....So Now What?

Yeah. I'm just upset right now. Just in general. I feel like there's so many other things I could be doing like working, making money living and not going further in debt trying to pay off this or borrow money for that, it's just ridiculous. Hence the convo I had with mom last night.


[11/1/2009 6:41:23 PM] Darryl Neal: How do you feel son?
[11/1/2009 6:41:36 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean I don't know really. I mean I thought about it
[11/1/2009 6:41:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and it really is the same as coming back
[11/1/2009 6:41:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as I'd have to do the same thing either way
[11/1/2009 6:41:48 PM] D'Arcee Neal: when I'm done
[11/1/2009 6:41:56 PM] Darryl Neal: do you like it there? Can you see yourself staying?
[11/1/2009 6:41:58 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and again, I'd have to look at what city I like
[11/1/2009 6:42:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean...I guess. It's like DC. I can get around, go places and all of that. So I mean transportation's wayyy better than say NC
[11/1/2009 6:42:51 PM] D'Arcee Neal: the cost of living is outrageous though.
[11/1/2009 6:42:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at least, that's what I hear.
[11/1/2009 6:43:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they say London's the most expensive city in Europe
[11/1/2009 6:43:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and one of the most in the world
[11/1/2009 6:43:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Well, that's what this is all about. Finding yourself, and finding out what you like.
[11/1/2009 6:44:46 PM] Darryl Neal: You have to investigate whether you want to be there, how affordable it is for you, can you find the right job to afford you to live there, and so on and so on.....
[11/1/2009 6:45:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I'd also have to do back in NC
[11/1/2009 6:45:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was telling dad
[11/1/2009 6:45:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: that I was looking on Facebook
[11/1/2009 6:45:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I felt kinda bad because
[11/1/2009 6:45:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I can see a lot of friends I had in high school or college
[11/1/2009 6:45:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they've graduated and they're actually working
[11/1/2009 6:45:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: whereas all I have to my credit is schooling and a bunch of internships. there's nothing really permanent
[11/1/2009 6:46:35 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and so I'm like, everyone's talking about doing this or moving there for this job, and I'm like, what am I going to do? just keep bouncing around?
[11/1/2009 6:47:34 PM] Darryl Neal: BABY come on, how many of them are getting their Masters and PHD, don't you dare short change yourself. We are so proud of you D'Arcee, don't you realize what this means for you?
[11/1/2009 6:47:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I know.
[11/1/2009 6:48:02 PM] Darryl Neal: You can come back here, or go anywhere and WRITE YOUR OWN TICKET...
[11/1/2009 6:48:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I guess, I don't like the open-endness of this.
[11/1/2009 6:48:15 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I don't know what I'm supposed to do when this is done
[11/1/2009 6:48:22 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and I can't just up and say, oh I'm going to stay
[11/1/2009 6:48:25 PM] D'Arcee Neal: at the end of this
[11/1/2009 6:48:30 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'd have to start that in like February
[11/1/2009 6:49:11 PM] Darryl Neal: Then start it, even if you don't stay, at least have the option open to you to stay if it works out for you, and that is what you choose.
[11/1/2009 6:49:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 6:49:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I mean that's what I was thinking at least
[11/1/2009 6:49:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: but dad was saying
[11/1/2009 6:49:41 PM] D'Arcee Neal: in order to have a work visa you have to actually have work
[11/1/2009 6:49:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: or you get kicked out
[11/1/2009 6:49:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so I guess I'll be looking for all of that.
[11/1/2009 6:49:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: starting early next year
[11/1/2009 6:50:03 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as far as the PhD goes,
[11/1/2009 6:50:34 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll do it if I can, but it all depends on whether or not CFNC is going to just give me the same amount twice. I figure they might, since I'm already here and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:50:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as the school offers it but then again,
[11/1/2009 6:51:02 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I told dad these classes are crazy. and apparently
[11/1/2009 6:51:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: unlike undergrad you only get one chance to pass
[11/1/2009 6:51:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well one chance in a year. so hence why I'm asking him all these crazy questions and whatnot
[11/1/2009 6:51:40 PM] Darryl Neal: But, I want you to know that now is not the time to get depressed or feel dejected about your choices. Know that you're doing the right thing. By going back and finishing what SO many people wish they could do, you are setting a HUGH example for many of your friends, and definitely for your brother.
[11/1/2009 6:51:57 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I asked Matt about that the other day.
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I assume everything is going okay with ya'll? with no one in the house at all?
[11/1/2009 6:52:08 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lo
[11/1/2009 6:52:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: so-called "Empty Nest Syndrome?"
[11/1/2009 6:52:24 PM] D'Arcee Neal: which I don't think they wrote applying it to you.
[11/1/2009 6:52:41 PM] Darryl Neal: OH, we're adjusting....LOL
[11/1/2009 6:52:45 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:52:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure.
[11/1/2009 6:52:58 PM] Darryl Neal: Shon and I was talking about you the other day
[11/1/2009 6:53:17 PM] Darryl Neal: He is so, so , so proud of his big brother.
[11/1/2009 6:53:35 PM] Darryl Neal: Whether you realize it or not, you are such a hero for him.
[11/1/2009 6:53:53 PM] Darryl Neal: He talks about his big brother to people all the time.
[11/1/2009 6:54:06 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol. I know you do. I saw that at the mall.
[11/1/2009 6:54:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: LOL
[11/1/2009 6:54:11 PM] Darryl Neal: He's telling people about you, and your accomplishments..
[11/1/2009 6:54:12 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I was like, "do I know you people?"
[11/1/2009 6:54:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they were like, "no, but we know you!"
[11/1/2009 6:54:45 PM] Darryl Neal: and he just told me the other day, I want to do something with my life like D'Arcee did
[11/1/2009 6:55:00 PM] Darryl Neal: I want to go back to school and get my degree like my brother...
[11/1/2009 6:55:20 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean I think our paths are different.
[11/1/2009 6:55:34 PM] Darryl Neal: I told him, good he should because it's going to take that to get ahead in this world.
[11/1/2009 6:55:40 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'm sure his credit is better than mine and he doesn't have $60,000 to pay back
[11/1/2009 6:55:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and whatnot.
[11/1/2009 6:56:47 PM] Darryl Neal: Believe me, you are in the best possible position you could hope to be in baby. Hang in there, it will get better. You're just feeling a little lonely right now, and missing your friends.
[11/1/2009 6:57:37 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I mean you know hearing about Big Jon and Matt and Efrain,
[11/1/2009 6:57:49 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and how even though they're not going for a Master's.
[11/1/2009 6:57:53 PM] D'Arcee Neal: they've all got good jobs
[11/1/2009 6:57:59 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and nice places
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] Darryl Neal: But your friends will be even more happier to be your friend when they can introduce you as Dr. D'Arcee Charington Neal, and so will your parents. WE love you man, and we're already so, so proud of you.
[11/1/2009 6:58:16 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and they're off being you know, productive American citizens
[11/1/2009 6:58:26 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I just feel like I have to play catch up 10x more when I get done
[11/1/2009 6:58:38 PM] Darryl Neal: No you don't, that
[11/1/2009 6:58:55 PM] Darryl Neal: that's the beauty of a PhD....!!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: ....I guess. I just gotta get through this Master's first!
[11/1/2009 6:59:11 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 6:59:46 PM] D'Arcee Neal: did dad tell you why i need to email Cousin Angie?
[11/1/2009 7:00:13 PM] Darryl Neal: They're going to have to play catch up to you, don't you know that? You'll come out making a hundred grand, they'll be working making only 50......
[11/1/2009 7:00:44 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I mean we talked about that in class the other day
[11/1/2009 7:00:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: about how people are viewing advanced degrees only for the money
[11/1/2009 7:01:01 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and not for what they represent
[11/1/2009 7:01:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: and for a lot of teachers, it's completely the wrong reason
[11/1/2009 7:03:05 PM] Darryl Neal: That's not what I meant, I'm saying it from the reality that it's more respected wherever you go, your opinion means so much more when it comes from a Doctor opposed to someone else. You know that. And of course the money doesn't hurt....! Yeah, Dad mentioned you're writing a paper, and need to get some info from a cop's perspective.
[11/1/2009 7:04:19 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah.
[11/1/2009 7:04:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: well I guess I should just start scoping around then.
[11/1/2009 7:04:55 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I wish I could talk to Aunt Dyann. ask how Chicago is
[11/1/2009 7:04:56 PM] D'Arcee Neal: as a city
[11/1/2009 7:06:47 PM] Darryl Neal: yes babe, you'll be fine. Aunt Dyann doesn't have a computer, but I could ask her questions for you if you email them to me, then when we skype i could give you that info..
[11/1/2009 7:07:09 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah. doesn't she stay with you guys though?
[11/1/2009 7:07:58 PM] Darryl Neal: no not yet, not until next year in april.
[11/1/2009 7:08:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: oh I thought she was there.
[11/1/2009 7:08:21 PM] Darryl Neal: nope
[11/1/2009 7:09:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I see. okay. well I'm going to go and cook something for dinner.
[11/1/2009 7:09:14 PM] D'Arcee Neal: I'll talk to you guys soon.
[11/1/2009 7:09:31 PM] D'Arcee Neal: hope you like the Mariah stuff!
[11/1/2009 7:09:47 PM] D'Arcee Neal: don't forget to click it!
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] Darryl Neal: ok baby, promise me you'll hang in there, OK We love you.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: otherwise it won't download.
[11/1/2009 7:09:52 PM] D'Arcee Neal: lol
[11/1/2009 7:10:04 PM] D'Arcee Neal: yeah I'll keep working.
[11/1/2009 7:10:07 PM] D'Arcee Neal: love you tool.
[11/1/2009 7:10:10 PM] D'Arcee Neal: *too.
[11/1/2009 7:10:17 PM] Darryl Neal: OK


I don't know. It just feels like everything's always about catching up. you don't ever seem to be on top of anything. Which is not what I came here to do. Not when I could be climbing the ranks somewhere going up in my life instead of sitting here. *sigh* I don't know.