The Heart Always Knows...

So then this is it. I knew when I first started trying to put myself out there that it wasn't going to work. I just thought that with Travis' blessings and his courage behind me that that would be enough to take me over and conquer one of the greatest challenges that I've faced yet. However I found out tonight that it isn't to be so. In a way, it's a relief, but in another it's a massive disappointment, though I haven't decided which one is more potent. But the thing is, I already knew that. I knew that on Monday when I didn't get a phonecall and the hours ticked by. I knew yesterday when nothing happened, nobody came and nothing rang. Even though I was trying to prove mind over matter kind of thing by persuing this near-impossible dream for me, it wasn't enough to conquer it and I was told tonight that it wasn't going to happen. The funny thing is, I already knew that it wasn't gonna go through. I knew when I was sitting up there that the only thing keeping the answers coming out of my mouth was my mind and the nerves firing behind it that was allowing me to answer in such a way. But in reality I knew that there was going to be something wrong. There was gonna be a problem, a hitch somewhere along the line, and that in some kind of way it wasn't meant to be. So I guess I have nothing to do but to reflect on what could have been. However I will not saying anything against them because that would lower me and I still have respect for the majority of the people there. However it should be evident that rejection hurts. It stings like a son-of-a-bitch. I'm sorry, Travis.

P.S. Facebooks's Massive Apology

I had to include this. It's so wrong.

An Open Letter from Mark Zuckerberg:

We really messed this one up. When we launched News Feed and Mini-Feed we were trying to provide you with a stream of information about your social world. Instead, we did a bad job of explaining what the new features were and an even worse job of giving you control of them. I'd like to try to correct those errors now.

When I made Facebook two years ago my goal was to help people understand what was going on in their world a little better. I wanted to create an environment where people could share whatever information they wanted, but also have control over whom they shared that information with. I think a lot of the success we've seen is because of these basic principles.

We made the site so that all of our members are a part of smaller networks like schools, companies or regions, so you can only see the profiles of people who are in your networks and your friends. We did this to make sure you could share information with the people you care about. This is the same reason we have built extensive privacy settings – to give you even more control over who you share your information with.

Somehow we missed this point with News Feed and Mini-Feed and we didn't build in the proper privacy controls right away. This was a big mistake on our part, and I'm sorry for it. But apologizing isn't enough. I wanted to make sure we did something about it, and quickly. So we have been coding nonstop for two days to get you better privacy controls. This new privacy page will allow you to choose which types of stories go into your Mini-Feed and your friends' News Feeds, and it also lists the type of actions Facebook will never let any other person know about. If you have more comments, please send them over.

This may sound silly, but I want to thank all of you who have written in and created groups and protested. Even though I wish I hadn't made so many of you angry, I am glad we got to hear you. And I am also glad that News Feed highlighted all these groups so people could find them and share their opinions with each other as well.

About a week ago I created a group called Free Flow of Information on the Internet, because that's what I believe in – helping people share information with the people they want to share it with. I'd encourage you to check it out to learn more about what guides those of us who make Facebook. Today (Friday, 9/8) at 4pm edt, I will be in that group with a bunch of people from Facebook, and we would love to discuss all of this with you. It would be great to see you there.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Mark

Chronometrophobia, Cheating to Smoke, & Silent Money

Outkast has a song called Chronometrophobia on the new album Idlewild, which is about the fear of clocks and the fear of time....and that's kinda where I'm stuck now. So today is Saturday and I haven't been able to think right since Thursday afternoon. So here's how it went. Basically I did all my classes and went to the formal interview with Phi Mu Alpha...and did that, which I thought it went fairly well. I'm curious to know exactly what Aaron was writing down on the piece of paper while I was talking. The good news is that I didn't have to learn all that crazy stuff like Adam did like he knew the whole background of everything about everything. Fortunately the interview wasn't like that, and I'm glad we didn't have to know all of that. However he did ask some questions that I was prepared for like why I wanted to do PMA, and stuff like that, and I remember thinking as I sat there that I had to show proper eye-contact with all of them so I had to force myself to keep my head up and look at all of them as they sat there compelling with their eyes all hard and conniving. But anyway...after that I went and chilled out with Porter and Adam and Timmy (whom I have fallen in love with, not like that mind you) and I went back to my room when Adam and Porter came and picked me up and we went to PJ's PMA party over in Pembroke Pointe.

Honestly I'm not sure I went but I went because I felt like it was the right thing to do, since I am trying to join their fraternity and I figured that it would be nice if I try to show some support. So I showed up and felt way out of place there since they were playing beer pong and all of that. So I had Adam go buy me some Smirnoff and I drunk it and a few cups of beer and played flip cup with them. And after a while of bullshitting with them we had to go and then I went with Adam, Porter and Alex (another guy I met there) and we went back to Alex's brother's place and smoked some weed. Yeah I know, I know. It's not typical for me, but I was in a good mood and besides I didn't want to go home yet, and I wanted to hang out with them cause their really cool. So we went back and there and I smoked a blunt with the rest of them and pulled some shotguns with them (I found out that a "shotgun" is actually a different way of smoking weed when you don't actually smoke it, but one person has it in their mouth and they blow out and the smoke comes outward, so you position your mouth in front of the smoke and inhale and hold it in, much like smoking without smoking. So I think that's what's Clinton really did.)

But anyway...two other things.

First off, I haven't heard a thing concerning the interview, and that's what got me glancing at my clock every few minutes. I want to know what they decided, because if I didn't get a bid, then I don't know if I'll have enough courage in the future to do it again. So if they're gonna let me do it, then they need go ahead and get on with it. I just want that shirt. That's all. Aaron asked me during the interview if I would be okay with a "challenging hazing precedure" and I know he thought that I didn't know what he was talking about, but I have the beautiful ability to read between lines of bullshit that people love to spit out. So yeah and then Eric (I believe his name is) asked me how my disability affects my life. So I told him the truth that it affects everything. So I don't how they took it. But I suppose I'll find out soon enough. But this waiting is hell...

Speaking of waiting....I'm about to explode. I was supposed to get a fucking refund check on Friday so I got up at 8:30 to go over there and when I got there it had to have been a line of at least 600 to 700 people waiting to get a check. So I got in the middle of it and then 10 minutes before they started passing out checks, the gate is opened and people start jumping chairs and sprinting to get in line and shit. So I got pissed when I was pushed to the back. So a lady came to me and she helped me close to the front, which was great. But I was pissed really when suddenly I was told that the check wasn't printed because the printer was broken. And apart I'm way not alone. Apparently close to half the school is without a refund check because the printer broke. I think that this is because they were being stupid and were trying to print out like 3000 checks in one day and the printer couldn't handle the strain. So now half the school is ready to pull a rebellion of sorts because we're all without money. And of course everyone else is out cashing and spending and shopping etc. So I'm pissed yeah. So Monday needs to hurry the fuck up.

NewsFlash! D'Arcee Is Online! Or at Least According to Facebook....

Ugghhh this privacy act is getting ridiculous. But I'll get to that later. First off, today we had Professor Stockley's memorial here at the school in GPAC. It was really beautiful and they had a well-put together program and stuff. They even had people there that was a real shock to the school including Travis' sister and his "best friend" (I really doubt that. I think it was his boyfriend) who flew down from Chicago to be at the memorial here at the school. I think that was really dutiful for them to do. It was very nice and just when I thought I had cried myself out I found myself balling and streaming tears all over again, when I heard some of the comments that the people were saying, including one of the Professors who said just what I had been thinking about the thing that Travis gave most was Hope, and I really believe that.

But then other than that, I had my Environmental Science test today which I think I did pretty good on that. Otherwise I had to a meeting at Pizza Hut tonight, which I couldn't even stay for due to my pageant auditions coming tonight. So today (Thursday) I have another imporant meeting tonight and we will know nothing if my plans coming up is all for nothing or not. I sure hope everything goes well, because I don't think I can muster up the strength to try this again. Travis' death is the driving force behind this decision right now and that's the truth. It's true that he will always be at the back of my mind, but because it's so recent and fresh in my mind, it's what's driving my decision to do this. But I hope that this works out for my favor. But we shall find out this evening.

As far as the pageant is concerned, I have to say that I am much happier with the turnout this year as opposed to the first week that happened last week. We have right now 9 girls and 5 guys, give or take one or two with 4 escorts, or 18 people total, which is good. André got some excellent footage tonight with the models, and Geramé did something unforgivable while I was teaching them some of the music from the Pussycat Dolls, and out of the blue he starts copying all of the moves from the video perfectly (though it was not executed well) much to the shock and amazement of everyone else that was there. But we have all of it on tape, and I think it will be great for the show on the 18th. I think it will be very interesting to watch. Okay then. Before I go, I decided to post an ad that I found about the new Facebook via MSN through the Washington Post today and its not a good one. My thoughts on it, Facebook is losing it's damn mind and that's all I got to say. But read it and be amazed at what others say about it.


Students fight online club's changes in privacy
Facebook users say the site is now making their musings much too public



WASHINGTON - Denizens of one of the Web's most popular student hangouts are in an uproar over changes to the site that they say make their online musings much too public, turning their personal lives into a flashing billboard.

Facebook.com, a site used by more than 9 million students and some professionals, is an Internet lounge where people share photos, read one another's postings and make connections -- a kind of digital yearbook through which people find out about goings-on with their friends and on campus.

But this week the site's immense popularity backfired after it started a feature that culls fresh information users post about themselves -- Tim is now single -- and delivers it in headline-news format to their network of buddies. Facebook, of Palo Alto, Calif., unveiled the feature at midnight Monday, saying it would make new information easier to find. Within hours, online protest groups were formed and thousands of people had joined.

"I don't like it because it's kind of stalker-ish," said Yan Fu, a freshman at George Washington University, adding that he now thinks twice before posting to his page. "I think, 'Everybody can read it,' so I've avoided it."

Fu's sentiment was shared by many Facebook users, hundreds of thousands of whom have joined ad hoc groups of petitioners calling themselves "I hate the new facebook format" and "Students Against Facebook News Feed."

Era of public disclosure
Such a strong reaction in defense of privacy is rare among the teenage and twenty-something generation, which grew up in the era of public disclosure in the form of blogs, video sharing and reality television. Until now, questions about the wisdom of disclosure were raised primarily by parents, teachers and university administrators, while students flocked to Facebook and similar sites such as MySpace, Xanga and LiveJournal.

These social-networking sites have changed the way students meet and remember what they did last night -- especially as it gets easier to take and post information online or link to photos and video. For schools, the online networking phenomenon raised concerns that students' lives and escapades were being played out much more publicly with sometimes funny, sometimes embarrassing and occasionally dangerous results.

The women's lacrosse team at Catholic University got in trouble recently for photos posted online of the players and an all-but-naked guy. Last year, when Virginia Commonwealth University freshman Taylor Behl disappeared, police read her postings on social-networking sites for clues to her killer. That led many universities to warn students about risks as soon as they get to campus -- or even before they have arrived.

Virginia Tech asked older students to talk with freshmen about using caution. Catholic added online security issues to its student orientation. Students at Georgetown University got a brochure over the summer, and some signed up for a technology and online security class during orientation.

Georgetown pre-med student Miguel de Leon took the class and said the lecturer "made a good point when he said you wouldn't put your cellphone number on the wall of a building on M Street." So why post it on online message boards, or "walls"? De Leon changed his privacy settings afterward.

Shift in thinking among 18-25-year-olds?
Joining Facebook requires a legitimate e-mail account at a school or business. Members can decide how private they want their profile to be by limiting access, for example, to only undergraduates, faculty or individuals.

Many students said that they think it is fine to use technology to give outsiders a window into their lives and thoughts but that Facebook's new policy of broadcasting every update about their lives to other users is trespassing on the bounds of their privacy.

"It's really creepy," said Jenny Myers, who graduated this year from American University and works in Washington. "I think it's absolutely ridiculous, putting people's information out there, even small things."

That might be a shift in thinking among 18-to-25-year-olds, said Larry Ponemon, chairman of the Ponemon Institute, a Michigan research firm that studies privacy. "On the one hand, they're complacent about posting photos but really active and protesting when their information gets posted in a news feed."

The news feed takes information that people might have buried in their profile page and automatically displays it on the homepages of people in their network. As the information is broadcast more widely, attention is called to changes that previously might have been seen only by people who hunted. That's where the new feature goes too far, many students said.

"It used to be so innocent and fun," said Susanne Tortola, a recent American University graduate who uses Facebook to keep in contact with friends.

Before the recent change, her information -- relationship status, notes her friends have posted and photos she kept -- was visible only to people who read her profile. But now that Facebook is actively promoting updated information, Tortola can no longer quietly make changes, such as eliminating people from her roster of friends. Facebook's new system blasts that information as if it were on the marquee outside a movie theater. "Facebook can use your information and distribute it however they want to now," Tortola said.

George Washington sophomore Rachel Lynch's roommates have joined the protest, and she has shied away from posting any notes on her friends' walls for fear that it would attract voyeurs. "It's a privacy line that should never be crossed."

Facebook responds
Faced with many complaints, Facebook responded yesterday by posting its response on its official blog.

"Calm down. Breathe. We hear you," wrote Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's chairman and chief executive.

"We're not oblivious of the Facebook groups popping up about this," Zuckerberg wrote of the protests. ". . . And we agree, stalking isn't cool; but being able to know what's going on in your friends' lives is. This is information people used to dig for on a daily basis, nicely reorganized and summarized so people can learn about the people they care about."

Facebook's site already provides privacy settings that allow users to control who sees what information, he said. At the strictest setting, information would not be circulated on the news feed; the news feed collects only information that people have already allowed to be visible on their pages.

Still, for George Washington senior Justin Persuitti, the mere prospect of unexpected disclosure made him conjure up unsettling scenarios: "You could have a girlfriend and be at a bar kissing another girl, and somebody could post [a cellphone photo] on your wall."
© 2006 The Washington Post Company

The Verbal War of Pride Week

So this week has been really crazy ever since it started way back on Sunday. So I found out like a month ago that October 1st through the 6th is Pride Week across the world, and we wanted to do something with the 10% Society to celebrate so we've been planning Pride Week to coincide witht that. So it started out on Sunday with Angela Harvey talking about "That's Not Love, That's Stupid!" and from there it went on. However this week has been pretty crucial. So I had this ignorant fool named "Angel the Beautiful" (kinda gay, isn't it?) practically threaten to kill me on Tuesday in front of the other teacher and the students and stuff. So with all of that going on, after I provoke him to finally just go ahead and do it (which of course he didn't) I went to class. But after that we had our "Come Correct" forum on Wednesday since when they tried on Monday night with disasterous effects since "Jesus Christ Superstar" was here at the school. So we did it again and it was great and very intimate. I had a quick chat with pastors Micah and Katherine of the Church of the Painted Sky and they're really good and cool people. After that today we had our biggest event, and we decided to go all out. When I say we I mean of course myself, C.J. and Kamari. So we did it really big with pride flags and feathers and masks and glitter everywhere. It was very interesting. And we basically shouted to the world, "Hey we're here!" and honestly I can say that it was a very interesting experience. Suddenly people that were having conversations with you the day before didn't want to speak and so on. The cafteria ladies acted like they didn't want to take my lunch card to eat! So yeah...but we had our lock-in which was a big success. So all in all it was a very successful few days thanks to myself and big Kevin taking the initiative and moving shit around.

About Angel, today in class they went and decided to completely blast our project through their own by calling it the "ISUCKS" E-book computer chip which was a "magnamous failure" according to Laiaka. So yeah they blasted it again and again over and over and everyone kept looking in my direction. I said nothing and kept the mask on. But the funny part was when they finished even though everyone was laughing about it (except me, of course) they were leaving and Dr. Liu basically acted like she was going to fail them for the project due to the conduct that they showed during the presentation. So yeah that was funny as hell. But we'll have to see what happens. Later,.
9:38 AM
2 Comments
2 Kudos

Happy 100th Birthday!

So I just realized that this is my 100th post since I joined MySpace a long ass-time ago. And I think that my post is quite fitting in that I'm attempting something that I told myself that I would never do. I'm attempting to become a frat boy. I know! Isn't it unbelievable? Here I am attempting to rush for this organization PHI MU ALPHA or the music fraternity on campus. So I know it's not as hard-core as what I'm thinking, but it's still national and they still haze. So we shall see. I will have to put down my thoughts here in locked form cause I don't know how to control myself if I don't. Now I'm just trying to memorize the damn Greek alphabet. Fuck Xi, and Upsilon! I hate those letters! Anyway later.

Alpha

Beta

Gamma

Delta

Epsilon

Zeta

Eta

Theta

Iota

Kappa

Lamba

Mu

Nu

Xi

Omicron

Pi

Rho

Sigma

Tau

Upsilon

Phi

Chi

Sai

Omega.

It's Morphin' Time!

September 5, 2006 - Tuesday

It's Morphin' Time!
Current mood: contemplative

Okay so you guys remember those old ass cartoon shows that would show like the characters that would transform into something greater? Like for example, in the ORIGINAL Power Rangers (yes I said original first season was the SHIT! R.I.P. Trini) you guys remember how when they had to transform into either their power ranger form or into that MegaZord thing, they'd have to go through all this stuff to get there? Like pulling out the power crystals, flipping them around, and then you'd have to wait for like five minutes every single episode as you watched them transform into a superhero? But the fact was, you really didn't care cause the transformations were one of the many reasons you watched the show in the first place.

Well that's kinda how I feel where my life is at the moment. It's in one of those transforming moments where you know something completely different is gonna be the outcome, and it's like for the first time if you had never seen Power Rangers before, and suddenly realize that these ordinary high school kids suddenly become these kick-ass superheros and all that that you're like wow! Or in the case of a show like Dragonball Z, when the characters transform, you're not really sure what the outcome of the transformation could be. You could become big as hell like someone as Broly, the Legendary Super Saiyan, or you could become small and frail-looking like Freiza in level 4. Or even worse Kid Buu. However neither of these characters were actually weak and both almost caused the complete annhilation of the Earth at one time or another. But that's not the point.

The point is, I'm in a transformation stage and I don't know where it's going. I have no clue as to what it's gonna look like when I'm done. Maybe I'll be so completely consumed I'll disemble my network and reacquire a new one, or perhaps I'll just hit a dead zone and stop contact all together. Or maybe...no I won't say that. I am going to finish this. I'm like Monkey Girl on the Superhero show on Sci-Fi channel when she went up against that guard dog challenge. It took her 10 minutes, but she didn't quit and went up against both of the dogs and won. That's not how I feel yet but I'm sure it's coming. And no I'm not talking about in regards to school. Something else. Something more...sinister.