So There's 1 Marcus, Another Marcus, a Third Marcus, yet ANOTHER Marcus, and Jevon.

Hmmm where to start? I'm feeling in a fairly reflexive mood right now so I figured I'd just go back over some old stuff and mix in in the with the new. I'm remembering about the first Marcus when I was in New York with my cousin Dale. Mmmm he was really pretty and a really awesome dancer, and he was sooo not stuck up about it which made him even sexier! (Huh, I wonder what he's doing nowadays, as I truly have no clue. Last I heard like two years ago, he was involved with that International Tour of Tarzan, but I figure he's moved on from that). He was really great, and the things he was saying to me made me feel like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct!!!! :) Ahhhh Marcus #1.

#2: Was the Pembroke Marcus I met with Tracy that one evening, and he's really cool. I used to think his hair was so iconic, and I was so jealous of the fact he had it and didn't even know it! He used to kill me saying that he didn't know how he got his hair it just grew out that way and I'm like, "some people have to pay hundreds of dollars to get it to look like that!" I was so jealous. He's a good guy though. I know that he and Tracy must've been together for like, a year now. I'm expecting that BABY BUMP sometime in the future, especially with the way the were carrying on the last time I was down in the Broke....lol. Ahhhh Marcus #2. You are missed.

#3: This one is a little more recent. He was a co-worker in my VETS office where I work, (I may have mentioned him a time or two before because he used to freak me the hell out!) and he was very strange. Everyone in the office practically agrees with me. Even though I started working for VETS back in October, I didn't actually have a full on conversation with Marcus until like March. And even then, it was right after Dawn's baby shower, where he was like, "Cake? I don't do...cake" And it was very odd. He used to scare the crap out of me because when he looked at you it was like, he wanted to completely devour you on the spot. I'm talking like Violator-Spawn type of swallowing. No removal of clothes, no time to think about it, just unhinge the jaw and swallow. Yeah. That crazy. I was with Keisha the other day (and I'll have to do a seperate post on THAT issue) and we were laughing about how crazy Marcuse was because she was like, being in a relationship with Marcus was like being married to the mob, and once you got in, there was NO WAY out. But I brought him up because even though he scared the bejesus out of me, he is simultaneously my hero. He came back to the office after coming back from Iowa (I mean, really Iowa! Who's there?) and basically told us all that he quit. He. Was. Done. He was like, "I got enough money for the rest of my life, to never have to work again, and I'm going to spend the next fifty years doing whatever the hell I want from now on. So peace out." Basically. I was freakin' awesome. I'm like, "can you teach me what YOU know? I wanna say that to MY boss!"

#4: This is the most recent Marcus to have showed up. He's the new guy coming in after....Keisha's....."replacement".....and he's pretty cool. Totally whitebread, slathered with Mayonnaise. Notice how I didn't say Miracle Whip cause that implies that you have some kind of soul in you (I'm sure he has a soul, I just meant, "soul") and this kid is practically devoid. At least from what I can see. He's a 24 year old federal contractor (I mean who does that with their life? Like, was that his ambition?) and tall as hell. Good lord. But he's pretty cool. I don't have much to say about this as of yet.

and finally,

Jevon. This dude came to my house last night after I had been talking with him over on the computer for awhile and I must make a confession. While he and I share the same passion for feet, I don't really get into black dudes like that mostly because I'm not all that comfortable with them. So I didn't really invite him sooner because I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to even do anything with him, but yesterday I was ridiculously horny and I didn't have anyone else to call, so I said, "what the hell," and invited him and he came. There's a good and bad side to this. Good: 1. He actually was kinda cute. 35, light skin, with a bald head and a mustache (that's a negative) and he had beautiful feet. Truly. 2. He was actually pretty cool. He had a good demeanor and he seemed like a chill dude. Which leads me to the...Bad: 1. He seemed like he was only into barefeet. There was a particular REASON I had asked him to come in his New Balances and the white socks with grey heels. Did I get to even touch them? No. He just came over and was like, yeah so let me get naked. 2. That's literally all he came to do. Get Naked. I don't play that game. I never have. It's not my style to have a guy come to my house, bust a nut, then leave. I'm not a free whore. Nor is my house a discount brothel. So yeah I didn't like that part. I don't think I'll be inviting him back either. Even though he was cool.

I Have Few Options, So...Now It's Up to God.

So the unthinkable has finally occured. I lost my SSI. Due in part to taxes filed from April in conjunction with the fact that the government has scaled back on resources, I'm no longer receiving the nice cushiony check that helped out so much from school.....oh Lord, now what? It would've been really nice if this would've lasted until at least August, as then I could be preparing for other things but as things are, that hasn't happened. And makes me sad because I can see a large crack appearing in my plans to head to London in the Fall, because now, I don't even have the check to depend on monthly...(maybe. A thought occured to me because the woman on the phone told me that while I'm in London I wouldn't receieve the money, but...if they know I plan on going here, then that problem would be solved....so perhaps I'll play the system.) But now things are going to get even crazier because now without the monthly check that means I'm relying solely on my income and things are going to be stretched farther than they are now.

However. Lisa told me that God wouldn't have given me this chance to go to school in another country if I wasn't meant to go. I have to hold on to the belief that it is meant for me to go to England and to get this degree, regardless of the kind of obstacles that get in the way. That will have to be the one thing that I hold on to, in the belief that if I have to, I'll take another loan to pay for the plane ticket that will get me to Europe while I'm trying to get everything situated. It's just that it seems like everytime things look like they're going to be alright, something comes along and destroys that image, and it makes me wonder what I'm going to do next. I mean, it's like a $200 Sprint bill here, $300 Costa Rica bill coupled with a $60 hotel stay, somehow a $500 loan has to be repaid, I need another $220 for a student visa, and close to $400 for a plane ticket to London, all while dealing with the last two months of rent (plus a month where I don't know where I'm going) but it's looking like subletting may be the best way to go, now I just gotta tap into the networks of the people I already know.

I just have to believe. And so I will keep believing that this IS what I'm supposed to be doing. That I AM supposed to live my life, and travel to Costa Rica, and return to move to England, and that all of my bills will be paid out and finished on time. I have no choice. This is the decision that I make, and so I this is me stepping out on complete faith though I haven't seen the end of this mess, and I know not how it's going to end, but I do know that every single time (and I do mean EVERY) single time it looks like it might be really, really bad, something happens to pull me out and everything works out just fine in the end. So I am praying for strength and guidance in the name of Jesus and already knowing that he will work all of this out for my good.

Amen.