know how to control myself if I don't. Now I'm just trying to memorize the damn Greek alphabet. Fuck Xi, and Upsilon! I hate those letters! Anyway later.

Alpha

Beta

Gamma

Delta

Epsilon

Zeta

Eta

Theta

Iota

Kappa

Lamba

Mu

Nu

Xi

Omicron

Pi

Rho

Sigma

Tau

Upsilon

Phi

Chi

Sai

Omega.

It's Morphin' Time!

September 5, 2006 - Tuesday

It's Morphin' Time!
Current mood: contemplative

Okay so you guys remember those old ass cartoon shows that would show like the characters that would transform into something greater? Like for example, in the ORIGINAL Power Rangers (yes I said original first season was the SHIT! R.I.P. Trini) you guys remember how when they had to transform into either their power ranger form or into that MegaZord thing, they'd have to go through all this stuff to get there? Like pulling out the power crystals, flipping them around, and then you'd have to wait for like five minutes every single episode as you watched them transform into a superhero? But the fact was, you really didn't care cause the transformations were one of the many reasons you watched the show in the first place.

Well that's kinda how I feel where my life is at the moment. It's in one of those transforming moments where you know something completely different is gonna be the outcome, and it's like for the first time if you had never seen Power Rangers before, and suddenly realize that these ordinary high school kids suddenly become these kick-ass superheros and all that that you're like wow! Or in the case of a show like Dragonball Z, when the characters transform, you're not really sure what the outcome of the transformation could be. You could become big as hell like someone as Broly, the Legendary Super Saiyan, or you could become small and frail-looking like Freiza in level 4. Or even worse Kid Buu. However neither of these characters were actually weak and both almost caused the complete annhilation of the Earth at one time or another. But that's not the point.

The point is, I'm in a transformation stage and I don't know where it's going. I have no clue as to what it's gonna look like when I'm done. Maybe I'll be so completely consumed I'll disemble my network and reacquire a new one, or perhaps I'll just hit a dead zone and stop contact all together. Or maybe...no I won't say that. I am going to finish this. I'm like Monkey Girl on the Superhero show on Sci-Fi channel when she went up against that guard dog challenge. It took her 10 minutes, but she didn't quit and went up against both of the dogs and won. That's not how I feel yet but I'm sure it's coming. And no I'm not talking about in regards to school. Something else. Something more...sinister.

Change Is On the Wind....

Okay so I know this sounds kinda hopeful but in truth I really don't feel like it is. I bought Imogen Heap the other day and once again the bookstore delivers another wonderful product. It's rare the bookstore actually has magnificent music in his stock. There are a few instances though like that Paul Oakenfold CD I bought, and Michelle N'Ocellegeno or whatever and now Imogen Heap. Though I when I heard "Goodnight and Go" I knew I'd like her. But no, I finished Queer As Folk this morning and the show is officially over. It's hard to believe but it's finally through. I thought Brian and Justin were gonna finally get married but in the last episode they quit and Justin moved to New York. Linz and Melanie moved to Canada, Michael got his spleen taken out, he and Ben officially adopted Hunter as their new son, Emmitt found a new boyfriend after dumping the football player for the same reason I decided not to get involved with Craig, and Ted ended up with the same man from season 2, Blake. So in the end, everyone found someone except Brian, but that's the way he'd want it.

And this is bringing on problems for me. I've come to the realization that I don't like this. I don't like this at all. It's the fact that I hate the nights. I remember hearing in movies that the nights are always the worse, and they are. I think that's why I've fallen in love with Imogen Heap so hard. That song "Goodnight and Go" makes perfect sense to me. It's like all of the guys that I've ever seen that I've fallen for but couldn't have.

Why'd you have to be so cute?

It's impossible to ignore you...

Must you make me laugh so much?

It's bad enough we get along so well.

Just say goodnight and go.

She'd rather that her crush leave her alone and begone than to have to see her everyday and break her heart a thousand times a week. Sounds like what I'm going through. I hate having to crawl in bed alone with the cold sheets and the cold bed to have to take fifteen minutes to warm it back up again. I want someone here that I can grab on to. I want someone that I look at and lay down with without worrying about how someone else feels about it. I don't want to wait forever to have to do it either. I don't want to feel like I have to go to the gym and work on an impossible goal to try and attract the same sex, either. But with this damn wheelchair it's impossible to pull the attraction that I'm looking for. I'm mad that everyone seems to get the attention that they least expect. And when I go looking for something like that, everyone thinks I'm insane.

I hate the fact that I'm reduced to looking around on websites for people who are open-minded and don't mind many problems, because I have to explain my situation. I don't want to have to tell people that I have CP and can't walk. I don't want to have to explain what happened to me and why I look this way. I don't want to have to apologize for my skin color, and for my life and the way that it is. I don't want to think about beatings, and rantings, and ridiculous mess that people don't want to face up to. I just wish that I could turn around and there he'd be. Someone I don't have to say anything to. I just want to turn around have him realize everything there before I even open my mouth. So if there is a God, I know that he might not agree with everything that I'm doing, and if that's the case, if you don't like it, then change my mind!!!! Change my heart! Make me like girls! Make me forget about all the guys I've seen and fallen in love with! Make me become macho and stop looking at everyone like a piece of meat! You want me to be straight so bad? You're gonna have to work a miracle and change my mind! Otherwise....give me a fucking break.

And while it's on my mind, the auditions for the 3rd annual Fire and Ice Pageant are today. So that's interesting. I'll be looking for some interesting reactions to my madness. And tomorrow is the start of my pledge to Phi Mu Alpha. God I can't believe myself.

Preparing to Close the Heart...

So today is Sunday morning and Travis has been dead for three days now. I've finally began to get over it a little bit, by hanging out with a few friends and immersing myself in general groups of conversation. Anything that will help me take the pain out my head. It's like a surgery after the cutting and slicing away of the heart, when they've done what they have to, they prepare the sutures and start to stitch it up slowly. That's where I am right now. I'm starting to accept that he's gone and it just makes me more thankful and everything that I got to be his student. I had a conversation with Sharon today and she helped me to realize that Travis' death was just the way he would've wanted it. The crash was very very dramatic just like his life was. So I'm glad that it happened that way. He would've been mad if anything else happened like that. The paper says that he died instantly so I'm happy for it. As far as everything else, I managed to go to class and stuff but only after I went to chorus and found out that we're performing at Travis' memorial at GPAC. I didn't know that his death affected so many people. The GPAC is the only place we can have the memorial because of all the people that's supposed to attend. So yeah enough of that.

I got to see Silent Hill yesterday. It was really good actually. I was very impressed, and I'm in love with the camera work that the director used. It was a true mindfuck, just like the videogames, and it was a real trip watching it. The ending was really like whoa though it was kind of confusing. So yeah I've got mad work to do today. So more later on.

The Official Report via UNCP

The Official Report via UNCP

Friday, August 25, 2006

UNCP Professor in Fatal Automobile Accident

A veteran of stage and higher education Travis Stockley, 50, died in an automobile accident in Lumberton, N.C., on August 24, 2006. Stockley was an assistant professor and coordinator of the Music Theatre degree program at The University of North Carolina at Pembroke.

Stockley joined UNC Pembroke in 2002 and was instrumental in establishing the Universitys Bachelor of Music program in Musical Theatre in 2005. He directed a number of musicals at the University, including Music Man, Babes in Arms, Sweeney Todd, Aint Misbehavin and Youre A Good Man, Charlie Brown."

An accomplished director, Stockley directed over 100 professional productions throughout the U. S. and Europe, including The Music Man (starring Gary Sandy), Man of La Mancha (starring David Holiday), My Fair Lady, Singin in the Rain, West Side Story, Grease and Show Boat."

A Chicago, Ill., native, Stockley earned his Bachelor of Fine Arts from Illinois Wesleyan and his Master of Fine Arts from Northwestern University. He was a member of the East Carolina University faculty before coming to UNCP.

Stockley won the Outer Critics Award for the best Off-Broadway musical production and the Joseph Jefferson Award for best director of a musical. A finalist in the Sundance Theatre Lab, he entered three shorts in the Sundance Film Festival.

An active member of his community, Stockley served on the Advisory Board for Strike At The Wind! in Pembroke, N.C., and directed plays at the Gilbert Theater in Fayetteville, N.C. He was also a member of Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia, a national music fraternity for men.

The Stockley family is planning a private funeral service to be held in Chicago, Ill. A memorial service will be held in the Givens Performing Arts Center at The University of North Carolina at Pembroke on Wednesday, September 6, 2006, at 10 AM.

R.I.P. Professor Stockley. I Miss You Already.

Travis, I cannot explain to you in words all that you have done for me here at UNC Pembroke. I truly owe you everything since being here. You are the only one who made me feel like anything I did was possible, and I am so VERY HONORED to have served and learned under you for every second we spent together during the two years you were my professor. You were my advisor, my mentor and my friend. And this is very very hard for me to accept that you're gone, but I will do the very best I can to keep your legacy alive in my heart and my mind for as long as I have breath in me to sing. And whenever I open my mouth to give the gift of song, I will know from now on that you are my inspiration and my strength that inspires me from day to day. I love and miss you very much. And I hope that you have found in death, the peace that this life could not give you. Do a rendition of Showboat for me wherever you are!!!!

Much love now and forever, Your student,
D'Arcee C. Neal

To the Most Fabulous Queer Ever. R.I.P. Travis...

Wow. I just can't talk right now. Can't talk, can't think, can barely breathe right now. I was just informed two hours ago that Doctor Travis Stockley my favorite professor in all of Pembroke was killed in a horrible car crash when he dosed off on his medicine while driving as his car slid under the wheels of an 18 wheeler truck was crushed to pieces. I can't believe this. I don't really wanna dwell on it right now. This is the 2nd death I've ever dealt with. And I'm thoroughly tripping. I owe him everything. Absolutely everything. Without him I wouldn't be here on this campus. So Travis I will always remember you and I will never forget.you as long as I live. You were the greatest and most fabulous queer ever and when others were too afraid to do anything at all you were the best. I will truly TRULY always miss you. Much love. D'Arcee.

The Hunt Begins...

No not for food really. There's a few meanings to this little sentiment mainly in the way of the old, old supervillans that just seemed to make their way back into my life. You know it's funny. Honestly I swore I would never, ever ever see these people ever again so long as I were to live, but as the Fates decide, we are their slaves and nothing we can do can stop them from beating us to a pulp. That's right. The last two people on earth that I ever wanted to see mainly a certain Mister Phi Kappa Tau, and a former SGA President, of which I would take great personal pleasure from seeing them bleed on the street have suddenly both returned into my view in less than a 24 hour period. It started when I was coming down the hall minding my own business, when out of the great blue yonder he turns around a low and behold I saw a demon rise from the great pit of fire known as the lie, and I saw his face and his eyes only for a moment before in a quick recollection of extreme hatred moved past with nothing more than a chill and shudder down my spine. The other spineless creature that graces this planet happened to be sitting down conversing with a few acquaintances I recollected from a summer past when the final tension between us snapped. There he was, recollecting and revising over and over when I noticed him while conversing with my own semi-acquaintance, and had to stop mid-sentence for the unbelievable truth that there he was in human flesh devoid of all innocence and dignity in front of me. I wanted to puke right then.

In other news, classes are good, I've suddenly seen myself dragged into a choir class that is directed and produced by none other than Jaeyoon Kim, who after a fierce battle with the powers that be in the music department, is now my current voice teacher again. So that's that. Speaking of production, the Fire and Ice Show is gonna be starting soon since the green light was given in preparation for the reality TV show that will be aired this fall at the school. So that should be fun. And I rekindled some old flames when I returned to the 10% Society meeting tonight to see what has become of this haphazard group thrown together. It seems they're doing quite well almost well enough to make me feel like a third wheel when it was my original attempt that revive the group to what it is now. But nevertheless I'm happy for them and I hope they keep growing. We've got some big plans this semester, some of which I don't know how the campus will take to, but hey like Chris said this evening, "If we don't get out there and do shit like this now, they're never take us seriously." So yeah I guess.

This morning I got to become a royal pincushion as I attempted to go and take the HIV test they were offering here at the school only to be sorely disappointed and discover after seven stabs of the needle that the veins rolled and collapsed. So we shall have to wait another two weeks until a new available schedule comes into view. In other words, my OTHER test results come back tomorrow. So I shall see what the Fates have in store for me this time.....until next time. Oríva.

And We Now Return to Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

Sorry for the delay. Technical difficulties. Oh well let's see here. It's like August 22nd, which means it's officially been 20 days since I've written here and it feels like another lifetime. Well if all my experiences were like this then I really am starting to believe in Hinduism cause I'll be trapped in the wheel of life forever! (or at least one can hope from this standpoint). Anyway...let's see here....what's to cover.

First off, I spent some very much needed R and R back at home and to the beauty and delight of everyone involved my parents actually left me alone and went away to Florida for two weeks without anyone! Can you believe that? Not only do I get to come home, but without Mom for two weeks there alone? I know, it sounds too good to be true, but that's what happened. They drove off to Jacksonville to attend some church conference with T.D. Jakes, and get dad some rest, while we stayed behind and played catch up like we always do. A few things here.

First off, dad is trippin' for real. Forgetting mom's birthday, mother's day and the 21 year anniversary all in a three month period is whoa. But we had a long and serious discussion, all of us at the dinner table at O'Charley's when I was there, but I don't think he was listening to us. I think he heard us, but I don't think he was listening. Sad thing is, I don't think there's much we can do to change what's coming. I only hope he can do what he does best and push back the inevitable before it comes crashing down all at once. They say he has a heart condition, he has bad muscle sprain, and a breath intake problem leading to what could be a stroke. But...he doesn't care. He made that painfully obvious at the dinner table. I don't know what to do. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. But he doesn't see it. I don't know. Can't focus on that now.

Mom's good, in good health and still kicking like always. She was getting really pissed (see above) and so she left and went to Cha-town to visit the relatives and relax. Came back and left with Dad to Jacksonville to try and calm the nerves. I'm worried about what could be the future of their relationship together. Since I'm gone, and Shon's leaving (hopefully) within the next two years, I wonder what she'll do when we're gone. Probably the same stuff, but the thing is, she's not stupid. She's not gonna wait around forever as dad tries to get his shit together. I don't know. But we'll just have to wait and see.

As far as Shon goes, he and I had a much needed discussion concerning the future of my personal sex life goes. I told him everything. And I really can't believe that I did. But that IS my brother no matter how much I regret that fact sometimes, and so I told him. Everything. About Germany about sleeping around, about losing my virginity, he knows everything. And I asked him the most important question since when I asked my mom about whether or not I could visit the fam for the holidays if I had a boyfriend (and she subsquently refused), I asked him if he would mind if I visited with my boyfriend, and he said no, thank God. Foretunately, he seems to have matured out of the stage of the parental copies, which is a good thing cause I was worried about that for a minute. I thought perhaps that he might get sucked into their little game, which would leave me out in the cold for a while, but apparently he seems to get it better than the rest of those two. He told me that he understands that it's my life and I should get to live it like how I want and he doesn't see a problem with me living how I want. I wish Mom could understand that too, but she doesn't seem to be getting it. I'm sure we could get along so much better if she would just get with the program. But it's mom and I don't think she ever will.

Finally so now I'm back in college at Pembroke, (after a long 6 hour debate with Lumbee Hall when they tried to cancel my classes due to Germany credits) and everything is looking good for the most part. I went and purchased the last season of Queer As Folk which means officially I own 4/5 parts, and I've seen now all 5, though I'm working through it. The classes are interesting and I've got the following to get through:

Psychology 101: Dr. King -M,W,F 12:30

Environmental Science: Dr. Ezell- M, W, F 3:30

The American Novel: Dr. Canada- M 6:30

Introduction to Mass Media: Dr. Liu-T, TR 11:30

Principles of Literary Theory: Dr. Cannata-T, TR 2:00

Vocal Lessons: Dr. Kim-TR 3:30

Creative Writing (?): Dr. Helgeson-TR 6:30

And that's what my schedule's looking like. Basically at 19 hours if I can get it right. But it's not as strenduous as it looks. I also have the Fire and Ice Pageant this year to deal with, and I've started the gears for the Miss UNCP Pageant too. And I might become a frat boy too, if the cards play out right. So yeah I'm involved in some big shit right now. And to top it all off...I've got Anthony to deal with.

So othis Anthony guy. I supposed to be meeting him today to just chill out. But I've spoken to a few of the gay guys I say I should leave him be. But I don't know. I'm tired of wondering around here wondering what to do. I miss Germany for that aspect. I wish to god I could've ran into that last guy first. We could've had SO much fun! But alas....it wasn't meant to be. Either way I gotta go. Later.

So This Is It. The Season Finale... :-(

Rather than wasting time and space on needless words I offer only this prayer that I hope reaches each and every person that I met during this lovely and fantastic experience.

"I hope that I have given you a reason for which to smile everyday. And I want you all to realize that there is someone in this world whether they be on the East Coast of California or on the waves of Australia, there is someone who cares for you and who will look out for you to make sure that you are safe. I want to thank all the people that made this experience what it is because it was truly a blessing to be here. It was an absolutely wondering and incredible journey that I will keep remembering until the next time that I can meet up with all of you and share the beautiful experiences once more. I would like to thank each person individually because I feel as though you all deserve your own special thanks in your own special way.

I want to thank Cornelia "The Yogurt Bomber" because you are always smiling and your mood brings me up when I feel like crawling back in bed. You're a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit and I hope that life can never take that away from you.

I wish to thank Geta "The Female Michaelangelo" because she's such a marvelous friend to have. You're funny and kind, and a great person to know. You know how to treat people the right way and for this I know that you will go far in life. May God give you back all that you give to others.

To Einam, "The Ultimate Mrs." you are one of the most powerful women that I have ever met in my life. You are absolutely beautiful and you will go to the final step to make sure that someone feels comfortable and accepted. I want to thank you so much for helping me this semester and putting up with all of this German craziness, and for just being strong when we needed it most.

Idan, "The Sith Lord" you're the backbone of the Lubu Mafia. Without you there would be no structure, no order. You have helped me so so much this semester and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without your help I could not have done half the things I've accomplished, and I realize that you are truly a magnificent person. Truly a super-hero in your own way.

Eliza, "The Vampire Queen" truly you're one of the best friends anyone can have. You're beautiful, kind, loving, and compassionate. Any man on this earth would be lucky to have you. With me you have been so wonderful and I want to thank you for being there and helping me when I couldn't help myself.

Zana "The Splitter." I love you. All I can say is, I love you. If you didn't have a best friend now, I hope that I can say that you have found a new one. You are the most magnificent person that God has ever created and I hope you realize that. I want to grow old together and when we're 80 I just want to reach over and pat your hand as we reflect on crazy times when we were 20. I just hope that you can forgo all my mistakes and flaws as we carve a path through destiny. Never, never will I forget you.

To the others, I want to thank you from the depths of my soul. Words cannot express how grateful and loving I feel right now, just know that I wish you all of the best from now to forever and I hope that you will remember me and all the things that we've accomplished together.

So for one last time I raise my goblet to the German sky in a triumphant cry: "PROST! To the LUBU Mafia! Long Live The Spirit of the Rhine!!!" Much love to all my people, now and forever,

sincerely,

D'Arcee. aka "The Godfather."

You Know You're American When...

* You wait for more than 5 minutes at the door to be seated at a restaurant.

* You order water and are surprised when there's no ice and bubbles.

*You're surprised that you have to pay for that glass of water.

*You can't figure out why your bill is so high after four refills of water.

*You try to factor in 15% for tips.

*You expect ice in your drink at McDonald's.

*You expect free ketchup at McDonald's.

*You are surprised that a Quarter Pounder with Cheese is really a Burger Royal.

*You have to ask what "McCountry" day it is.

*You spend more than 15 minutes talking about McDonald's.

*You ask for fast food and end up at a döner shop.

*You tell them to pile everything on it, and you can't figure out where the meat is.

*You walk through the crosswalks of streets without stopping.

*You're surprised that you received a ticket for doing that.

*You're surprised that the squirrels in Germany also have mullets.

*You start making fun of Turkish haircuts.

*And you've been here too long when you start thinking that mullets are cute.

*You're surprised that the portraits from the 1600's are the same haircuts as the modern day Germany.

*You're surprised that they even have portraits from the 1600's.

*You're surprised of the sizes of the cars and have to ask where the engine is.

*You can't believe that you have to pay to use the bathroom.

*You spend more than 5 minutes trying to figure out how to flush the toilet.

*You pull the "flush" string and can't figure out why the paramedics have arrived.

*You're surprised when you ask "How are you doing?" and you get a real answer.

*You walk into a clothing store and see the tag that reads "XXL" and you believe it.

Venutian Lesson Number One: Examine Your Threads

VENUTIAN FASHION.

So then. You wanna speak and be Venutian? Here's how to dress like one. The current state of Germany is one where the population is almost nearly divided into a perfect and equal half. 50% is German while the other 50% is of Turkish decent which is like from the Middle East/Turkey region. And the way that they dress is a vast difference from the way the Germans dress. Typical German clothing includes the button-up shirt with a pair of jeans, maybe some sandals or flip flops or a loose-fitting t-shirt. The hair styles are various but do not differ a lot. You have the fauxhawk as it is called in some circles, which is the mohawk, only much much shorter and easier to control and maintain with the proper amount of hair gel. And then you have the classic Caesar style, the short cut around the ears style, and the long hair hippie style. These are the primary hairstyles that have been around since before the 1700's believe me I know this from looking at the pictures in the Schlossplatz. Allow me to warn onlookers that German clothing can be extremely deceptive. Many of the people here in Germany are exceptionally thin, so the clothes they wear reflect this style. For example I bought a sweater from a shop in Breuningland, which is like a German mall, from a store called New York. The sweater says XXL on the tag, so I figured it would be more than big enough for me since I'm not that big. I get home, try and it on and the sweater becomes a corset/second skin as it's body-conforming and presses against the skin. In otherwords, it's very tight. But it's a hot sweater.

However the Turkish are the complete opposite of the Germans. Whatever the Germans do, the Turks refuse to cooperate unless you find those one or two rare exceptions. Turkish clothing varies in age and social status depending on where you are and who you are talking to. For the young men, it is taken almost completely copied from the American Western side of the world, copying the complete "gangsta" look, with the baggy pants rolled up one side, and the piercings, with the big shoes/boots, and graphic tees or button ups open. Add to this the look of aviator glasses or big sunglasses in general, and you have a good idea of what's going on. The hairstyles are wild ranging from classic fauxhawk, to the wild and crazy New York inspired hair cuts of the wild strands thrown across the face, with the mullet combined in the back. For older men, they stick the more conservative side of things with slacks and a button up or polo and the mullet or jerry curl (I know you thought those things were out of style!) with the loafers to complete the look.

Turkish women also have distinct looks as to what they wear. You have the classic Middle Eastern ensemble with the headwrap and body cover usually in black or brown, or if you're a younger Turkish girl the style mostly copies from the looks of Hollywood with tight blue jeans and thigh high boots, with a nose piercing lots of rings, and crazy hair.

I have decided that the Turkish will be my next inspiration for my upcoming fashion show at Pembroke, the Fire and Ice Pageant Round 3: International Vogue.

A Last Bit of Advice From "The Gayshia"

So it's Wednesday and the clock is ticking on my time here in Ludwigsburg. I've got six days left here and I'm trying my best to enjoy it. Turns out that Xavier and Kristin are leaving us early and going to stay with the "Sugardaddy" aka Rogerio in Esslingen, so many of us won't see them again. I guess I'm glad that Craig and I live in North Carolina so we can keep in better contact with them. I know for one that I better be in good contact with Craig and Xavier at least, since they both live relatively close to the school and my house. So tonight we had an ERASMUS party, which is like a party for all the International Students at Antonio's house. On that subject, I will not go into other than to say that someone there is a very scandalous and hypocritical bitch who can't keep her hands to herself, and she should learn to control her feelings better in public than to constantly prove to everyone that she's in love again, and that she has to prove that every three minutes. I mean give the man some air to breathe. (B.) So after the party I'm chatting it up with Xavier and Craig and I found out through Xavier's professional diagnosis that Craig has entered into a state of depression due to his homesickness, and that's causing his lack of everything. Personally I don't know whether to believe this, because Craig is the type of person that constantly has to have someone around him that's able to understand his problems. If we couldn't then, he'd have no choice but to deal with it on his own anyway. So yeah.

But I start talking to Xavier and found out the whole scoop on him, and it's not true that he's a pompous asshole who thinks he's better than everyone else. So we sat and chatted and I found out the real scoop that in fact it was just the way that the cards played out and he ended up where he is. I'm glad that I had the talk because it really cleared up a lot of things for me trying to understand that because he's always been somewhat of a mystery. Personally I think that he has the vibe of being a little more special than most, but honestly that's just air, not really the truth. It offered me a glimpse to what other people on the campus don't really get to see. And he's not the only one for whose feelings I've changed for.

Turns out Ray is a pretty cool dude too, not to mention kinda cute in a loveable teddy bear kind of way. In the beginning, I thought he was just a prude who wanted to do nothing but hang with the Germans and do German things, and at first he was on Craig's and I shit list because of it. But honestly, as far as I know, he's not like that. He's funny and intelligent and witty, and compassionate which is far more than what I thought. I guess when you go abroad, you try to find people that are most like you so you can relate better. So since they're both from Pembroke, I guess I just tried to get to know them a little better. And the attention paid off.

You're From Mars, But on Venus? Here's How to Speak Venutian!! (Or to live in Germany fyi)

First off: I finished my semester in Ludwigsburg today!!! yeah me!!!

So then, this is the first of many blogs dedicated to the art of venutian, or an fyi of how to really live in Germany, if you plan on coming here. You can read all of the how to books you want, but you really need to know someone who's been there recently to give you the heads up on what's it's like to be here. My lovely counterpart, Zana for who's MySpace profile you can find at www.myspace.com/43576404 will be covering the other half of what I leave out. We will be discussing the following items: So if you'd like to know the current and up date how to on these topics, just click the appropriate blog. I will cover fashion, sexuality (from a gay standpoint), transportation, and food. While she will handle education, sexuality (from a straight standpoint), culture, and entertainment/nightlife here in Germany. Keep in mind that our points do not neccessarily represent the whole of Europe nor even Germany for that matter. Rather Ludwigsburg/Stuttgart and the places around thereof.

Another Divine Revelation Concerning the Art of the Bootycall....

Divine Revelation #5: Know Your Bootycall's Previous Schedule

V. This is a very important rule, and it's one that should be followed constantly to the letter. You need to know exactly what your bootycall is doing precisely before or after he/she meets you. If you fail to procure this vital information, you could be left with a severe repercussion resulting in your genitalia turning a slight shade of blue or leaking extremities which is an embarrassing situation in either way. There is nothing worse than inviting your bootycall to enjoy the pleasure of their company until you come to the realization that they have a more important function in which to attend or was lacking sleep from your call, which results in poor sexual stimulation and performance. Always keep your schedule and theirs in your mental roledex.

Drowned World/Substitute For Love

I just thought it worthwhile to mention that I think this is one of my favorite songs of all time. It's on Madonna's Ray of Light cd, number one, and the more I listen to it, the more it makes absolute sense. Cause that's kinda what I'm going through right now. It just makes so much perfect sense it's really scary.

Drowned World/Substitute For Love by Madonna

I traded fame for love
Without a second thought
It all became a silly a game
Some things cannot be bought

I got exactly what I asked for
Wanted it so badly
Running, rushing back for more
I suffered fools so gladly

And now I find
I've changed my mind

Chorus:

No The face of you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love

I traveled round the world
Looking for a home
I found myself in crowded rooms
Feeling so alone

I had so many lovers
Who settled for the thrill
Of basking in my spotlight
I never felt so happy

(chorus)

Mmmmm, ooohhh, mmmmm
Famous faces, far off places
Trinkets I can buy
No handsome stranger, heady danger
Drug that I can try
No ferris wheel, no heart to steal
No laughter in the dark
No one-night stand, no far-off land
No fire that I can spark
Mmmmm, mmmmm

(chorus)

Now I find I've changed my mind
This is my religion

[tick, tick, tick....] Time Goes By....So Slowly....So Slowly....

Okay so then. After a massive updating of my MySpace profile I've had to come back for a refresher course. So here's the deal. It's Sunday July 23rd, and I'm just waiting for the Hausmeister to get here next Monday and give me the green light to bounce out. So I've got two papers and a presentation that I need to do, which is what I will be attempting shortly after a shower and some food, and I have a dreaded "klasure" (test in German) tomorrow morning but honestly I don't give a fuck. All I need is a 3 or more in the class to pass. German school classes are fucked. You get a 1 for an A, so on and so forth with a 4 failing. But I won't go into this right now because I've decided along with number 3 of the Lubu mafia aka "The Splitter" that we will bring you all who read these a comprehensive list of what it is really like to be and study here in Germany. I will take four subjects and she will take the other four and we will dedicate my last week here to this. So be on the lookout for that. As far as life is concerned, nothing much happening, so steeling myself together for the one last massive boost I need to get through this week. And we shall see what happens with Peter and Frau Bischoff in regards to the Studentwerk....no comments now, but we shall see. Because if I have my way...they'll be pissed and I'll be happy.

While I'm at it let me just pause for a moment to reflect on the incident of the other night. While I'm sure some people might not be pleased with this, it is my view and opinion to express the way that I feel about anyone I please, so take this as a disclaimer before you read on, Zana.

Now with that in mind, Zana's friend Timo graced our presence the other night when we decided to watch -god forbid- Johnny Depp's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And so I have to say that I wasn't sure exactly what to expect when he came in. I know I was thinking about someone closer to Josh's Marko since I thought though he was from Oregon that he might have adopted the quieter German tendencies towards frailness and all of that. However, that is not what came through the door. Okay so here's my breakdown of Timo, who's real name is Timothy though he couldn't find a German equivalent, so it became Timo.

First off: Quiet, hell to the no. Timo is a traditional American through and through transported over to the quiet confines of Germany. He is loud, brash and strongly opinionated in every way possible. In fact it was almost too much of a shock for me since Zana's not really like that, and I am of course my own personality so I can handle it. I haven't seen that in quite some time.

Secondly: As far as looks go, he's cute I'll give him that. With kind of a Luke Wilson if he had dark hair/Keanu Reeves complex about him (though Timo finds Keanu abominable). He's tall and big and broad. That part is the typical German that I was expecting if you're not small and frail then you are huge and bulky.

And then the rest of the evening was as follows: his view on men, his view on the best films of all time (never mind the actors, only the directors count), his view on German beer and his view on the rest of us. Us being, Zana, Ray, myself and Jessica. Then I decided I'd had enough and we needed to move so we moved to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It would have been exceptionally nicer, if I didn't hear the funniest statements coming up beforehand from the peanut gallery of one person. That kinda takes the air out of the film. And then to laugh at the insanely oddest parts, personally I didn't like the film because it was just so weird. Too weird to understand. But according to Timo-as the world is sucked through his view-it is the greatest movie in the last 10 years and Tim Burton's best, which I completely disagree with. I'd pick "Nightmare Before Christmas" anyday before I pick "Charlie."

He also has a fair amount of disdain for anyone younger than he is which of course was...all of us, so he gave me Ray, and Jessica this quirkly little sneer the whole night as if to be like, "How dare you try to be in Germany 10 years younger than me." Honestly it's not our fault that you chose to travel the world at an older age. We just happened to get the break to come years before you. And my final admonition here, (check the Mulan dialogue) as far as the gay factor goes, when he first showed up I didn't think that he was I didn't think he was as gay as everyone made him out to be. But that was before we got on the subject of movies. After the conversation was finished I had come to the final and finite solution of one thing. He's a real cunt. And I mean that.

My Possible Future as a Dominatrix!

Look out Betty Page! Alright then. So this was the other side of the story that I wasn't about to tell to the rest of the world. So when Chris came over last night (I just called him Mike don't know why) he didn't speak ANY English and when I say ANY I mean it. The only words he understood was yes and no, and even then I had to demonstrate with my hands. So I told him that he could start doing what he wanted and if I said no then to stop. He didn't get it. So I just laid back and he started kissing me and feeling on me, which was pretty good. Then he started giving head which was good too. Now I guess I can understand why guys like head so much. I'm just mad that it can give you back spasms. I least in my case it does. That part hurts. But otherwise feels quite nice. But then he tripped me out when got naked and then attempted to take my dick and put it inside his ass. Then I was like no siree! (especially with no condom or anything? Fuck that.) So I had to basically remove him to get him to stop. But then afterward it was pretty ho hum, until he started to take my sneaks off. God that made me soo freakin' hard! I guess I can see now why some guys like to be dominant cause it does feel pretty good especially after yesterday. And when was massaging my feet in my shoes oh shit! And he unlaced my Adidas sneakers real loose and pulled them off real slow I came all over myself it was so hot! The way he was rubbing my socks and touching my feet made me definately want to consider doing that again! I will have to see for sure what goes on in the near future! I wonder if Anthony will be okay with that? We'll have to see...

The Cogwheels of Connexion

As we move forward from place to place to and fro in our infinite complaisance as Morgan Freeman narrated so beautifully in the War of the Worlds, we continually are adding new threads and new connections to the web we call our social network. We move forward and with every new face we see or with every hand we shake we weave and work another string into our neuronetwork that results in the complicated brain complexes we have inside our heads. And even so, sometime down the road if these pathways are unused or undone in any kind of way, then they will inevitably break down and dissolve into series of nothingness until a new face or circumstance allows us to recall the pathway into existence. The day before yesterday I met two new such connections with my next door neighbors Matze and Tabea as they stood outside and smoked a cigarette and I was coming back from undoing a connection of my own with one of the Romanian girls, Petra. On the way back, Matze informed me that he has always had such a wish to communicate with me but never found the time or the willpower to initate such a conversation. However my being there at 3 in the morning next to him inspired him to move with such confidence that he was compelled to talk to me. Next thing I know I'm in his living room with Tabea and the three of us are having conversation and laughing at the craziness of the world as we bullshit our way into the next morning. I'm just pissed that he chose now to try and make this connection cause there's no way it could be lasting when I only have 2 weeks left here in this country. So that connection is slowly dissolving in my mind. My only worry is that I hope I can maintain some of the other ones that I've made here. I'd especially like to keep a few with the Romanians and Zana and friends. It'd be nice. I think that there are a few definites that I will not lose track of, Zana being one them. She's so great. I'm very happy that I did come here even though the situation has been full of shit since before I got here. I think it's an experience that everyone should get to do once. I'm just happy I got to do before I finished school.

The other connection included this random Spanish chica who Skyped me randomly yesterday. Turns out she's studying English in Madrid where she's from, and she never gets to practice, so here's my cue. So we have this arrangement now (after having the longest Spanish conversation of my life for two and a half hourss) where she helps me with Spanish and I help her with her English. Olé! But this is only one part of my blog. The other part you guys don't get to see. Sorry!

IV Devine Revelations About Midnight Booty-Calls & Those Who Answer Them...

Divine Revelation #1: Time Will Come For You, No Matter What

I. Never believe your BC (bootycall) if he tells you that it's okay for you to be there, if he keeps glancing at the clock. If he does this constantly, and if his reassurance is waning at best, seek a minimum safe distance. If he keeps telling you that it's fine and that the partner will not come back to find you in the bed together, that's bullshit for hurry the fuck up and get out. If you must stay in someone's presence after the other comes back, make sure to be doing a reasonable activity that will not arouse too much suspicion. If you fucked the person, the other will know this. But that doesn't mean you have to paint it over your forehead. At least ACT like you were there to do something else, and it just "happened."



Divine Revelation #2: When Making A Fashionable Exit, Be Sure To Properly Thank The Host

II. If you're sick, leave it at home and come back when you feel up the task of having sex. Do not enter into a residence get all into a sexual act and then up and decide you're sick again and due to this you must make a quick and fashionable exit, without your host getting theirs first. If you absolutely must decide to up and leave, at least give a suitable reason for why you're exiting the area and be sure to return within 24 hours to request a rain cheque or a follow-through. Do not book a passport and a flight out for three weeks and then inquire a month later as to the results of the party. The consequences can be devastating.



Divine Revelation #3: Always, Always Perform A Social Check. No Exceptions.

III. It doesn't matter if the person is the finest thing since Adam and Eve, and even if they want to jump your bones every second of every day, you must perform this vital move to ensure the future of your sanity. Failure to comply to this simple move, cam result in months or even years of mental anguish and/or permanently scar any future changes for a drama-free relationship. Find out who they've been hanging with, and what they do when they're not trying to jump you. If either answer to this is "nothing," or "I don't know," then that's a flag to evacuate and drop the A-bomb.



Divine Revelation #4: Always Read The Label EXTREMELY Carefully!

IV. You need to memorize every letter in every sentence of a label before you decide to purchase a product and ingest it for consumption. Do not take the printed picture on the can at face value. You MUST read the ingredients to find out exactly what is in the product. The media's job is redirect your attention the flashy colors [photos] and to the catchy slogan [stats].This brings up the point to make sure that the item can be identified in your langauge. You need to understand what you're putting in your mouth. If you are starving and grabbed a can without perusing the label beforehand, be sure to inspect the product inside with a toothcomb. If you bought corn and find a bean inside, you might want to consider returning the product to the buyer.
Currently listening:
Lost and Found
By Will Smith
Release date: 29 March, 2005
4:13 AM

The Genius of Alexander Pope

When I was in eleventh grade, I can remember sitting there listening to one of my teachers (at this minute the name eludes me completely) and I remember looking up towards the front of the classroom and seeing a banner that he had posted up on the wall and I remember thinking, "Wow, I like that quote so much I'm gonna write it on my jeans." And so I did. And my jacket, and my binder. It kinda became my un-official high school anthem. It said the following:

"Blessed Is He Who Expects Nothing, For He Will Never Be Disappointed." -Alexander Pope.

Now I know to the particular people out there in the world, this may sound like a really really cynical thing to say but honestly I can understand why he said it. I understood it then and I'm beginning to understand it more and more as everyday goes past. I keep looking at all my friends here in Germany and in Pembroke, and just everywhere in the world and they have all have things that they are looking forward to doing. Of course I do too but it seems at times that some of the most basic joys that any normal teenager would be allow to love has just been taken away from me. No, not taken rather just never given to me. For example, the car. That has been probably the biggest issue that has plagued my life for the last 6 years or so simply because at times (and a lot of times) it seems so utterly impossible to achieve.

For those of you who don't know, my car past begins like so:

In 9th grade I took the Driver's Ed class with everyone else because I was told I was required to like all high-school freshmen. So I did. But what I quickly discovered was that I was like all high school freshmen because my driver's ed teacher looked at me when he passed back the tests, (of which I passed with a 98) and told me I would have to left his classroom because he couldn't teach me how to drive. He told me he was nowhere near qualified to teach me how to drive what they call a "handcar" and that if I wanted to learn I'd have to hire my own driver at another school.

So what that meant basically was, you're not driving today. Or next week, or next year. So I had to watch as all my friends got their licenses and their new cars and drove out to lunch and so on and so forth while I got to watch or take the bus, etc, etc. However, that was okay back then. But this is now. And now says that I can't do that anymore.

Which brings me to my point. What are people with disabilities supposed to do in America? Our society is not set up to the point that we can make it completely on our own and if we're not about to die, then they're not about to help. I had to almost sell my soul to get an SSI check two years ago, and they didn't want to hand that out. Now I'm looking at turning 21 with no earthly clue how to drive a car. I have not the faintest idea. And on top of that, even if I did shuck out the 7,000 dollars required for me just to take the lessons, when I bought a car, I'd have to pay another 4,000 to get it modified (at a cheap dealer mind you) and then my car insurance would be triple the rate of everyone else's because as the law in NC says, "people who are more of a risk on the road have to pay more." aka teenagers, the elderly and the disabled.

However I could continue to put it off but then I'd have no clue what to do. It is and I repeat IMPOSSIBLE to live a life in America fully without a car. You must have a vehicle to drive to and from work everyday or even just to enjoy leisure. I do not want to have to wait for my friends to come and get me, and I certainly don't want to wait for a bus that might not even be accessible. It is completely and utterly out of hand that I have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to learn how to drive when everyone else gets it for free! And even when I do take the class the teacher's not even fucking qualified!

You know....that makes me madder than anything else that I know. The fact that this life is completely unfair. Everything about it is so wrong, and people honestly have no clue. There needs to be a revolution. Someone needs to DO SOMETHING. Because there are probably millions of people out there who are in the same situation as I am. Like how in the hell am I supposed to get a job? Normally one is required to submit a resume of sorts when you graduate from high school/college so you can show the employers what you know and what you've done. But how the HELL are we supposed to show something to them when you have nothing to show? It's for that reason that I don't have any employment opportunities. I don't have a reason resume to fill out because I can't say that I've truly worked for anyone else before. Not for lack of trying either, most of the time I hear: "You can't perform the duties required of this position," or "our working space isn't large enough to accommodate people in your situation." And for them to say that at a cinema is clearly and incredibly ridiculous. And the other thing I want to point out is that not everyone that's in a wheelchair or immobilized is over 60! I get so sick and tired of these commercials advertising for mobile chairs and shit and all they do is show older people who need the help and support for the chairs. I know that the target demographic is age 60+ but that doesn't mean that they can't use other people since all you're doing is showing how you can regain mobility! So I don't know what to do. I don't know what George Bush wants us to do. I'm seriously considering writing a long and lengthy letter to the head of Congress in my state because they have got to do something about this.

People cannot be expected to live like this! This isn't living life you can't go anywhere! The freedom of living is the freedom to travel where you please and how you please. The purpose is the traveling, but if you're unable to do that then you are stuck in a position that's not even your own doing! I mean without a job we can't pay for an apartment because quite frankly SSI isn't enough on it's own to cover for anything more than food. Nowhere near enough for an apartment. And of course without food, you die. So all roads inevitably lead to death, which I refuse to accept.

Maybe its better it's better to take Pope's advice. To never expect that the government is ever gonna do something to help, so that way when it never happens you can't say you're surprised.

"Blessed Is He That Expects Nothing. For He Will Never Be Disappointed." -Alexander Pope.

There's Something About Mary...No Wait, It Should Be There's Something About Zana....

Okay then. So it's eleven o' clock and the show just finished a little under an hour ago. In a word, it was great. I think it went really, really well considering how much time and effort was put into it. Honestly it was the fastest fashion show that I have ever done in my entire life, and it will be quite some time before I ever do it again. Because frankly that's enough of shit to kill a person over the stress. But all in all, the show was really good. The crowd was hype, the models had fun, the only problem was a few of the songs kept skipping but much to my delight, nobody stopped moving and it all went rather smoothy (except for the last scene but it went well considering we never did it on the new stage). Everyone was moving really well and no one tripped and fell (thank God) and it was really nice. So I'm glad everyone had a really good time. But no. That's not the point of this entry. And Zana, you know where I'm going with this....

This girl, this crazy California/German hybrid turns around after the show and we're heading back and I told her to put my manual wheelchair back into the room because I used it for the last scene of the show. So she takes it back and everything's cool almost. Until later when I'm chatting with Petra and Toby when I discover, "hey I don't have my housekey. Zana still has it." So I go to find her to get it. It isn't until she says, "oh wait, it's in my house....I think it's in my house." that I start to get worried. So she goes there and after ten minutes, she does not come back with the key. And she says, "I think it's in your room." All I can say is THANK THE LORD that I left the back window open this evening because otherwise, she would have had to contact the Hausmister, and hear him bitch and it probably would have cost about fifty Euro if not more. But she made it in and gave me my key, which was on the sofa where she left it. Wow. That's just a WOW moment. Congratulations Zana, you get the LUBU MAFIA WOW Award of 2006. Cause that's insane.

The Twisted Theory of the Mobias...LUBU Style.

The theory of the Mobias says that the things you do will come back to as time/space twist around in a big circle. If that's the case then I feel like this a curve in my bubble and I'm heading downward as I enter I new section of the circle. Today is the final day of the International Vogue Fashion Show, and I'm psyched about doing it and getting it done. We didn't have rehearsal yesterday because I was getting my hair done for eight and a half hours in the Hair Palace downtown in Ludwigsburg by Kevin and she did a great job. I just hate that I had to sit there for all day and wait for her to finish. And I got the style for 40 Euros which is a good price cause she washed it (30 Euros) then she braided (80 Euros) then she took a razor blade and etched it (20 Euros) so she gave me a really good deal. So because I couldn't leave the shop we couldn't practice but that doesn't matter cause we're gonna do it today real quick and get it straightened out. Everyone is kinda stressing about it, but I'm not gonna worry about it because it's not worth raising bloodpressure over it. The show is gonna rock and that's all there is to it. The people at the Padagogische Hoschschule have never seen anything like it in their life. So they're gonna be shocked to death. It's gonna be hot with lights and everything, with a five foot stage in the air, and light tubes and a black tunnel. They're probably never again see something like this. So I want to give them a reason to remember. And also if I can pull off this trick wih the PH, it will be a kick ass fuck you to remember for both me and them. Ran across Christoph today and I want to see him again, as I'm anxious to get back to the States. So here goes, to the downward spiral of life! Later bitches!

LONG LIVE THE SPIRIT OF FASHION!

LUBU MAFIA 2006, SCHLAMPIZI! WE'LL MAKE YOU RUN LIKE THE RHINE!