The Eclipse

Okay so here I am writing this and this day has not been the best one for me. Quite frankly, it sucked ass. The writing I'm calling this The Eclipse, is because Keven and Mari have a saying that whenever something is wrong (like someone did something to someone) they call it shade. It's like it's so grimy it can't be done in the sunlight. So as a result it has to be done in the darkness. While this is definately the ultimate shade today because I went to the damn Sinfonia interview yesterday and after a week of trying desperately to convince these guys to let me at least get a bid for the fraternity, after pulling myself to through the complete nonsense of going to every party and watching them get drunker and drunker, it was to no avail. I'm sitting there in my room (after all the pledges went to McDonald's to eat) waiting for the telephone to ring in my room telling me that I can have my pin and continue the process. But as the hours rolled on, I was getting a bit doubtful as to whether or not it was actually gonna happen. And then at 12:39 Matt Blue comes in the room with his notebook informing me that they've had the meeting with the bids, and I didn't get one. AGAIN. Now this is fucking ridiculous. I did everything I was supposed to do. I went out on an extra limb to prove myself to them, I talked to them one on one and I tried my best to convince them to give me a chance. All of it was for nothing. Nothing change, nothing mattered. Apparently they must think that I'm not good enough for Sinfonia or something because honestly I can't think of anything that I could've did differently. And of course, they didn't honor us with the reasoning behind why we don't have the bid. Of course I have to sit there and smile politely as I watch other people move past me and do this stupid shit because I can't. (I'm sure that Kevin got one this time, even though he never mentioned it. I'm happy for him but still. And I haven't seen Clayton yet, which is making me wonder. And if they both got one, I'll be VERY PISSED.) So today I didn't want to go to class or anything but rather sitting there in my room stewing for no reason, I decided to go to class actually. And I'm glad I did. It was actually fairly interesting. But still I'm gonna need some time to get through this. The only thing that I can think of that would fix my mood is: going shopping, which I plan to do RRRREEEAAALLLL soon. Dammit, I fucking deserve it! I can't believe this shit. Honestly I can't believe it. I have to go before I break this fucking keyboard.

Life Update Part Two: Tuesday

So then, this is the part that I couldn't really explain about before but I feel like it's important to go through even if I'm the only one that can read it because I'm gonna need it for myself and stuff. So I'm also dealing with this stuff from PMA and after the first meeting within like two hours, I was talking to Efrain and he informs me of the fact that they already think I'm a snobbish asshole who only thinks of himself and stuff because I wasn't "humbled" enough to join the group to begin with. That pissed me off like hell, especially since Jackie had come to me earlier talking about "oh I heard you're pledging, well you should forget it because you're not gonna make it. Tlhey're gonna punk you out." I hate it when people tell me what I can and cannot do and stuff. That just makes me feel like only out to tell me the things that they think I can't do. So from that moment on, I decided to change my entire tactic and everything. Apparently since they thought that I was "unapproachable" which was one of the terms given to me (after which I had had an interesting conversation with PJ they're leader who told me that I was not humble enough and too forward at first and to lower my guard) and he informed me to modify my tactics. So I've been trying to do so the whole time that I've been dealing with this. I'm decided to hang out with the guys at lunch (turns out Jason Grimes-the guy next door to me, the one that doesn't speak?- is actually quite hilarious and a great guy too. And Astrada's not bad himself, either) and I'm always talking to them and trying to hang out a parties and make myself available. I don't want PJ and the others saying that I didn't make an effort that I wasn't there for them and that I was too myself like Aaron told me (of which he said he was convinced that I was a snobbish asshole that kept completely to myself and really selfish-keep in mind, he doesn't know me like at ALL but nevertheless, that doesn't stop me from acting like it apparently)So I approached him to the side, (although I didn't want to, but I didn't see any other alternative to get his attention) he told me how he felt about me and all of that but eventually he said he would wipe the slate clean and all of that. So basically that's what I've been trying to do with myself is go and corner each of the individual PMA's and basically get them to see that I'm trying to change my ways so I can pledge and move on and finally get the damn letters and move on. However the real test as to all of this work is worth it, is on Monday when bids actually come out. I guess I'll have to see what's really going on then. It will determine my whole outlook and attactivities on this campus this year.

Life Update Part One: Monday

So yeah I was talking about all the random shit that's happened this week and so it's Wednesday and I finally have like three seconds to talk about it, though for security reasons it's got to be split into two pieces (sorry you guys for anyone that reads this). So in this one, I'm gonna talk about Monday. Monday was the day I met the woman for a job here at UNCP. I went there after trying to head to class and failing, I stopped and picked up some professional materials to sweeten the initial package like a leather profilio, a gold UNCP pen, and a new bag to carry around. After doing that, I headed over the UC where I met the lady upstairs and we preceeded to talk about the program she does. Basically, she comes to campuses on behalf of the US Government in an effort to find more recruitment in the area of special disabilities and then she puts that information on a website that's accessible to everyone (the students, and the employers) and then from there, their free to contact you however they feel. So after speaking with her (after telling her about the love of fashion to which she replied that they didn't have a fashion department in the Pentagon but I said that Collen even General Colin Powell needed a personal image consultant. So after that, she agreed to put the information up on the site, so I can't do anything about it but just wait.

In other news, I managed to make the musical so now I have the part of Pops and all of that, which thrilled the other people, and my parents included so that will be pretty cool, and I'm still trying to do this other stuff on the side, but we'll have to see how that works out. (P.S. I accidentally sold off one of my English books today, so like a dumbass I'm gonna have to buy it again!)

21 Hours...WTF??

So yeah I just completed my first week (though not a real first week due to MLK weekend) of the 21 hour schedule, and damn it's killer. It's 3 classes on Mondays, and Wednesdays, and four classes every Tuesday and Thursday. And with that kind of schedule I'm gonna have to reevaluate what it is exactly that I want to do. According to the charts, I still have five classes left to get an English Major and two more for a Creative Writing Minor, at the same time finishing my Musical Theatre minor. But I will not be able to grab the Mass Comm major this Winter unless they let me co-requisite, which is near impossible. I hope it doesn't stay like this. My mom told me that I had the choice of graduating this winter and if I do, then I could leave earlier. If I wanted to I could stay until Spring 2008, which would allow me to achieve the last and fourth degree but I'm wondering if I really should stay for that. I can't really decide. I need to see Dr. Curtis and ask him some questions but he never seems to be in his damn office! But this week coming up has some interesting things planned in it.

On Monday I have a business interview with this career lady who's responsible for the majority of jobs in the US Government, and she's a recruiter for jobs for people with disabilities. I'm hoping she'll be able to pull some strings around a possibly grab me a job before I graduate here so I know where I'm heading to when I leave. But I have to bring in a resume, a letter of recommendation and some paperwork. After that's done, on Tuesday (and I can't believe I'm saying this) I'm gonna head back to PMA and see what they're working with this time around.

As far as they're concerned this is how I feel about it. They did me dirty last time around. I tried to let them know I was serious about what they had to offer, but apparently what I was bringing to the table wasn't working for them. So this time, I'm gonna modify my tactics. Last my devotion to the project wasn't evident to them. I'm hoping that this around when I come back, they'll realize how serious I am and at least give me a chance to prove what I'm saying is serious. But like before, I don't know if it's going to work. I'm skeptical as to why they play so many games when it comes to the brotherhood, and I'm sure they have their reasons, but I know that's got to be one of the reasons why the Greek Life on this campus is so low. People don't have time for the bullshit. But like I said before, we'll have to see what's going on.

They'll be more after the day comes.

Oh yes I forgot to mention for noteworthy cause: tonight was the first night of "thinkfast" tournament being held here at UNCP. Frankie was up at the booth and the guy asked him to spell "acceptable" to gain a point for his team. Frankie's answer? "....acceptable is spelled E-X- uh...wait a minute..." um....yeah what the hell, Frankie? We're gonna call you F.L.D.3 aka "EX" from now on!

God Is the Ultimate Puzzle Piece.

So okay I'm right in the middle of waiting of this next class to start and I just had to write this blog to describe what the heck just occured in the space of three days. Okay so when I got here on Monday, I had nothing solidified at all and my future at UNCPembroke this semester was seriously in danger. But since Kirsten moved with great speed and even Tina responded rather quickly when I called her 3 hours later, I was able to register and get into some classes without much difficulty. The problem came into the fact that since I wasn't able to pre-register before the problem, I had lost much of my changes to get the classes I really needed for my degrees. So after much deliberation and plenty of staring at the computer screen, I decided to go ahead and try to finish out my English degree this semester or get as close to doing that as I could. So I what I managed to do was get 5 English classes which I all need for my degree, and I finished it off with "History of Musical Theatre" which I didn't know was being offered this semester, so with that I can get the minor when the class is done. So that's one down, three to go. After visiting with Dr. Sigmon earlier today, he informs me that I need approximately five more classes for the individual English degree and two more for my Creative Writing Major. I can already see that the only problem running into snag will be the Mass Communication degree that I have to get, but I'll deal with it when the time comes. But the problem today said that I had already registered 18 hours and I was at the max, so there was no way I could fit all of the classes in. I was already taking Concert Choir and stuff but I wasn't registered for it, because it won't fit. However we will have to see about that because when I went to the Registar's Office I was told that it wasn't too late for an overload however since my GPA is only 2.76, it's not high enough normally for an overload.

But I went to Doctor Gash and basically persuaded him to give me 21 credit hours, which he eventually did and I got the Registar's Office to enroll me into Writing Poetry 1, which is one of the classes I need for the degree, which is only offered in the Springtime. So basically God made all of the pieces slowly start coming together and I was even looking at the prospect of leaving UNCP in December with four degrees in hand, on two different diplomas, which I look forward to immensely. He's definately the ultimate puzzle piece, and he is beginning to connect all my pieces together to come out with the ultimate reward, which in this case right now, is Graduation.

How to Break a Looking Glass

So okay I was told not to write a blog about this but there's no way I'm not putting this down for my records to keep. So it's finally happened. After 3 years of knowing Jessica the unthinkable has finally occured. She's finally become pregnant. PREGNANT. And the sad part, it's not even her fault. Or at least the way she puts it. The way I hear it she was going to a photo shoot down at a place in Florida over a weekend, and while there these three guys cornered her and raped her ridiculously. And the result? PREGNANCY. That fucking sucks!!!! I mean in two ways. The first way, is for her. At this point in her life, this is the LAST thing she needs. She's three years away from getting her biggest check (the 25 million mega-whopper) and she's halfway through school with her Criminal Justice degree and then things like this happen. I mean sometimes I wonder. Just what the hell is going on up there with God? I mean I know all is supposed to work for the good but damn!

The second part of the equation is me. I finally told her about how I sat and thought about it and how if she wasn't seeing someone when I graduated school at the end of this year, hopefully then I would come down and we could give it a try. She sounded interested and we traded words but I'm beginning to wonder. I mean she mentions this guy Donovan like eight times every sentence, and according to her they've been seeing each other for three years though not actually in person till October of last year. It makes me wonder if she's trying to see anyone at all. But then again, do I really wanna get involved in all of that unncessary drama that's going on down there? I mean I'd have to deal with all of this stuff that's going on right now, and I'm not prepared to do that, but who knows what's going to happen after tomorrow? Perhaps I'll be better equipped for stuff like that when the time comes. And if I am getting an apartment with her, then perhaps things will change. I want to go down there and try to help her out and keep her out of these unneccessary situations, but it makes me wonder if I will be able to at all. Jessica's the type of person who will do what she wants to if her mind pops up at it. And I kinda had this looking glass pointed at the future of my relationship of her. I imagined coming down there and swooping her out of all the mess and taking her away to a place where she could try to revert back to the Jessica she was before all the bullshit. In my mind, I still have this image of her when I saw her pictures with Rodney and of the way she was when she still put butterfles in her signature. Not that I want her to revert to the naive girl she used to be, but back to the near innocence she had. No one deserves to have all of that misery. But...it's like putting in big crack in my glass with baby. She's talking about she wants it and stuff like that and it will ruin everything. On top of that, I don't want another guy's baby. Since my mom is adamant about me having my own children, I'm not about to start with someone else's. And if she cares about that, then I guess it wouldn't work no way.

I'm just glad that after we talked last night I got her to at least consider having an abortion even though I'm against doing since I feel like that's trying to get rid of too much responsibility for that person. But in Jessica's situation, I can't say that. And I don't want her having the bastard son of some motherfucker that raped her. It doesn't sound right and it won't feel right either. I just hope that her mother will understand if she chooses to go through with it. She claims that the only way she'll do it is through the pill though she informed me it only has a 96% success rate. That's still too high for me, but still I guess that's the only she'll go through with it. I just hate that this is the only way she has to do it. I hope that everything goes well for her. But damn!!!!

Welcome to the Freaky-Deaky West Coast!!

Okay so it's the new year 2007 (yeah!) but it comes with a price of which I'm not sure has been paid up yet for. So yeah it's Wednesday January 3rd, and I've been with Zana since the 29th and it's been a blast for sure. We've had a lot of fun since I first got to California.

After the long-ass flight there, I met up with her and her friends Carly, Duncan and Ryan and they all took me to the Cheesecake Factory for Lunch/Dinner, which was incredibly delicious (and rather pricy) and made me want to explode after eating it (they have the biggest portions of food I have EVER seen).

And the next day she took me to downtown Walnut Creek and we went shopping where I bought some new jewelry like a really nice two-tone ring with a stone in the center, a silver chain to go with the gold one, and a pair of silver earrings to go too. And then I bought Zana some earrings too. And I finished that out by buying the thing I wanted most this trip: a new Ipod shuffle! (yeah me!) Then after buying a bottle of wine for her dad, we went back and celebrated his birthday at the house (where they delicious food like a blue-cheese salad, potatoes au gratin, homemade ravioli, and filet mignon-which they eat really really rare- and homemade ice cream with homemade pecan pie) and her dad really loved his presents (especially the little flying helicopter).

And so after dealing with that, the next day I met up with Matt and his friend Kamika and we went from Union Square into Chinatown to find a place to eat lunch and after going past this place called Pizza Orgasmica (why we didn't stop there I have no clue), we ended up eating at this tiny Dim Sum place out in the middle of nowhere which was surprisingly excellent (though I have no clue what any of that food was called) and then we went to Golden Gate park and fooled around there for a while before splitting up with Matt and Zana and I headed for this place called Pier 39, which is a shopping district in San Francisco. Once there I went and bought souvenirs for everyone, including some oysters with pearls inside (still in water in the can) for my mom and Aunt Diane, and we saw an interesting stage show with some Argentinians, and I had my first real San Franscisco meal which was clam chowder inside a sourdough bread bowl, and it was the shit. So after coming home on the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit), we decided to freak everyone out and get really fancied up for Zana's new year's party at her friend Brittany's house, so we zoomed home and threw on fanciness, (with Zana in her prom dress) and we zoomed over to Brittany's where they were playing Battle of the Sexes, and we stayed over there for a while (and there was the HOTTEST guy there! Don't forget: Sport-playing tan guy with dark eyes) And we toasted New Years there and made a lot of noise as Costella Washington (Zana) and Toni Sinclaire (myself) made ourselves known through the circles. And yeah that was cool.

So afterwards, we jumped in the van the following day and drove six hours north to end up here in Ashland Oregon, which is where I'm writing this blog from right now. And the first night we just kinda got in and decided to stay inside, (after Zana stopped at this place called In and Out which has the BEST FUCKING hamburgers known to man. She wasn't KIDDING, and that guy in drive thru was really nice and kinda hot too.)

So yesterday I went with Zana's friend and roommate Marina and we tried to tour downtown Ashland on our way to go eat some Mexican food at Pipon's. Zana joined us before we got there and we ate at this place that had some very interesting dishes that I had never seen before (including a complete seafood burrito that's pretty big, although he told me I couldn't eat it and two tacos, but I did eat it and one!) and after that we went to the organic grocery store and I bought food in preparation for dinner tonight, and we went home and binged on complete junk for the afternoon (teeheheh) before at 6, Zana's friends Julie and Andrea showed up randomly and we decided to barrel out the door over to The Black Sheep, which is this British Pub (like seriously British) which is where I had my first Shepard's Pie, (which was actually really good.) And then we randomly decide, "hey let's go to the nude spa!" And so everyone does, we come back here and start singing Disney tunes with Zana's friend Sofie, and then we pile in the car (myself armed with just a towel) and head over to the nude spa on the outskirts of town right next to the highway. At first I was a little like whoa at the concept of getting naked in front of all these girls and Zana, but after it happened, I was like whatever, and before I know what's going on, I'm sitting completely nude in a steaming hot springs with all these random people with the moonlight overtop of us. It was pretty cool and I met some pretty cool people there, too. So in a nutshell that's been my vacation since I left the East Coast and I've still got today, tomorrow and Friday to look forward to. So yeah, it's been fun. I've really enjoyed it.

But now the flipside: Kirsten Bischoff STILL has not gotten back to me about that check and I sent that shit off like two weeks ago and tomorrow's the day to register for classes (which I STILL can't do) so I don't know what I'm going to do. We'll have to see.