Let's see here. Within the last week or so, I've been called out by three people, bitched out by my mother and my aunt, of which whom I never see, effectively caused two twin sisters to disown each other, break up four relationships, start another relationship (for someone else, as if that needs to be mentioned) and witness what will be the end of that real soon. I've missed more classes than I ever have my entire time in school, and completely fucked over a test. Bullshitted a paper, worked out the details to my show, had someone run over those plans, become contacted by someone of which I never wanted to speak to again, reopened the flood gates of emotions once more, and attempted to talk to someone only to have my mouth fail on me.
Now one of my friends is threatening to commit suicide. Another one is threatening to quit school, another one is threatening to kill someone, and the list goes on and on. I AM SO looking forward to this Germany trip, though I just realized I didn't even turn in the packet today. But first thing Monday morning, it's there. I want to find out what's going with my transcripts that I paid three dollars for and that haven't manifested themselves in any way, I want to find out what happened to my 50.00 DVD, which never showed up. I'd like to know when I'm getting my 8.00 back from that nigga Mike, who didn't even wanna go to the movies, and who convieniently forgot his ten dollar bill, and I'd like to know why the hell my mother told me that I could call her for some cash when she knows that I'm up here struggling like hell.
The only good and positive thing out of this entire section and slice of Hell and Despair pie is the fact that this guy named Tim was flirting with me over the phone when he called about Campus Fundraising (of which I have not heard from Cherokee), and he was very cute sounding, but he lives in Boston, and all that, and I guess we have to start talking business. Boo. Anyway, I had a very interesting discussion with CJ at the lunch table the other day and found out the scoop, or so it was with him. Very Interesting, is all I can say about that. Then I hosted a movie party on Thursday in my room, which everyone liked, (though they tripped like I knew they would on the incredible sex between Anjelina and Antonio), bought a few new games, and am hopefully about to get paid again in a few moments more. People I have never seen/never want to see continually flood my room on a daily basis of which I have no control, and I don't know if this show is gonna sell well. But all indications lead to "yes" which I hope is a good sign. I've got all the neccessary preparations for it, and I got my tablecloths, and candles and runway and all that. Ahh he's so amusing. CJ, that is. Dragon belly button ring? Okay....sure! Anyway...I've been planning and working, and working and planning. Let's just hope all of this goes on like it should and a season finale doesn't randomly decide to make a guest appearance.
Friday 30 September 2005
Wednesday 28 September 2005
The Indepth Scope About My Astrological Sign
Chapter 3. Your Inner Self and True Nature
Although you enjoy conversing and interacting with people, you also have a self-reliant, independent spirit. You can go after it alone if need be, because you like to be a free agent. You like to exchange ideas, but as stated below, you don't always listen.
You are a person who thrives on challenge, and you often feel that you must battle your way through life, depending upon no one and nothing but your own strength, intelligence, and courage. You believe in being totally honest, true to oneself and one's own vision and convictions, even if that means standing alone. Honesty, integrity, personal honor and authenticity are your gods, and you have no sympathy for weakness of character in others.
You crave the freedom to do things in your own way, and you work very well independently. Cooperating with others or carrying out another's will is not your style. You like to be the chief -or to go after it alone.
You love action and if others are settling down into a nice, comfortable little rut, then you are always ready to stir things up, do something new, make changes, bring in some fresh blood. Routine and sameness are like death to you. You are not afraid of trying something that's never been done before, and even though you may be seen as a fool sometimes, you also discover, invent, and initiate things that others will later emulate. Taking risks and following your own star are the breath of life for you, and you wilt (or get very frustrated and angry) if you cannot do this.
You are spontaneous, impulsive, direct, enthusiastic and assertive. You believe in the power of positive thinking and positive action, and you think of yourself as a strong person -even invincible. You hate being ill or in any way in a position of dependency. Accepting your own human limitations and emotional needs is often difficult for you.
You are basically aggressive in your attitudes and have less facility in the receptive arts of relating to others, picking up subtle messages and nuances, listening, nurturing, and harmonizing. Often you are so fired up about your own projects or goals that you inadvertently run over or ignore other people's feelings and interests. Being receptive and appreciative of others' contributions, ideas and feelings would go a long way in improving your relationships. Your impatience to get on with things causes you to be rather insensitive, and to therefore alienate others unnecessarily. You also frequently try to accomplish your ends by using anger or some version of a temper tantrum. You would gain much by learning to slow down, relax and just let things be sometimes, but your energetic, restless nature rarely allows you to do this.
Leading groups and classes, and being involved in community efforts, social activities, events or movements are areas where you really shine and express your creativity. An awareness of politics or the larger social impact of individual actions is natural to you.
The unusual and unorthodox appeal to you, and you do not allow tradition, convention, or other people's expectations to dictate how you are going to live your life. You crave freedom, adventure, excitement and discovery, and are not afraid of change. You possess inventive and creative genius
Although you enjoy conversing and interacting with people, you also have a self-reliant, independent spirit. You can go after it alone if need be, because you like to be a free agent. You like to exchange ideas, but as stated below, you don't always listen.
You are a person who thrives on challenge, and you often feel that you must battle your way through life, depending upon no one and nothing but your own strength, intelligence, and courage. You believe in being totally honest, true to oneself and one's own vision and convictions, even if that means standing alone. Honesty, integrity, personal honor and authenticity are your gods, and you have no sympathy for weakness of character in others.
You crave the freedom to do things in your own way, and you work very well independently. Cooperating with others or carrying out another's will is not your style. You like to be the chief -or to go after it alone.
You love action and if others are settling down into a nice, comfortable little rut, then you are always ready to stir things up, do something new, make changes, bring in some fresh blood. Routine and sameness are like death to you. You are not afraid of trying something that's never been done before, and even though you may be seen as a fool sometimes, you also discover, invent, and initiate things that others will later emulate. Taking risks and following your own star are the breath of life for you, and you wilt (or get very frustrated and angry) if you cannot do this.
You are spontaneous, impulsive, direct, enthusiastic and assertive. You believe in the power of positive thinking and positive action, and you think of yourself as a strong person -even invincible. You hate being ill or in any way in a position of dependency. Accepting your own human limitations and emotional needs is often difficult for you.
You are basically aggressive in your attitudes and have less facility in the receptive arts of relating to others, picking up subtle messages and nuances, listening, nurturing, and harmonizing. Often you are so fired up about your own projects or goals that you inadvertently run over or ignore other people's feelings and interests. Being receptive and appreciative of others' contributions, ideas and feelings would go a long way in improving your relationships. Your impatience to get on with things causes you to be rather insensitive, and to therefore alienate others unnecessarily. You also frequently try to accomplish your ends by using anger or some version of a temper tantrum. You would gain much by learning to slow down, relax and just let things be sometimes, but your energetic, restless nature rarely allows you to do this.
Leading groups and classes, and being involved in community efforts, social activities, events or movements are areas where you really shine and express your creativity. An awareness of politics or the larger social impact of individual actions is natural to you.
The unusual and unorthodox appeal to you, and you do not allow tradition, convention, or other people's expectations to dictate how you are going to live your life. You crave freedom, adventure, excitement and discovery, and are not afraid of change. You possess inventive and creative genius
Saturday 24 September 2005
The Key to the Lock....
The Key To The Lock....
DateSaturday, September 24, 2005 at 11:57PM
Alright then. Here's to eternal damnation. Or at least that's the way it feels. I have been trying my best to get these feelings out of my head since school started back in August and unforetunately, I just can't do it. And I can feel the depression coming. This time it hit really hard to the point where I didn't even go to my classes for most of this week. I just completely had no energy. To the point where I didn't go to the caf, I didn't really leave my room. And what makes it worse, I even missed a test that we had in Psyche class. In truth, I know what's wrong with me, and I'm trying my best to fight it. I'm about to have a giant wave of depression sweep over me, and I don't want it to happen. It's like trying to fight off a tidal wave with sandbags. But everywhere I look around nowadays just continually brings me sadness. And to make matters worse there's Erik.
I don't know. I don't know the best way to describe this. It's like ever since I met him over the summer it's had like some kind of cosmic fingerprint over my life. He makes me feel mystified, like I can't see straight when I'm around him. At first, it was like it always is when I meet someone new. It was just a lust thing cause he's fine as hell, but now it's more than that. It's making me mad, because I know I can't say anything. If I were to tell him exactly how I feel when I see him, well I already know the ending to that story. It would either a very negative response because I truly believe that he is straight like he says, but to me I don't see the problem with admiring someone strictly for who they are regardless of their sexuality. But if he didn't curse me out (and not verbally mind you, but for him it would be more a mental thing) he would have an indifferent kind of response, and that would hurt me too, because he didn't get mad. But then again, I guess I don't really know what I want. Cause he even he was gay and he didn't care if I asked him about seeing himself with another guy, even if he in another life had asked me to be with him, I don't know if I could. I mean, he's just sorta out there, and not nearly as fine-tuned as I would've imagined myself being with someone, and that's one thing that I'm not going to subject myself to. I refuse, and I REFUSE to submit myself to someone just because I feel a certain way and I want someone with me. That's not fair to them and it's not to me either.
This Erik dilemma is a repeat of the same shit that happened in high school with Patrick Stone, to which he appeared out of the blue like he always does, and my heart broke all over again. I'm crying now just looking at his name, because that's how bad he hurt me inside. I remember feeling sooo bad after we spoke because I knew what was going on. And I promised myself that I wouldn't do that again, and I'm not going to. I remember I did all this work and did all I could to try to faciliate some kind of relationship with Patrick that was meaningful, and something I could come back to when everyone else was trying to break me down, and just when I thought I had built this solid wall of rock, the rock turned out to be sand, and a wave hit, and it broke everywhere. And it made me soo mad. I'm wondering about myself the whole time. Is it that just I'm just attracted to guys who just supposedly straight? I don't know, but I dont' think that's it at all.
I think it's more of the fact that I've never actually met a gay guy who that I've been attracted to. Of course there's the physical looking factor, and it's true that many of the gay guys that I know are very cute looking, but in the end that's really all that it is. There's really nothing else going for them. Once you get past the fact of looking at them for eight hours a day, it just gets annoying. When you try and ask them a question about the political situation in America today, they just look at you with this blank look and have no clue what you're talking about. In truth, I thought that completely about Erik. The fact that when you're talking about something besides girls and soccer, he gets this look on his face like he doesn't know what the hell you're talking about. And then he told me about his situation with his dad and the soccer, and I could understand why he was asking me for help. Cause my original intention was simply to do one paper and leave. But then I understood what it was. And I helped out and caused him to pass because of it.
But then I thought about it. If the only thing he's good at is soccer, what would happen to him if say he couldn't play anymore? Or if like he did the second day of school, he broke his ribs? And now, he's walking around looking really sad, but I did warn him in advance, and it's not a big shock, because I told him what would happen.
But I still felt really bad for him because of what happened. He looks so sad walking around, and it makes me feel bad to watch him walk around. So I do my best to cheer him up. Well between me and that bitch Chris, then we'll do something. And I'm sooo mad that that bitch is trying to snap up my spotlight and everywhere I look on that damn page I see him. If he wants to try it, then let him. But regardless, I just spent quite a bit of time getting to know Big Kevin, and I think I understand him a whole lot better now. I'm not going to post any of his info, because even if someone was to find this info and work their way through the encryptions, I would be destroyed but I'm not gonna take someone else with me.
But I think I'm done ranting for now. Until next time.
DateSaturday, September 24, 2005 at 11:57PM
Alright then. Here's to eternal damnation. Or at least that's the way it feels. I have been trying my best to get these feelings out of my head since school started back in August and unforetunately, I just can't do it. And I can feel the depression coming. This time it hit really hard to the point where I didn't even go to my classes for most of this week. I just completely had no energy. To the point where I didn't go to the caf, I didn't really leave my room. And what makes it worse, I even missed a test that we had in Psyche class. In truth, I know what's wrong with me, and I'm trying my best to fight it. I'm about to have a giant wave of depression sweep over me, and I don't want it to happen. It's like trying to fight off a tidal wave with sandbags. But everywhere I look around nowadays just continually brings me sadness. And to make matters worse there's Erik.
I don't know. I don't know the best way to describe this. It's like ever since I met him over the summer it's had like some kind of cosmic fingerprint over my life. He makes me feel mystified, like I can't see straight when I'm around him. At first, it was like it always is when I meet someone new. It was just a lust thing cause he's fine as hell, but now it's more than that. It's making me mad, because I know I can't say anything. If I were to tell him exactly how I feel when I see him, well I already know the ending to that story. It would either a very negative response because I truly believe that he is straight like he says, but to me I don't see the problem with admiring someone strictly for who they are regardless of their sexuality. But if he didn't curse me out (and not verbally mind you, but for him it would be more a mental thing) he would have an indifferent kind of response, and that would hurt me too, because he didn't get mad. But then again, I guess I don't really know what I want. Cause he even he was gay and he didn't care if I asked him about seeing himself with another guy, even if he in another life had asked me to be with him, I don't know if I could. I mean, he's just sorta out there, and not nearly as fine-tuned as I would've imagined myself being with someone, and that's one thing that I'm not going to subject myself to. I refuse, and I REFUSE to submit myself to someone just because I feel a certain way and I want someone with me. That's not fair to them and it's not to me either.
This Erik dilemma is a repeat of the same shit that happened in high school with Patrick Stone, to which he appeared out of the blue like he always does, and my heart broke all over again. I'm crying now just looking at his name, because that's how bad he hurt me inside. I remember feeling sooo bad after we spoke because I knew what was going on. And I promised myself that I wouldn't do that again, and I'm not going to. I remember I did all this work and did all I could to try to faciliate some kind of relationship with Patrick that was meaningful, and something I could come back to when everyone else was trying to break me down, and just when I thought I had built this solid wall of rock, the rock turned out to be sand, and a wave hit, and it broke everywhere. And it made me soo mad. I'm wondering about myself the whole time. Is it that just I'm just attracted to guys who just supposedly straight? I don't know, but I dont' think that's it at all.
I think it's more of the fact that I've never actually met a gay guy who that I've been attracted to. Of course there's the physical looking factor, and it's true that many of the gay guys that I know are very cute looking, but in the end that's really all that it is. There's really nothing else going for them. Once you get past the fact of looking at them for eight hours a day, it just gets annoying. When you try and ask them a question about the political situation in America today, they just look at you with this blank look and have no clue what you're talking about. In truth, I thought that completely about Erik. The fact that when you're talking about something besides girls and soccer, he gets this look on his face like he doesn't know what the hell you're talking about. And then he told me about his situation with his dad and the soccer, and I could understand why he was asking me for help. Cause my original intention was simply to do one paper and leave. But then I understood what it was. And I helped out and caused him to pass because of it.
But then I thought about it. If the only thing he's good at is soccer, what would happen to him if say he couldn't play anymore? Or if like he did the second day of school, he broke his ribs? And now, he's walking around looking really sad, but I did warn him in advance, and it's not a big shock, because I told him what would happen.
But I still felt really bad for him because of what happened. He looks so sad walking around, and it makes me feel bad to watch him walk around. So I do my best to cheer him up. Well between me and that bitch Chris, then we'll do something. And I'm sooo mad that that bitch is trying to snap up my spotlight and everywhere I look on that damn page I see him. If he wants to try it, then let him. But regardless, I just spent quite a bit of time getting to know Big Kevin, and I think I understand him a whole lot better now. I'm not going to post any of his info, because even if someone was to find this info and work their way through the encryptions, I would be destroyed but I'm not gonna take someone else with me.
But I think I'm done ranting for now. Until next time.
It's Killing Me Slowly...It's Like an Internal Disease....
Oh god, this is like a disease. It's so annoying that it physically hurts. Like literally, the side of my stomach is hurting from the thought of it. It's like it's a constant buildup there is no release from. There are so many things I could say to at least three different people, and there's so many things that I wanna do, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt that if abanonded my care, it would hurt me so much that I'd rather live with the pain. There are thoughts that flood my mind and they come on the tip of my tongue and I wanna say them just to try them out, but I know that I cannot. I can't even bring myself to form the words. Since this is the public version I can say that you know when you get to know people and you aren't fallin in love with them, but rather you wanna try different things on them just to see how they'd react? Saying something that you know wouldn't ordinarily be accepted just to see what they would do? When you like someone so much but you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can't be with them? There's where I am at this minute. I can think of at least one person to whom whenever I see them time literally slows down, and I can hear the wind blowing in my ears, and I can see in my mind being with them and seeing the look on people's faces, and in my mind it is worth more than a trillion dollars at this very minute, just to be with someone you enjoy. I am not going to say love because I do not love anyone like that, and I never intend to say that more than once in my lifetime. And I kow that some people who read this are going to be like "What you're in love?" No. that's not it. I simply really enjoy this person's prescence. But it is completely in vain because even though I could easily open myself up to them, it would be like a dagger thrust through the chest of our relationship, adn that would hurt me worse than anything else. So for now, it's a terminal illness that I have to suffer with slowly. And unforetunately for those of you who are actually reading this, it's annoying but I'm going to name precisely who I'm talking about and how they feel in the next blog. But I can't open that. I just can't. Forgive me.
Saturday 10 September 2005
A Foreign Substance....
I'm sitting here currently feeling all this alcohol flowing through my bloodstream, and I'm just thinking about the day and the events that have happened. Nothing too detrimental, but I lost my refund, because it got "absorbed" which is what I thought might happen, but I was hoping that maybe it might be a little different. But in other words, I went to little party and got kinda drunk, and I had been roaming around and I wen to the party and ran into this ultra hot guy it was ridiculous, he was just standing around his boxers, and we struck up a conversation, though it was just nice to be standing there. I could've cared less if he had spoken any words. Does that officially make me something? I don't know. And right now, I don't care.
Friday 9 September 2005
Oh...the Horror...the Disgrace...
Alright, so how about the famed UNCP talent show being last night? Wow. That's all I really got to say is wow. I mean the hot was hot, we had like 22 acts and it was long as hell, and of course some people I knew got up there and did our thing, you like myself and my girl Puerto Rico! (what!) and Mister Buttery Brown and former Miss UNCP did their thing and this guy named Travis did the same shit he's been doing for the past like hundred years or whatever. There was this hot ass dance by this white dude (gasp!) and some gospel singing, and some ballet or whatever, and Chi-Chi and his crew got up there and did some stuff too and it was hot in the end or whatever. But nah....that's not what everyone was there for in the first place. They wanted to hear about that dirt, and that grime....and boy did we have some dirt! First off, now he's my friend, and I'm not sure if he has a MySpace page, or if he'll ever read this, but if you do, then Majik, you know I still got love for you dog.
He did this rendition of Usher's "You Remind Me" and performed it onstage. I can't even call it the actual song, because it wasn't anywhere close, so I have to say rendition. It was in a word, horrifying. I would have rather had the flu and stayed at home in Morrisville then come and listen to that song. And the sad part is, the longer it went, (which it went for like ever and ever,) the worst it became. But I got mad respect for Majik, cause he didn't even let none of that shit get to him. He must've known how bad it was, from the audience's reaction. People didn't even really boo because they didn't know exactly what the hell was going on. And so some girls cheered simply because they didn't know what else to do, and that just made it worse in the end, I think. He got the bridge and everything went wrong all at once. Majik's mike turned to static, he cracked big time and tripped, it was a hilarious performance. But when I think about what's coming next, it was a musical lullaby of the century.
What came next, I am sorry to say was a disgrace to all of humankind who has ever thought about, ever will think about, ever has, or ever will perform the most beautiful artist ever, Mariah Carey. That is my favorite artist of all time, and the way these two girls last night destroyed it will never be forgotten for as long as Fall semester lasts. It was....unbeliveably terrible. Apparently, this is the same chick whom from last year destroyed the sparkling name of Christina Aguilera when she performed "Beautiful" at the talent show last year. And now, you've seen what happen to Christina's career shortly afterward. What happened? Where is she? I think it might've been because of what that chick did. And see the thing about it is that I wasn't even there last year cause I had stuff to do, so I didn't even hear the song for myself. But I was there last night, and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(that's right, I had to take a space to say it right)
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad, it was hard to believe that she could've opened her mouth. Like I was telling my friends before, it was so bad, it was like an atomic bomb. It was like the largest bomb to ever go off on UNCP's campus. And it's funny cause when the lady announced that they were going to be singing Mariah Carey's "Shake It Off" everyone in the audience thought it was gonna be the hottest performance of the night. I mean, I was really geniunely looking forward to it. And we could see this little skit with these two girls and their prom dresses or whatever, and we thought it was gonna be awesome. And then the instrumental started, and we all was like, "Oh hell yeah!" cause we all started grooving to the beat. But we should've known. Boy should we have known. When she opened her mouth, everyone's face in the audience simultaneously changed into something that resembled a mixture of horror and disgust. It's hard to put it even into words that can be understood. Trust me, if you didn't go to that show last night....you missed something SERIOUS.
Oh yeah, refund checks are today, and I'm wondering if I have anything in my name. I sure hope so, for my sake.
He did this rendition of Usher's "You Remind Me" and performed it onstage. I can't even call it the actual song, because it wasn't anywhere close, so I have to say rendition. It was in a word, horrifying. I would have rather had the flu and stayed at home in Morrisville then come and listen to that song. And the sad part is, the longer it went, (which it went for like ever and ever,) the worst it became. But I got mad respect for Majik, cause he didn't even let none of that shit get to him. He must've known how bad it was, from the audience's reaction. People didn't even really boo because they didn't know exactly what the hell was going on. And so some girls cheered simply because they didn't know what else to do, and that just made it worse in the end, I think. He got the bridge and everything went wrong all at once. Majik's mike turned to static, he cracked big time and tripped, it was a hilarious performance. But when I think about what's coming next, it was a musical lullaby of the century.
What came next, I am sorry to say was a disgrace to all of humankind who has ever thought about, ever will think about, ever has, or ever will perform the most beautiful artist ever, Mariah Carey. That is my favorite artist of all time, and the way these two girls last night destroyed it will never be forgotten for as long as Fall semester lasts. It was....unbeliveably terrible. Apparently, this is the same chick whom from last year destroyed the sparkling name of Christina Aguilera when she performed "Beautiful" at the talent show last year. And now, you've seen what happen to Christina's career shortly afterward. What happened? Where is she? I think it might've been because of what that chick did. And see the thing about it is that I wasn't even there last year cause I had stuff to do, so I didn't even hear the song for myself. But I was there last night, and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(that's right, I had to take a space to say it right)
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad, it was hard to believe that she could've opened her mouth. Like I was telling my friends before, it was so bad, it was like an atomic bomb. It was like the largest bomb to ever go off on UNCP's campus. And it's funny cause when the lady announced that they were going to be singing Mariah Carey's "Shake It Off" everyone in the audience thought it was gonna be the hottest performance of the night. I mean, I was really geniunely looking forward to it. And we could see this little skit with these two girls and their prom dresses or whatever, and we thought it was gonna be awesome. And then the instrumental started, and we all was like, "Oh hell yeah!" cause we all started grooving to the beat. But we should've known. Boy should we have known. When she opened her mouth, everyone's face in the audience simultaneously changed into something that resembled a mixture of horror and disgust. It's hard to put it even into words that can be understood. Trust me, if you didn't go to that show last night....you missed something SERIOUS.
Oh yeah, refund checks are today, and I'm wondering if I have anything in my name. I sure hope so, for my sake.
Tuesday 6 September 2005
Foreshadowing of the Unknown
Well now, it is Tuesday and I have a major performance on Thursday with someone who doesn't even care to rehearse with me! Be that as it may, I'm going to go ahead with my original plans and do the show completely by myself by singing my famed Luther Vandross or something, I'll have to seriously consider my options. Apparently, she doesn't think this show is anything serious, because she hasn't called or even approached me about the idea of the show itself. Whenever I prepare myself for a performance I do it continously until I'm satisfied with the result. Personally, I just don't think that we're rehearsed enough to be going up in front of all these people cold turkey. So we'll just have to see what's going to happen. I'm not really too sure myself.
It's B-Day!!!
So then nothing too much to report today. But...I finally did go and buy Beyonce's 2nd album "B-day" today like I've waited for over a year for it, and it seems really good. And then I got a perfect 100 on my Mass Comm quiz today after I studied on it for like 30 minutes. I've finally learned the Greek alphabet by heart basically. And then I also went to the 10% Society meeting tonight and it really does seem that they have that place under control which is very good news. I'm happy that they're doing what they're doing. I paid my dues tonight and attempted to hit on Jamel after I discovered that he's been around a few times around this campus which completely shocked me totally. But hey whatever. I'm not tripping on it.
Saturday 3 September 2005
The Beginning of an Odyssey...
Okay, so I went to my classes today, and most of it was pretty straight. Travis actually gave me a new piece of music today, which is actually pretty cool, and I think if I work at it, it should sound really good. It's from this play called "Stop The World-I Want To Get Off" that came out in the sixties or whatever. And the song's called, "What Kind of Fool Am I?" and it's pretty good. He even said that he might let me do "Music of the Night" from the Phantom of the Opera movie with Bobbi Jo, for our duet. You know what? It's about time. But I have no illusions for what he's trying to do with me. I know that he's strictly using me as a seat warmer in his class. But hey, after two years of his bullshit, I'm nearly through with it, and I'll have my eight credits.
I went to a party tonight, and of course...I sat. I was there, like I was told to be, and I went and tried to participate and integrate myself, but after awhile, it got redundant and I had to leave. Apparently, these people don't take you seriously if you're a lowly acolyte. But I realized that in truth, I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this strictly to enhance myself when I leave this school. It's a tool to help me succeed better than I would without it. So even if they act like I'm not there and I don't exist, when I get my due, I can look at them and laugh in delight with the rest. But until that day, that's all I can do.
I went to a party tonight, and of course...I sat. I was there, like I was told to be, and I went and tried to participate and integrate myself, but after awhile, it got redundant and I had to leave. Apparently, these people don't take you seriously if you're a lowly acolyte. But I realized that in truth, I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this strictly to enhance myself when I leave this school. It's a tool to help me succeed better than I would without it. So even if they act like I'm not there and I don't exist, when I get my due, I can look at them and laugh in delight with the rest. But until that day, that's all I can do.
Friday 2 September 2005
Some Doors Are to be Locked
Okay, okay. I don't know if anyone ever reads of these things, but I was thinking today about what it is that I'm going through, and I've decided that I've got to put them in the journal. The problem is, I can't keep it public because that could get me in a whole lot more trouble than what I wanted. So, to keep myself safe and out of harm's way. I'm going to start putting up some blogs that are locked to only me. Sorry! But until things work out, I can't open it up! Forgive me.
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